since I cannot sleep

pepper1922

I cannot get to sleep. It is 1 in the morning here.

A few days ago I posted my introduction. In it I shared a piece I wrote for my unborn child. It got bad reviews (even tho they weren't ask for) Apparently it seemed dark and not something to display in a baby book.

Since I can't get back to bed, I decided to re-write my piece. To make it less dark, more baby book ready. The following will be a small sample of my work. I am currently on mobile so excuse typos and format. 

 

I am on a farm. I am the wife on the farmer.The farmer has seeded not just the land, he has seeded the bed you are now resting on. To you this is your bed. To others that is my uterus.

The corn that is rising. Those tomatoes in the field on the left, and those beautiful watermelons of perfection near the road. Those will be the harvest of summer. You little sprout, will be the great fall harvest.

You must be wondering how you were seeded. See, before the seeding begins you must plow the land. The farmer is an excellent plower you see. It only takes him a few hours to plow all the land. My land it took less since it's smaller. Plowing is a lovely thing that is designed with hard work, dedication,
and lots of love. Which is indeed how you were created.

Let us be whisked away by the cool autumn wind. I shall place us in November, the month is which we all give thanks, the month which makes perfect sense for you to arrive.

Farmer: *knock knock* (Farmer knocked on my belly): Today is the day little one, today is the day that I will harvest you from land that I seeded you 9 months ago.

The farmer prepares me for your harvest. I open the front path to your bedroom. The farmer walks up the long hallway, and rests shortly with his hand on the knob to your palace. "Should I knock again" he wonders. He gently approaches your bed where he sweeps you up in his arms. He rushes you down the hall. Soon you have seen the light. Just like those tomatoes, you still have your vine attached, but don't worry, the farmer trimmed it off.

November: What a wonderful and peaceful month. It surely will be full of thanks this year as we will be welcoming our little fruit pie.

CatieG

Huh? Are you actually serious about these stories? Or are you trying to start another round of "negative reviews", as you called it?

ETA: I do apologize for sounding snarky but this is really odd.

JocelynB0911

CatieG:

Huh? Are you actually serious about these stories? Or are you trying to start another round of "negative reviews", as

blushlush

Aaaaand leaving this thread.

PrimRoseMama

God I didn't think this could get any more lame and then it did...

Unknown

I had to make an account just so I could post on this, because your poems move me.

<img src="https://stream1.gifs

heddy79

Kimbus22:

LOL! Your kid does not want to know you were on top of the farmer when he plowed you. If you insist on telling him

Gatorsgirl731

I hope the farmer is wearing gardening gloves when he knocks on the palace door.....

jorkz821

Well, I mean, there's no more talk of destruction and vengeance and profit, so I guess... Good job?

Please don't tell your kid that their dad is a farmer and you are the field and he was very good at plowing you.

ThePolishHammer

LOL at getting plowed going into the baby book. 

MJHershey

 

Oh and, in case you were wondering... 

<img src="https://lh4.googleuserc

kennazebrowsky

Kimbus22:

LOL! Your kid does not want to know you were on top of the farmer when he plowed you. If you insist on telling him

shelliescove3

Effing wierd... I feel really bad for this baby... mommy needs to avoid the special brownies.

MoonlitPlumeria

MJHershey:

<img height="199" width="460" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-WRtOwwRpgs0/UMiQY2UwPVI/AAAAAAAAR30/C6wN07_yq

Kfran84

Um... I like it better than the first one.

You and the haiku lady from the other day should get together for an anthology.

For reals, I get the growing and harvesting imagery, but you get weirdly in depth and off track. Maybe re

jess60

comeongetdown:

Does anyone have a link to the first post?

I'm bored at work and this is awesome  lol

<

RebC1981

Kimbus22:

LOL! Your kid does not want to know you were on top of the farmer when he plowed you. If you insist on telling him

Beccabby

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well you tried to fix your first crazy post so here's your gold star!

 

Beccabby

gwinnygirl:

<img src="https://i972.photobucket.com/albums/ae202/bubica09/True Blood/GifsTB/pigeon_popcorn.gif" alt="Posted Im

sleepy33

God, I love this board. I mean I really, really love it. It is just the right combination of biiitch and snark.

database6

HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

huntjul

sleepy33:

God, I love this board. I mean I really, really love it. It is just the right combination of biiitch and snark.
<

EmJ&B

lovelyAngelique

A few hours? I'd say that's inefficient plowing.

Kay6519

I would die if my mom told me that the farmer was really good at plowing and that it only takes a few hours to plow the field. Bleh!

allurea

I know I've seen one of those somecards that relates to this.....

Here it is.

 

Beejus

How heart warming. A fruit cake welcoming a fruit pie. I'm glad we are able to put differences aside and embrace each other.

pandaglitter

At least she explains how she knows the baby will be born on November 9th in this one. Her husband will knock on her belly, alerting the baby that it's time to be born. I was unaware of this method for inducing labor! How simple and to the point! Altho

saintpaulJess

I can't imagine you're serious. But if you are it's inappropriate for a baby book.

kiarstin

Whoever you are I think I love you, I laughed my a$$ off. Can we be best friends?

artistlife

Anyone else wondering how the fluck her farmers field turned into a palace?

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha

LoisLayn23:

Is your husband going to deliver your baby?

<p

Liz4444

I am absolutely dying over you getting plowed.

sprocketsmom

Congrats on making it less dark and yet more emotionally scarring for your child. Every child wants to hear about their conception, especially in terms of their mom getting plowed!

reneeandbill

lovelyAngelique:

A few hours? I'd say that's inefficient plowing.

 ty for this. I laughed so har

Amanda88

gwinnygirl:

<img alt="Posted Image" src="https://i972.photobucket.com/albums/ae202/bubica09/True Blood/GifsTB/pigeon_popcorn.

gollywollypog

katiebenes

jorkz821:

Well, I mean, there's no more talk of destruction and vengeance and profit, so I guess... Good job? Please don't

Raychell2013

BRAVO! :: claps hysterically::

OP, as a previous English teacher, you should ABSOLUTELY enter this into a contest and totes post this on TTGP. I think the ladies over there would LOVE it!

IBackBevo

Are you sure your husband isn't farming marijuana?  And perhaps you got into some of the harvest?

almendarez

OP: You shouldn't do drugs while pregnant...