September 2013 Moms

"dear prudence" discussion

Someone posted this on facebook:https://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/03/dear_prudence_my_boyfriend_won_t_marry_me_despite_our_having_a_child.html

 There are actually a few there and this isn't the only one baby-related, but I was curious what you thought about it. The Q is the question and the A is Prudence's answer.

Q. Wedding and Due Date: My sister-in-law recently announced her wedding date and it is three days before my due date for our first child. She knew that was my due date, as we discussed it as a family not too long ago. We would have to travel about three hours to get to the venue she selected and this makes me nervous. My MIL suggested that I "play it by ear" and that if I feel fine I can go, if not my husband can attend solo. I am really upset, because I feel that is too close to my due date for me to travel three hours away from my doctor. I also am afraid of going into labor and my husband missing the birth altogether. The elephant in the room is why she would schedule her wedding right on top of my due date. What should I do about this situation?

A: By the time the wedding rolls around you may look like the elephant in the room, but please stop dwelling on why your sister-in-law has chosen such an unfelicitous date to get married. Life happens?in your case a new life will be happening just as she says, "I do." It's very possible neither you nor your husband will be able to attend the ceremony because you'll be in labor or have just delivered. So, first of all, discuss this with your obstetrician. She or he will give you a general reading about the date and the distance and advisability of your attending. Then respond to the invitation accordingly. If you two end up declining, so be it. If your sister-in-law then becomes an elephant on a rampage, she will be making the choice to ruin her own special day.

 

What do you think??

 

 

Personally, I agree with the advice. They should talk to the OB first and then decide, and they should probably decline. With both of my pregnancies in separate practices, I've had a completely normal pregnancy but have been barred from traveling more than an hour away 4-6 wks prior to the due date. So 3 weeks = no go. And as important as his sister's wedding is, I think that your own baby trumps a wedding. So I think the DH should not go, either (sorry, MIL!) Or...maybe he could go if labor has not started but be ready to drive back ANY time. Only if she has a reliable friend to get her to the hospital at any time of day/night in the meantime. And if they have to commit to an RSVP either way they should just both decline. If the baby is born early they also should not go to the wedding in my mind...it's just too hard in those first few weeks. 

And, I think the SIL is totally in the wrong for choosing that date unless it's the only time her fiance is not deployed or some special circumstance like that. However, I also think that she shouldn't go changing the date. If that's the date she choose then so be it. She just has to realize the consequences of some people not attending.


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Re: "dear prudence" discussion

  • I think thats so incredibly selfish of the SIL and I hope she goes into labor the day of the wedding to spite the MIL so she's not there for the birth. If this was my family, my mom would have told me to schedule my wedding for another time and I would h

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  • I wouldn't go, and I'd be damned if my H did.

    Due dates are not set in stone - having a kid 3 weeks early is perfectly normal. I would politely decline for both of us, say that we're not ok with traveling that far wh

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  • The question in the OP says she is due 3 DAYS before the wedding. That is completely different than 3 weeks. I would decline immediately, no matter what my OB said.

    I do agree that it seems a bit odd that the bride would set the date after kno

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  • If this happened to me, I would tell the SIL right up front that me and DH would most likely not be able to attend the wedding.  I mean, 3 days before the due date?  And unless there were extenuating circumstances that made her choose that date,
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  • AnjaOAnjaO member
    Wait, that says three DAYS.  No way in hell!  I kind of feel like if the SIL chose that date, she didn't really want the writer and her husband to be there!  

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  • I don't know how it is with everyone, and it may not be the case for her, but when DH and I planned our wedding we had about 3 weekends to choose from because of our jobs and graduation from seminary.  We didn't have much flexibility either way. &



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  • On top of all of it I can't believe the MIL is like "play it by ear" and "maybe DH will attend by himself if you can't come." ?!?!?!?! She really wants her grandchild to be born without his/her father there?!

    I've done it before, I know labors ar


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  • I would be out for blood! I am so close with my brother and if it was probable I would be missing his wedding I would not be okay! I would completely ignore the new SIL and head straight to my brother for answers and try to guilt him into talking the c

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  • I had a similar situation with BIL's wedding except we weren't expecting.  I won't get into details but the best advice I would give is this:

    People have the right to pick any date they want for their wedding but as a guest you also have the

  • Meh, I think both the bride and the mom to be need to untwist their panties.  We don't have the bride's side of the story, and it's possible there was a very good reason the chose the date they did.  They can't plan their entire wedding around h
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  • imagerevlaurawittman:

    I don't know how it is with everyone, and it may not be the case for her, but when DH and I planned our weddi


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  • imagedaileym:

    I would be out for blood! I am so close with my brother and if it was probable I would be missing his wedding I would

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  • imageLoppy19:
    imagesteph 13055:<

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  • There is no way I would be attending a wedding 3 hours away at that point and DH wouldn't be either.  He wouldn't want to be that far away at that point in case anything happened to me/baby.  It's fine for SIL to plan her wedding that date and d
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  • Also...I know I was the one who started this conversation...but this topic is making me realize we need to tell family ASAP of our pregnancy in case BIL is planning to propose to his GF! We are all hoping they get married. I am confident that if they k


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  • I'd say it is what it is. Who knows all the details but I would not be traveling that far that close to my due date.

    Also, it reminds to appreciate my BFF who bless her heart is trying to plan her wedding across an ocean from me for June or J
  • I would come right out and aski he why she chose that date and if she doesn't have a valid reason, then tell her you're a bit upset its so close to you'd dd and unfortunately you and DH will most likely not make it. DH should not go solo bc what if you go
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  • I'm the odd woman out here, but I would still go as long as I was feeling ok, no contractions, and I knew that there was a hospital or two along the way.
    However, I would be really annoyed if my sil just picked that date randomly with no attachment
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  • imagemichelle7482:
    I think thats so incredibly selfish of the SIL and I hope she goes into labor the day of the wedding to spite the MIL
  • imageSweetPeaK26:
    I'm the odd woman out here, but I would still go as long as I was feeling ok, no contractions, and I knew that th

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  • imagePaturkey:
    I'd say it is what it is. Who knows all the details but I would not be traveling that far that close to my due date.

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  • Same issue here. My only sister has planned her wedding 3 days before my due date. She's been engaged for almost 2 years and she's due in June. I just wish she'd bump it up and get it over with. I wouldn't have to fly, but the wedding is an hour away and
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  • Please note is says 3 days, not 3 weeks before. No way would I go, nor would my husband! That's ridiculous. Perhaps the day does have meaning for the SIL, but as the advice said, she needs to expect that certain people won't be able to at

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  • I wouldn't even attempt to go. I wouldn't allow my DH to go and that's that.
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