"The Twins"

mirnb

Anyone else HATE when people call their kids this? I think it irks me because growing up my best friends were twins and they hated it so much!

Certain people in our families refer to them like this and I don't know if it is worth making an issue over......thoughts? 

groovygrl

Not really, it is just easier than saying both names. In other families if there are 2 of the same sex child ppl will often refer to them as the girls or the boys, I don't really see it any differently. But then again, a lot of the things that bug others don't seem to bug me much so I might not be the best person to answer.

ETA I forgot to include this the first time but I suspect your friends hated it when they were older, esp in adolescence b/c that is when the whole identity thing becomes more important...at that point I can totally understand it & understand their sentiment if ppl are always putting them together (I had good friends who were identical twins and went through that same deal in h.s. and were at odds for awhile & there would be boys in the class who would say they liked "the twins", either one-- I can see why that would be really offensive)... BUT as babies, toddlers & little kids, being a twin probably is a big part of their identity & I think they probably don't care and even like it- I think you're maybe projecting your own view of what that would be like for a teen or adult and not for a little kid.

LottaLattes

I wouldn't say worth bringing up at all. In all fairness, they are twins ; I usually call mine the babies, but with 4 boys, I have less to specify them!

staceymack

Sort of off subject but my best friends are twins too. :-)

Brummy14

I Heart The 80s:

I'd annoy you then....I still call my twins "the babies". They will be 3 in Sept.

Yeah, I refer to them as 'The Girls,' myself...

LadyNikon

my babysitter has twins.  When she wants them both to come downstairs she yells "twins dinner".  I think either its easier cause there are two.. or people can't remember their name.  

Cinnamon Haze

groovygrl:

Not really, it is just easier than saying both names. In other families if there are 2 of the same sex child ppl will often refer to them as the girls or the boys, I don't really see it any differently. But then again, a lot of the things that bug others don't seem to bug me much so I might not be the best person to answer.

This^

QBall27

Ours haven't even been born yet, but DH & I have already discussed this -- at least as it applies to what we, personally, will call them.  We don't want them to feel like they're just a pair; we want them to have their own unique identities, so we've already decided we want to make a concerted effort to refer to them by name.  I guess I'll wait & see if it bothers me if others refer to them as "the twins" too often... Or if, by our own modeling of calling them by name, maybe others in our family will do that, too.  

JocelynB0911

If you dont like it then you dont like it. But to make an issue out of it is silly. They are twins and sometimes it is easier to call them the twins, espically when you're in a large group setting and move on. There are going to be 8 grandkids on my husbands side now that were expecting two. Grandma and grandpa cant keep the names of the first 6 straight as it is, they will most likely refer to them as "the twins" if they are not referring to them individually.

I call them the twins all of the time.

Dragonfly1226

Ours haven't been born yet, but I refer to them as "the twins" or "the girls." I'm not sure if I will stop when they are born and have names. (We won't choose names until after they are born.) I never thought it was a bad way to refer to them though.

Cinnamon Haze

It just seems childish to let it bother you.

My sister has 4 kids... when I go see her I dont say hey, where is A,B,C AND D?? I say, oh... where are the 'kids'? (usually out with dad or out back playing etc.Unless just one was gone and then I would ask where that specific child went off to.

That's what they are, theyre kids....  if i was looking for her cats, which she has 2 of, I would just say, where are the cats, not where is so and so.... unless one seemed to be missing or something and then the context would change.

It in no way takes away individuality and is part of life. 

In school, they say,'ok kids/students... take your seats'. 'Ok Everyone, lets line up' .

Really, pick your battles..... this is  a non issue and of course Every child is an individual. Being petty isnt going to change it, it's just going to Make it an issue. Youre very lucky if you have nothing bigger to contend with.

 

JNoelleE

I personally get annoyed when people get annoyed by that phrase! You don't have to call them that, but shouldn't care if others do. I mean, you can care, but I don't think you should tell others what to say. People would get all worried if they slipped and feel like they are on eggshells making sure to NOT say it. That's how I feel. My SIL has twins, and it bugs her. So, I just say "the babies" haha. I'm having twins, and while it may get old, I won't tell people what they can and can't call them. 

Cleo421

Fwiw, my aunts are twins. They gave me some "rules" to follow, the first being, please don't ever refer to them as "the twins!" They apparently hated that growing up, from the time they were old enough to understand. DH and I are already practicing. We've been referring to them as Inky and Blinky, trying to get in the habit of using both names.

Rule number two they gave me was to make sure each child gets his/her own birthday cake.

kelandspence2012

My mom always calls them that ... it doesnt really bother me but if it did i would say something to her! I think that she is just so proud to be a grandma to twins! She always says that if my grandma were still here she would be tickled! :

mirnb

My friends gave those exact same rules I guess its all a matter of opinion....interesting to see everyones thoughts! 

 

Cleo421:

Fwiw, my aunts are twins. They gave me some "rules" to follow, the first being, please don't ever refer to them as "the twins!" They apparently hated that growing up, from the time they were old enough to understand. DH and I are already practicing. We've been referring to them as Inky and Blinky, trying to get in the habit of using both names. Rule number two they gave me was to make sure each child gets his/her own birthday cake.

macchiatto

It's interesting reading the replies to see how consensus on this board shifts back and forth as new groups of posters become dominant. When this was brought up when my boys were babies/young toddlers, it seemed like more of us were a little irked by people referring to them as "the twins." For a couple reasons:

* compared to saying "the kids" or "the boys/girls" it seems a little more AWish somehow to say "the twins" or "the triplets" (and yes, that's totally subjective; I'm just saying consensus from a different group of MoMs and I felt that way, too, even if it doesn't necessarily make sense to everyone; more of an instinctive reaction a lot of us found ourselves having). Also different because multiples have a bigger issue than other siblings do with being lumped together so it might merit a little more sensitivity.

