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jenjen930
member
BM's latest shenanigans
jenjen930
member
This is why we never ask BM to switch weekends. Sometime down the line she always, always throws it back in our face. It's just not worth it.
So this year is our Easter. And we have always taken SD for spring break as well. So she texts us yesterday asking what is going on for Easter. We say we will take SD for spring break (the week before Easter) and keep her through Easter. She says that she made plans for the weekend before Easter (which is our weekend per the EOWE schedule) to have Easter with her family. Really? You are going to make plans on our weekend without talking to DH first? Okay - whatever. DH is laid off right now, so probably will have the whole week to spend all day with SD (which is a first BTW). He said if he is still laid off then fine - we will give up the weekend and she can drop her off at our house Sunday night. But if he is back to work by then he doesn't really want to lose a whole weekend with her because he won't have as much time during the week. She would have the following weekend to do Easter with SD and her family.
Of course, here comes the arguments. That weekend wouldn't be our weekend, but we switched earlier in the month. Um, no. We didn't switch. We asked her if we could take an extra weekend (which she has NEVER had a problem with before - she actually used to beg DH to take extra weekends) so that she could spend time with her uncle, who she hasn't seen in 2 years. But we didn't switch anything, and still took her for our regular weekends. So nice try. When we tell her we didn't switch, we just took an extra weekend, she says "That is what I mean". Huh? Then she says, "I always work around your plans, why can't you work around mine for once?" She never works around our plans, we never ask her to! We always just plan around our weekends, because it is not worth it to ask her to switch. Why? Because of this very issue. This happens every time. She usually can never get rid of her daughter enough, but now that she wants something she tries to manipulate the whole situation.
Oh, and all of the sudden we are only entitled to half of spring break. We have ALWAYS had all of it. 6 years it has been this way. I don't think the CO specifically addresses spring break, and I will have to look at the state guidelines, but seriously. She is going to turn around and try to change everything just to get what she wants on one weekend? And, WTH was she thinking making plans on DH's weekend without talking to him about it? Why couldn't she just do Easter the weekend after, when she will definately have SD?
Sorry this got so long. She just bugs me.
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Re: BM's latest shenanigans
The way I read this is that she gave you an extra weekend when you requested it and now in return you are refusing to allow her to celebrate Easter a week early with her daughter and her family. Did I get that right?
She constantly asks us to take extra weekends (for her benefit - but whatever, but we do it because we want to), so we didn't see it as a problem when we asked for one so SD can see her uncle for the first time in 2 years. And it wasn't a problem - until she wanted something else. Then she throws it in our faces.
My problem is that she just made plans on our weekend, when there is another weekend she could have done it, without consulting with us. What if we had plans that weekend already? DH doesn't get enough time with SD as it is. He doesn't want to give up time with her if at all possible. If he is still not working at that point we are willing to work with her because he will have way more time than he usually does. But if he has to work during the week he doesn't want to miss out on the weekend, because those are the only full days he gets with her.
Additionally, I have seen (here and elsewhere) way too many horror stories of deadbeat dads who don't care about seeing their kids. I think she should appreciate (at least for SD's sake) this dad wanting to see his daughter and making her a priority. He doesn't want to give up his time because he WANTS her. Isn't that a good thing?
Yes, we asked for extra time just this once for a very special occasion. She could have said no. But then she throws it back in our faces, reminding us why we don't do this normally, and won't be doing it again anytime soon.
Oh, you are so right about that!
And you are seeing it exactly as I am. Thanks!
Well if this is an issue that comes up a lot, where BM asks for extra weekends and you guys give in but she will not do the same, you need to tell her from now on you will only follow the CO from now on. And I don`t understand if your husband only gets EOW, why he would willing give BM extra weekends rather than switching since you said he wants SD with him.
My DH had SD EOW from the time that SD was 13 months old until this Dec so I know all about wanting more time.
This. Flexability goes a long way. Just give her the day.
It is BM that wants to give her up all the time, not DH. She is always asking us to take extra weekends, which we do whenever we can. But this is apparently only okay when she initiates it, not us.
That sounds exactly like the kind of stuff we have to deal with. Sometimes she tries to be civil, but as soon as she wants something everything changes. She conveniently "forgets" stuff that we have done for her, and then manipulates anything she might have done for us at any time. It's amazing what she can remember if it benefits her.
Oh ok, sorry I misunderstood. From now on stick to the CO or get it in writing when she gives you guys the weekend.
Oh we always get it in writing. Usually by text, but definately documentable. We do mostly just stick to the CO, and these types of situations are exactly why. But her uncle (DH's brother) is working in Afghanistan right now, and came home for the first time in 2 years. We didn't want her to miss out on seeing him, so we asked her nicely if we could have the extra weekend via email. She agreed, and was nice about it. It's only when she wants something that she brings up stuff like this.
This. If there isn't a proposd "switch" at the time changing the schedule is being negotiated then it isn't a switch. People can't just hold onto that and use it later.
That being said, flexibility is key. I get that BM is unreasonable and is constantly giving up time. I also understand that she idn't bother talking to YH prior to making the plans and now that she's grumpy she's rearranging things in an effort to screw YH. However, is refusing to give her that weekend worth the headache and potential loss of time with SD if BM withholds Spring Break? It sucks dealing with unreasonable people, but sometimes you just have to "play ball" in order to get what you want also.
Sidenote: I'm sorry about YH being laid-off. I hope he's able to find employment soon and that your family isn't impacted by the loss of income for too long.
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Exactly.
Thanks for the kind words. Right now the lay off is bad news. So we are just hoping he gets back to work soon.
We likely will end up giving in to her. It just sucks that DH is going to have to miss out on more time with her. He misses her so much sometimes it hurts him. And she misses him. He's actually excited about having her all week long if he is still off work. It'll be the most time he's spent with her in longer than we can remember. If that is the case we told her we would definately sacrifice the weekend. I guess we'll see what happens.