home vs. daycare (long) — The Bump
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home vs. daycare (long)

I've read that it is typical for kids to behave one way at daycare, and another at home, but DD's Jekyll and Hyde routine is really wearing on me.  The issue isn't even just with home vs. daycare, but it's about me vs. anyone else. 

Daycare admitted at her "parent-teacher conference" that she is strong-willed and a little stubborn, but they said she is really engaged in all the activities and generally very happy, and very smart.  One morning she threw a fit when I dropped her off because I took her sippy away and they were shocked.  Apparently she doesn't do that for them.  Also, at home, it takes 2 adults to change her diaper; no joke.  It's like a wrestling match with tears and screaming.  Apparently she also does not do that at daycare. 

What is also frustrating is that she will play perfectly with someone else when I'm not around, but the second I show up, she becomes clingy and whiny.  She only wants me, but sometimes she is not happy playing with me, she just wants to hang on me, or me to pick her up.  She'll be perfectly happy at daycare when we pick her up, but as soon as she gets home, it's often a struggle and grumpiness through dinner until bed.  When we get home, I do give her my undivided attention.  We sit on the floor with her toys, but sometimes she just wants to sit on my lap and yell indiscriminately.  Daddy tries to play with us too, and often she just bats him away.

Now, I'll admit she's still actively teething, and she's gotten a little worse about yelling since she broke her leg 2 weeks ago and can't get around as well, but this was all happening before that too.  What gives?  Am I doing something wrong?  Is it that she's just tired after a long day?  I am jealous that we don't always get the sweet little girl that daycare does. 

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Re: home vs. daycare (long)

  • Hang in there! My DD is also cranky from 6-8pm every evening after we pick her up from daycare. It's a hard time for them after a long day of interaction. Oftentimes, she will just want to sit with me or have me pick her up too. This is especially prominent when she's teething or sick. I would think her behavior now is linked to pain/annoyance at the broken leg & her active teething, like you said. She may just want to be close to you, and is acting out when she feels she's not getting that. Also, the yelling might be a way to test her voice/capabilities? I know DD went through a phase like that but generally doesn't do that anymore.

    Is she hungry when she fusses and is irritable? How are her naps at daycare? I found that if my daughter wasn't sick, teething, or tired, she would fuss and cry because she was hungry or thirsty. For the diapers, do you change her on the floor or a table? What does she do when she fights you? I found my DD wanted to "help" with the diaper changing process and would try to reach for the cream, wipes, etc. When I gave her something diaper-related to hold while changing, it made it a lot better.

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  • I don't really have any advice for you, but you are not alone! DS is 2 next month, and he is SUPER good at daycare (I've watched them just say "diaper change" and he walks over there and just hangs out while they change him... while at home, he fights and screams for me) while at home, he acts up. Same with times that we are not home. Like when he stayed with my in laws while we were in the hospital for DS #2 - they said that he didn't act out at all, was super cooperative, etc.

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  • image salc21:

    I don't really have any advice for you, but you are not alone! DS is 2 next month, and he is SUPER good at daycare (I've watched them just say "diaper change" and he walks over there and just hangs out while they change him... while at home, he fights and screams for me) while at home, he acts up. Same with times that we are not home. Like when he stayed with my in laws while we were in the hospital for DS #2 - they said that he didn't act out at all, was super cooperative, etc.

    This is my DS to a T! Our provider said he has barely ever shed a tear, lays down on his nap mat as soon as it is time, and diaper changes are a breeze. Meanwhile at home he is a Tazmanian Devil.

  • Oh boy, reading this I thought that I could have written this a year or so ago about Luke. He was the same way. I was at the end of my robe. At home he was the devil. He screamed, he cried, he threw the biggest fits and at the same time he was attached to me as if the umbilical cord was never cut.

    But out of the house, at daycare or with anyone else, he was a perfect angel. People would look at me like I was crazy when I told them what was going on at home. 

    It got so bad that I even took him to a pediatric psychologist. 

     

    I have no good answer, The thing that I ended up doing, that worked best for me was to just put him in time out, every time he went crazy, ignore his screaming, talk to him as normal as I could get myself to do and then after he sat through his time out I hugged him to help him calm down. Rinse, repeat. 

    He is still giving me a hard time at home at times (at age 5) but nothing like it used to be. 

    I am not going to lie, it took a long time. I would say that it started getting better when he was 4. 

     

    Hang in there, it means that she feels so safe around you that she can just let it all out. It sucks badly. But it WILL get better. 

     

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  • This is my life.  I'm a SAHM so it has becoming very tiring dealing with a whiney fussy kid all day who is all smiles when my husband comes home.  I don't have any advice and I don't think there is necessarily anything that can be done to 'fix' it.  I just try and reassure DD that I'm not going anywhere and I'm here if she needs me.

    I feel for you though.  It's exhausting and SO frustrating.

     

    ETA - I remember asking my pedi about this a few months ago and she said 'welcome to motherhood'.  She has 4 kids and her youngest are 5 and they still behave differently for her than they do her husband.  Obviously it's not quite the extreme that you deal with in the toddler years, but she said it's just part of being a parent.  

     

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
  • Are you giving her chances to be more "independent" (as far as a 1 yo can be?)

    The diaper thing caught my eye b/c at her age, she might want to help more - let her stand up for diaper changes or hand you wipes or get the clean diaper, etc. 

    Have you tried giving her a snack on the way home from school? 

    You might wnat to try turning on the TV for a few minutes after you get home to buy some peace, or ask your LO to "help" you in the kitchen or change clothes, with the dogs, etc. something and give her somethign to hold, etc.  You might also try a little tough love and if she wants to scream about stuff, let her scream, but leave her alone.

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  • Just wanted to chime in here also. B is apparently "easy breezy" at daycare...smiley and hardly ever cries. At home, he fights me over every diaper change or clothing change. He screams bloody murder if I walk out of the room. At his conference I mentioned how difficult he is for diaper changes and they had this puzzled look on their faces. Just lays there while they do it.

    I seriously don't get it!!

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  • ras26ras26
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    Since I'm on a posting spree, I wanted to thank everyone for responding.  It helped so much to know it's not just me and my LO, even if there is no magic solution.  We've had a couple of great mood days in a row this week and her cast comes off tomorrow, so we're riding this wave while it lasts.  It's a good reminder that there will be smile and giggle filled days that get you through the tantrums and food on the wall days.  :-)
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