Shower invite questions!

mamagator825630

My husband is military, so we live away from our family and friends. We have a lot of friends who have moved out of state as well. And our shower will be at my moms house, which is 4 hours away from where I live. I have had a bunch of friends ask me about my shower, but it is only recently being planned. I don't know who to invite. My friends and family who are out of state obviously are unlikely to make the trip for the shower, but since some of them are close friends, I'm not sure if I insult them by not inviting them, or if I seem like I am just hoping for gifts if I do invite them. Does anyone know what the proper invite etiquette is?

Beachy730

It really depends on how you think these people would take it.  Personally I wouldn't want to invite someone who lived out of town unless you know for a fact that they would be hurt by not being invited.  I was invited to a bridal shower in CA last year (I live in VA) and I totally felt like it was a gift grab.

If your OOT friends are the ones asking about it and sound interested in attending, then invite them.  Other than that I wouldn't do it. 

KIR2DS4

I agree with PP, it feels gift grabby to me, but it all depends on who is asking you the details. IME, people send gifts regardless of being at the shower (after the birth, etc) and the shower is more for the "fun" and social aspect. Just sending an invite to "include people" doesn't jive with me. 

ehnasto

The etiquett in my family (please remember this is JUST my family) is that you invite all family members who would be included if the whole all lived in the same town even if people are very far away. Yes it is unlikely that many will be able to make the trip if it is several hours away but sometimes, especially family, will make the extra effort.

With friends I think you invite those who are close physically. I am in a similar situation athat most of my friends live states away (I have like 4 girlfriends who are even in this state) but they all understand that they will not be invited to a shower since it does seem a bit grabby. Those friends who want to send gifts will do so anyway and those who don't won't feel obligated.  Plus those friends who want to be involved with your pregnancy and kid will make it VERY clear and are most likely your closest friends who are usually the most understanding.