* they sometimes get lumped together at times when other siblings would not. i.e. there have been times when people will name other kids as individuals but then lump together "the twins." (i.e. "We're having Jack, Emma, Carrie and the twins over for lunch" even though Jack and Emma are siblings, too.) And as several pp's mentioned, older twins can find that frustrating/annoying ... and it can happen a lot earlier than you might think.

True that it's ultimately not a big deal, but OP, know that you're not alone even if you might be in the minority with the current main group of Multiples posters. Like I said, consensus on this seems to shift back and forth a bit over time.

With our kids, we don't often refer to them as "the twins" unless it's in a context where them being the same age is relevant. We do refer to them often as "the boys"/"our kids" etc. And other people don't really refer to them as "the twins" that often, either (though some do). They did get lumped together a lot when they were babies but by age 1 or so, they looked and acted so different that we haven't had a lot of problems with people treating them like individuals, which is nice.

Reilly626

Doesn't bug me! But my adult twin friends hated it in high school.

macchiatto

Oh, and to really answer your question more directly ... It totally makes sense that if you grew up hearing twins you were close to mention how much they hated being called "the twins," that you would find it irksome. I wouldn't make an issue out of it with others but I also don't think it would hurt to mention how your friends felt about it. Maybe just in a conversational way b/c it's probably something your family wouldn't have even thought twice about and might find interesting. I wouldn't make an issue out of it but if you never refer to them that way yourself, others might notice and eventually pick up on that.

zombiemommy

I usually call them "the boys", but it doesn't bother me if people call them "the twins". I can see why it might later on, but not now. After all, that's what they are. It's a lot shorter than saying their names, especially in kind of "cooler talk" conversation with acquaintances.

Gemelli

I don't mind what they are called but I will give you the secret to avoiding the situation. Have two sets of boy twins. We call the five year olds the dudes and the two year olds the babies. Not sure what we are going to call the surprise boy when he arrives in nine weeks.

katiebenes

Mine will be the first twins anywhere in either family. I'm fairly certain that's all they will be called and I think its cute. 

leapgirl8

I call them "the babies" all the time and that is not much different. Before they were born we read about how avoiding "the twins" is important, but now that they're here it doesn't seem like a big deal. They are very distinct people, and not just b/c of gender - they have totally different personalities, and I don't think anyone is ever going to assume that they can/should be treated the same. If they do, DD will, I am sure, make sure to disabuse them of that notion! She hasn't learned to talk yet and I already know her opinion on just about everything  

raraavis28

My LOs are "the babies" bc right now they're the only babies in our families. I can see them being referred to as "the twins" down the line and it doesn't bother me, but context is important. I also think it's important that, regardless of what they are called as a pair, overall they are raised to feel like they are known and loved as individuals and not just parts of a set. What bugs me, therefore, isn't someone calling them "the twins" but FIL refusing to try to tell them apart or use their names...even though everyone else can bc of their size difference.

Scorpgirl444

I do this myself to my own kids!  lol  It gets annoying to say both names (Anthony and Ashleigh) or saying the babies.  The twins is just so much easier.

I'm sure as time goes on this will stop as they do separate things. 

mirnb

macchiatto:

It's interesting reading the replies to see how consensus on this board shifts back and forth as new groups of posters become dominant. When this was brought up when my boys were babies/young toddlers, it seemed like more of us were a little irked by people referring to them as "the twins." For a couple reasons:

* compared to saying "the kids" or "the boys/girls" it seems a little more AWish somehow to say "the twins" or "the triplets" (and yes, that's totally subjective; I'm just saying consensus from a different group of MoMs and I felt that way, too, even if it doesn't necessarily make sense to everyone; more of an instinctive reaction a lot of us found ourselves having). Also different because multiples have a bigger issue than other siblings do with being lumped together so it might merit a little more sensitivity.

* they sometimes get lumped together at times when other siblings would not. i.e. there have been times when people will name other kids as individuals but then lump together "the twins." (i.e. "We're having Jack, Emma, Carrie and the twins over for lunch" even though Jack and Emma are siblings, too.) And as several pp's mentioned, older twins can find that frustrating/annoying ... and it can happen a lot earlier than you might think.

True that it's ultimately not a big deal, but OP, know that you're not alone even if you might be in the minority with the current main group of Multiples posters. Like I said, consensus on this seems to shift back and forth a bit over time.

With our kids, we don't often refer to them as "the twins" unless it's in a context where them being the same age is relevant. We do refer to them often as "the boys"/"our kids" etc. And other people don't really refer to them as "the twins" that often, either (though some do). They did get lumped together a lot when they were babies but by age 1 or so, they looked and acted so different that we haven't had a lot of problems with people treating them like individuals, which is nice.

 

Thanks for posting this.....I'm actually surprised at the huge reaction to this post....funny how people feel so strongly about it being ok I guess everyone is different...maybe should have titled this post more of a vent....if people actually knew me and I asked this there may have a different response as I'm not the type to be confrontational, especially over small petty issues. Without going into more detail about other family issues, it probably is more bothersome to me because they same people who like to refer to them as "the twins" also constantly are comparing them in ways that make one the "good" twin and one the "bad" twin..Also they have referred to them as the twins when only one of them is in the room which makes no sense to me?? like "oh look at the twins playing over there"....but its just one baby???so I guess I'm extra sensitive when it comes to any sort of comparison between the two....I just want them to be seen as 2 individuals who happen to be born on the same day....and I like the names I chose for them so I'd like people to use them