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Blended Families
BM at it again
Since we had SS at Christmas and BM came to get him early. We had gotten to talk/Skype with SS 3 times! We are supose to Skype every Sunday at 7pm, and then any evening DH is off, he also sends her a text to skype, but she always has a reason they cannot (she works 1-2 days per week). When we do get to skype with SS you can see that he is looking to the side to someone before he answers and does not want to talk to us. SS is 6 years old, and it seems like BM is starting to brain wash him. We get him every summer, every thanksgiving, every christmas break and every other christmas. We are supose to get he other days that both parents agree, but BM feels it is a privlage for us to even get to see "HER SON" at all and we should be thankful that she even gives us the time that we do get with him, so any contact we do have other than the court ordered times is minimal, even though our papers say she needs to promote a relationship with DH and SS, and let them Skype since we live 10 hours away. At Christmas time SS was mean to our little one (6months at the time) and would push him out of the way to be near who ever DS was with. H tried to spend as much one on one time with him, but he just kept telling H he only wanted to play SP3 because his mom would let him all the time. SS now hates me according to BM because i would not let him play call of duty (he is 6! He should not be playing games like that), and I have not been aloud to speak to SS or be on Skype with them. This hurts me, since all summer i would hear from SS daycare that ss kept saying he wanted to live with us because Mommy will actually spend time with him inseated of A (he called BM by her name and me mommy. This is not something we asked him to do, he started it because BM started calling me momma K)
I'm dreading this summer, and what BM's brainwashing has done to SS.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BM at it again
Just curious why do you live 10 hours away? Seems like a lot of these issues could be worked on from a closer distance.
You kind of have to put yourself in your SS's shoes. How would you have felt towards your dad if he had lived across the country and only saw you a few weeks out of the year? I think that situation inherently makes the relationship difficult. Skype or not. Difficult BM or not.
Honestly the only way to counteract these parental alienation tactics is to document and then file contempt.
You can record the Skype calls (not sure of your state's laws but we can) to help prove the case. Check with a lawyer obviously first.
Good Luck and try to hang in there, it is sometimes very discouraging but if you show the child love and attention it will help foster your relationship more than you know. My SKs are young as well 4 and 9. Their mother sounds very very similiar to what you are describing.
She has tried to teach them ugly things to say, but they love me and while they may tell me the names she has told them to call me, they know I love them, will protect them, care for them and we have a great time everytime we are together.
When we do pick up (at the airport) they both come running, smiling and screaming our names to me and their daddy.
Hang in there.
You are so transparent, it`s ridiculous.
A lot of ppl are suggesting she deal with this through the court system. As we all know if BD would have gone to the court when BM initally tried to move he could have prevented being 10 hours away from his child.
Well according to most of you it is always the BM's fault. I can't imagine 100% of the time the BM is in the wrong.
And you are right my son will know the truth when he gets older. And the truth will be that his dad chose to make him live a life of being passed back and forth every other week. And if ever he comes to me with complaints regarding his upbringing he will be told it was his fathers choice to make him live that way.
Ya know Dmnds, I was about to defend you a bit here because I felt like everyone was just kind of jumping on you for no reason. And then you go and say the bolded.
That's a pretty shitty thing to tell a kid. It really is. DC moved from CA to TN for no reason other than to distance himself from me because I wouldn't reconcile with him. I would never, ever tell my children that it's their father's fault for the distance. Or in this case, would you say it's my fault since I wouldn't reconcile with the philandering douche canoe? No child should ever be told it's one parent's fault. Ever. What ever happened to the good od fashioned, "Mommy and Daddy decided we were happier apart than we were together"? Who cares if it's not the total truth, no child should ever be burdoned with their parents' drama.
OP: I agree with PPs. Document everything you can and record what is legal in your area. Keep gathering your arsenal and then go to Court. Parental Alienation is grounds for a change of custody, but you need to have a pretty strong case. Good luck.
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You are disgusting. The fact that you would intentionally make your child feel like his father did not care enough about is despicable. You should be ashamed of yourself.
WOW!
You have to remember that your child is one half you and one half your ex. Whenever you talk about your ex and say how terrible he is, you are also telling your child that half of him is bad. Think more about your child and less about yourself.
What a sad and bitter life you are setting up for your child.
OP: I have no good advice, except I'm glad you are documenting everything (great advice from PPs) and I'm really sorry. I hope your summer with him will give him time to see what is "real" and as he gets older, he will start to separate his ideas from what his mother is telling him to think. I'm just sorry. Hang in there - I bet this summer will be better. Good luck!!!
I also second Jo. I was going to agree that if the BD moved 10 hours away, some of this actually is due to distance. But I would not have assumed that without asking, AND I think what Jo had bolded is awful, diamonds. Keep going to therapy and keep trying to think about what is best for DS. In IN, we had to take a class about how to handle children of divorce, and what is bolded was the one thing they wanted you to never do. At this point, I hope you are saying that out of anger, and this is a place to vent your frustrations.
You have to remember that your child is one half you and one half your ex. Whenever you talk about your ex and say how terrible he is, you are also telling your child that half of him is bad. Think more about your child and less about yourself.
What a sad and bitter life you are setting up for your child.
Completely agree with bold!!!