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Wedding Gift Problem

Long story short: my husband is in a destination wedding that I likely can't attend next month (kids not invited).  His overall cost to attend is well over $1k, so I wanted to stay budget friendly on the gift. The couple's wedding website requests cash or checks, but I don't want to do that. They have 2 registries (Amazon and BBB) but the stuff they registered for is really expensive. There are some things under $40, but it is like individual serving utensils and washcloths. I would totally feel like a cheapskate if I bought anything off the registry, because it would be like a quarter of a gift.

So, what would you do? Find something on the registry? Give a $50 giftcard (I don't like giftcards though)? Buy something not on the registry although, I am not sure what? 

Re: Wedding Gift Problem

  • I'd do the fifty dollar gift card.
  • I would get them a nice frame and consider framing their invitation.
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  • IMO his attendance is their gift. I had a destination wedding and I was just glad to have friends and family there to share our day.
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  • imagecole2144:
    IMO his attendance is their gift. I had a destination wedding and I was just glad to have friends and family there to share our day.


    This.

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  • imagecole2144:
    IMO his attendance is their gift. I had a destination wedding and I was just glad to have friends and family there to share our day.


    I had a destination wedding and completely agree with this.
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  • image1026pumpkin:
    I would get them a nice frame and consider framing their invitation.

    I agree with this! Apparently it's something traditional (that I had never known about), and I was so touched when I opened a beautiful frame with our invitation. It sits on our mantel next to our Wedding photo. It was a thoughtful gesture, and one of my favorite gifts. :) GL! 

     
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  • I'd give the $50 gift card to where they are registered.  Plus, I'd have your DH take it with the card. 

    My DH and I were both in a destination wedding (kids not invited) but we knew about it for over a year so we saved for it.  Fortunately, the bride did not go overboard with the cost of dresses and such.  It was at an all inclusive so once we got to the place there were no extra expenses.  She didn't have tuxes (just pants and a shirt and flip flops.  We even stayed an extra 4 days!  We gave a gift card to where they are registered.

  • My first thought was to give a $50 gc because I can't imagine not giving a gift.

    Granted, that advice is coming from someone who was in a destination wedding...spent $2000 to go on the trip...plus $300+ for an ugly BM dress I never wore again...and another who-knows-how-much to attend a reception back "home" (where we all grew up but where none of us were living anymore) a few weeks after the destination wedding. I went overboard with everything in this situation though because it was one of my closest friend's weddings and I wanted her to have a great experience. My BFF and I purchased all kind of goodies to throw the BTB a "bachelorette" party while we were at the destination. Since I couldn't make the shower before the wedding, I also took a shower gift to the wedding as well. And then I took a present to the reception a few weeks later. This friend's wedding cost me an arm and a leg.

    And 6 years later the bride and her husband are separated. Ugh.

    To add to that, I asked the bride to be in my wedding party over 3 years ago. She couldn't attend due to being 8 months pregnant at the time of my wedding (and living quite a distance away so travel was out). Never even received a card from her congratulating DH and I on our wedding. Ouch, hey? I know that showers/weddings/gifts etc. are not tit for tat. But, seriously? Not even a card. 

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  • If they're drinkers, bottle of bubbly or wine with note "For your 1 year anniversary"  or 1 month, or for whatever you think is special.
  • I went to a destination wedding, which cost me well over 1k as well. I did not buy a gift. Attending their wedding in a different country and paying your own way is enough. They were fine with it. They later had a reception about 2 months later and people who were unable to attend the destination wedding purchased gifts for them. Think about it this way, if your husband was NOT flying to a destination wedding would you have normally spent 1k on a wedding gift? Probably not. I also don't think the bride and groom should be surprised if they don't receive gifts from people who spent that much money to attend their wedding.
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  • imagecole2144:
    IMO his attendance is their gift. I had a destination wedding and I was just glad to have friends and family there to share our day.

    This. It's ridiculous that your already spending so much for DH to get there. Not to mention the way overpriced registry. Ugh. some people.  

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  • I agree with everybody who has said that his attendance should really be considered enough of a gift. $1000 is a LOT of money for most people to spend on a weekend, especially in this economy. Personally, I think it's slightly rude of the couple to have planned a destination wedding and then turn around to create such an extravagant gift registry in which a $40 serving utensil is the cheapest item.
     
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  • EmJ&BEmJ&B member
    I'm not sure I'd bring a gift at all . . . I might get a picture frame but I really feel that going all the way to the wedding is enough.
    Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
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  • image1026pumpkin:
    I would get them a nice frame and consider framing their invitation.

     Thanks ladies!  I am truly a cheapskate, so I wanted to run this by other people to make sure that I wasn't being my usual cheap self if I can help it.  I would love to frame an invite but we haven't received one (and the wedding is in a month, so probably won't happen) but maybe I could see if my husband could take a couple pictures at the wedding, and then I could send that later. 

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