EDIT - I didn't know how to delete the thread and even though the chances are slim I wouldn't want to risk her coming across this post. Thank you all for responses!
I think your response was fine.nbsp; Part of the reason she keeps having kids and making poor choices is that people clearly keep coming to her rescue.nbsp; I so would not host a shower for her.nbsp; You're not in the wrong at all.nbsp;
I completely agree. For someone who's "well educated," she's really not very smart, and for a lot of reasons like having a child with someone she barely knows, asking someone who helps her with her other kids to host a shower, expecting others to foot the bill for her fourth kid, I could go on.
This times 10. Just seems weird to have a baby shower for number 4. Even weirder no matter how close she is to you her baby daddy's wife would be the one to host. If she really is looking for a party what about the baby's dads side. Besides the timing is terrible you should be enjoying your last weeks with your hubby before your bundle of joy comes.
Sounds like she is jealous you are getting a shower.
I agree that a shower should be out of the question. If you really wanted to do something for her you could do a bbq or meet the baby rather than a full blown shower. It would stink if she is hurt by your actions but at the same time she should know that you are in the right.
I think your response was fine. Part of the reason she keeps having kids and making poor choices is that people clearly keep coming to her rescue.
I so would not host a shower for her. You're not in the wrong at all.
None of us including the OP is in a position to state that. Although she might be making bad choices unless you are her therapist you can't really say why. (and it might be a good idea for her to see on so she can figure it all out) You can guess all you want but it doesn't make it right. EDIT
Aside from that I agree, you gave a fine answer. No matter what number child this is it's not ok to basically ask someone to throw you a shower. Don't feel bad about not hosting a shower, she should feel bad for even implying she wanted one.
EDIT She doesn't sound like she's in a great position and certainly no one should be expected to help her other than the father of the baby.
Wow! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like you and your DH have gone above and beyond for her. I think you were absolutely dead on in your response and quite polite. I, personally, would have been tempted to say "instead of throwing you a shower, I'd like to use that $$$ to buy you birth control!" Everyone makes choices and she needs to step up and be responsible for her choices....
I really hope you can enjoy the last few months of your pregnancy and enjoy your shower. Do not feel guilty!!!
I appreciate you all making me feel better about it. This whole
situation has been odd. Of course we do everything needed for my
husbands daughter. Child support, school clothes, insurance co pays,
dental bills, ect. With the older 2 we just do a lot of "extras" like
college application fees, homecoming dresses, monthly cell phone bills,
ect because they're good kids and we love them. They come visit on the weekends and in the summer with his daughter. I am sure we will not
have the same bond with this next one and I have no intention of helping
financially.
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy my time and try not to let her situation worry me. And I definitely won't be hosting a shower!
Thanks again! Can I stick around? I've been reading a lot and I'm loving this board!
I appreciate you all making me feel better about it. This whole
situation has been odd. Of course we do everything needed for my
husbands daughter. Child support, school clothes, insurance co pays,
dental bills, ect. With the older 2 we just do a lot of "extras" like
college application fees, homecoming dresses, monthly cell phone bills,
ect because they're good kids and we love them. They come visit on the weekends and in the summer with his daughter. I am sure we will not
have the same bond with this next one and I have no intention of helping
financially.
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy my time and try not to let her situation worry me. And I definitely won't be hosting a shower!
Thanks again! Can I stick around? I've been reading a lot and I'm loving this board!
Gonna pretty much echo everybody else. Nobody is entitled to a shower for any child, much less a 4th. Like others have said, as harsh as it is, if she needs a shower to provide for her child...well...let's just say she should have thought about that before she got pregnant. It is nice that you feel so close to her that you would like to throw her a shower, but you (nor anybody else) are not obligated in the least.
Wow! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like you and your DH have gone above and beyond for her. I think you were absolutely dead on in your response and quite polite. I, personally, would have been tempted to say "instead of throwing you a shower, I'd like to use that $$$ to buy you birth control!" Everyone makes choices and she needs to step up and be responsible for her choices....
I really hope you can enjoy the last few months of your pregnancy and enjoy your shower. Do not feel guilty!!!
Exactly this. I was thinking the same thing the whole time I was reading everyone's repsonses. Thanks for saying it for me;)
Re: Please help me justify my actions...lol
I think your response was fine. Part of the reason she keeps having kids and making poor choices is that people clearly keep coming to her rescue.
I so would not host a shower for her. You're not in the wrong at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thank you! This is exactly what my husband said but I needed to hear it from someone who's not emotionally invested.
I completely agree. For someone who's "well educated," she's really not very smart, and for a lot of reasons like having a child with someone she barely knows, asking someone who helps her with her other kids to host a shower, expecting others to foot the bill for her fourth kid, I could go on.
Sorry for the weird punctuation. I'm on my phone.
Personally I don't like showers for 2 kids. Also, I would feel weird hosting a shower that someone asked me to throw for them.
This times 10. Just seems weird to have a baby shower for number 4. Even weirder no matter how close she is to you her baby daddy's wife would be the one to host. If she really is looking for a party what about the baby's dads side. Besides the timing is terrible you should be enjoying your last weeks with your hubby before your bundle of joy comes.
Sounds like she is jealous you are getting a shower.
Though you ma be close it is not your responsibility to host a shower for her especially because she asked.
I know this may sound harsh but if you can lay down and have a baby, you must stand up and take care of it.
Best wishes for her though, and you as well.
Thank you ladies! I'm feeling much better about it. Your responses are so dead on.
As far as the baby's fathers side, he is not in the picture at all.
When I told her I couldn't do it she said she would ask her sister in law to since she threw the sister in law one a few years ago. Um ok.
This whole situation with us both being pregnant at the same time is just so strange.
This was my thought, too. She expects other ppl to help her and she probably thought you would come to her rescue.
None of us including the OP is in a position to state that. Although she might be making bad choices unless you are her therapist you can't really say why. (and it might be a good idea for her to see on so she can figure it all out) You can guess all you want but it doesn't make it right. EDIT
Aside from that I agree, you gave a fine answer. No matter what number child this is it's not ok to basically ask someone to throw you a shower. Don't feel bad about not hosting a shower, she should feel bad for even implying she wanted one.
EDIT She doesn't sound like she's in a great position and certainly no one should be expected to help her other than the father of the baby.
Wow! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like you and your DH have gone above and beyond for her. I think you were absolutely dead on in your response and quite polite. I, personally, would have been tempted to say "instead of throwing you a shower, I'd like to use that $$$ to buy you birth control!" Everyone makes choices and she needs to step up and be responsible for her choices....
I really hope you can enjoy the last few months of your pregnancy and enjoy your shower. Do not feel guilty!!!
I appreciate you all making me feel better about it. This whole situation has been odd. Of course we do everything needed for my husbands daughter. Child support, school clothes, insurance co pays, dental bills, ect. With the older 2 we just do a lot of "extras" like college application fees, homecoming dresses, monthly cell phone bills, ect because they're good kids and we love them. They come visit on the weekends and in the summer with his daughter. I am sure we will not have the same bond with this next one and I have no intention of helping financially.
Anyway, I'm just going to enjoy my time and try not to let her situation worry me. And I definitely won't be hosting a shower!
Thanks again! Can I stick around? I've been reading a lot and I'm loving this board!Be guilt-free, darling!
Exactly this. I was thinking the same thing the whole time I was reading everyone's repsonses. Thanks for saying it for me;)
I can't imagine a time when I wouldn't side-eye a 4th shower.
Unreal