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Conflict with ILs over party plans

caeraRosecaeraRose member
in Birthday Parties
So I've been working on planning DD's first birthday party.

We were talking about doing a milk and cookies theme. There's a great park in our town that has an air-conditioned shelter right there - we were thinking to rent a room, so that the kiddos in the family could go to the park when they got bored, but people that wanted to get away from the heat could go into the shelter.

There's a kink, though, of course. My ILs own a restaurant in the city (45 min from where we live). It's a neat restaurant - the food is kinda fast-foody, but it's a train-themed restaurant; there's a train that brings the food around to all the tables. My MIL and SIL got all annoyed when they found out that we've been planning a party, because "all the kids" have their 1st birthday party at the restaurant. My SIL was also super annoyed that we were planning on giving DD a cookie instead of a smash cake because "everyone does cakes".

I love trains, don't get me wrong, and I like their restaurant, but it's not a big room and it'd be hard to gather everyone together. It would feel to me like we all just went to get fast food together, it wouldn't feel like much of a party. Plus most of our family lives in our town and will be staying in our town, and I'm not wild about having everyone travel 45 minutes to this restaurant. There also wouldn't be much for the kiddos to do, and I'd hate to have them just running wild.

DH asked if we could just have a second mini-party at the restaurant... MIL said "Do whatever you want" in this really snotty tone and changed the subject. I honestly don't feel like DD's 1st birthday party is this huge vital thing to "get my way", but I do feel like it's something for our family more than for her - it's an excuse to get everyone together, and I'm just not sure the restaurant is a good place to do that.

What do you all think? Should I schedule it my way and risk making them super annoyed, or should I plan it at the restaurant to keep the peace?
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Re: Conflict with ILs over party plans

  • MegispregMegispreg member
    I would do the party that you planned. It sounds really cute! I wouldn't want to inconvenience the majority of my guests, have them in cramped quarters, and change the theme of my party just to make the ILs happy.

    Maybe you could do a family
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  • MrsGoodkatMrsGoodkat member
    If their place doesn't suit your needs, then you should hold it elsewhere. Have DH explain to his mom the reasons. If you need to do a separate birthday lunch to appease them, then I think that's a decent compromise, but it's your child and your decision
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  • notkateanymorenotkateanymore member

    imageMrsGoodkat:
    If their place doesn't suit your needs, then you should hold it elsewhere. Have DH explain to his mom the reasons.
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    She had her kids and raised them, she had her turn to throw her children parties. I would have the party my husband and I wanted for our child`s birthday and there would be no discussion about it.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • caeraRosecaeraRose member

    Thanks, everyone =)

    DH and I talked about it, and we confirmed that we'll just have the party at the park. He also said that his mom didn't seem upset once he explained to her our reasons... it was just his sister that seemed upset, and he said h

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  • karen_loykaren_loy member

    I would do the party at the park, is more convenient because is closer, has more stuff for the kids to do and you can serve what ever you like; if your MIL doesn't like it well she can deal with it

    You can always go to their restaurant the actual

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  • jo4janetjo4janet member
    imagecaeraRose:

    Thanks, everyone =)

    DH and I talked about it, and we confirmed that we'll just have the party at the park. He

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  • BeckyTheEngineerBeckyTheEngineer

    The best part of 1st birthday parties is watching the baby smash up a cake.  In my opinion, I would be bummed to watch a baby eat a cookie. 

    Everything else though, I agree that I would not plan a party 45 minutes away at a location th

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  • allardrallardr member

    I'm having issues with MIL over LOs first birthday too so I feel for you.

    My theory is don't give in, it sets a precedent that if she complains about your plans she'll get her way. 

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  • PunkyBoosterPunkyBooster member

    If your MIL's restaurant will not comfortably fit everyone, then tell her that. She needs to get over it!

    And WTF with your SIL? Cookie vs Smash cake? This is what she gets up in arms about?  I shudder to think of how she handles real proble

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  • ryry1977ryry1977 member
    imagecaeraRose:

    Thanks, everyone =)

    DH and I talked about it, and we confirmed that we'll just have the party at the park. He

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