Kids at showers?

lrn713

I can only imagine the responses I'm going to get in regards to what I'm about to say but I need advice so I have to ask so here goes...

My mom and I are currently in the process of planning my baby shower. It isn't until May which gives us some time to work with invitations, etc. but the biggest issue we're having is deciding on whether or not kids should be allowed at the shower. A large chunk of people on our invite list have kids already (which the age ranges are very varied) but some aren't the most...shall we say "well-behaved" kids around. Some are very well-behaved though and my mother is trying to justify allowing the "good kids" to come and not the others. I'm thinking more along the lines of it's either all or none because I feel that it is rude to say "yes" to some and "no" to others. So...where do I go from here? I need outside perspective on this because if I have to have the circular conversation with my mom one more time, I may faint lol. 

BeckyTheEngineer

I don't think that your mom should be picking the "good kids" who will be invited. That would be really rude to the moms who are told they can't bring theirs and arrange childcare, only to see other kids at the shower. I agree that it is all or none. I have been to fun showers with kids, but they were typically thrown for a guest of honor who already had kids.

It sounds like you want no kids, so go with that.

ehnasto

I would like to preface this with I don't have a ton of experience with baby showers but I do with showers in general.

A lot of women when they are going to a shower use it at the 2 or 3 hours out of the whole week where they get to get away from everything and feel like grown up lady again.

It also depends on the tone of what you want your shower to be. If you want it to seem family friendly with kid friendly games than you invite the kids. If you want it to be adults only and a little more "grown up" then you leave the kids out.

I am 100% with you that you can't say yes to some and no to others. In my book that is rude. Many moms don't see their kid as bad or rude and will be upset that you allowed other kids there.

Pick the tone you want and go with it, either way you can't really go wrong.

FemShep

You're right, OP-it's all or none. Having kids, or not, be invited is entirely up to your mom, but inviting the "good kids" but not others would be rude.  Good luck!

lrn713

Thank you for your advice!! Now the only thing is, if we do decide to go with the adults only route, does this need to be specifically written out on the invitations or how does that work out? Some of the guests aren't the brightest crayons in the box and might miss the hint that its no kids and might bring their kids without thinking twice. 

1026pumpkin

Agree with PPs, kids need to be all or none, and your mom should just let people know as they RSVP if it will be adults only.

Disneygeek77

You are right, your mom is wrong.  Don't let her win on this one because that could really offend and hurt some people to know their children were deliberately not invited. 

EastCoastBride

shrug if you don't want kids there and want it to be clear, say "adults only". Rude or not, it gets the point across.

However, you can also make a point the next time you talk to the people youre worried about to mention your shower. You can throw in some mention of how it's adults only, or what have you.

rhubarb123

EastCoastBride:

shrug if you don't want kids there and want it to be clear, say "adults only". Rude or not, it gets the point across. However, you can also make a point the next time you talk to the people youre worried about to mention your shower. You can throw in some mention of how it's adults only, or what have you.

I totally agree with this.  We added on our wedding invite "Adult Reception Immediately Following Ceremony" and STILL had people asking if they could bring their kids!!!  People DO NOT get the idea of NO KIDS. 

You are right and your mom is wrong.  You either have to invite all or none. 

I'm really surprised when I see people say not to put "no kids" on the invite and just tell them when they RSVP.  I've hosted a boat load of showers and quite frankly I don't even remember when I actually spoke to an RSVPer...usually they are messages left on my cell or home phone...sometimes a quick email.  I don't have time to play phone tag with people...if they RSVP saying they are coming and bringing little Johnny and Susie.  It is best to be clear up front.

EastCoastBride

rhubarb123:

I'm really surprised when I see people say not to put "no kids" on the invite and just tell them when they RSVP.  I've hosted a boat load of showers and quite frankly I don't even remember when I actually spoke to an RSVPer...usually they are messages left on my cell or home phone...sometimes a quick email.  I don't have time to play phone tag with people...if they RSVP saying they are coming and bringing little Johnny and Susie.  It is best to be clear up front.

This too!  If I'm collecting RSVPs, I prefer people to email me.  I don't really want to talk to all those people!

Which is why, again, OP - if you happen to talk to any of the kid people, find a way to mention the shower.  You can even be upfront about it.  "Oh, my shower has been set for __.  As it may affect you, I jsut wanted you to know that it's going to be adults only.".  Just a friendly FYI so that it will be on their radar that if they want to come, their child isn't invited.

ungraceful13

You have to pick yes or no for kids. For me the exception would be for a mom who is nursing to bring her baby. That varies though. I am going to a shower for the first time since having DD and I asked the host if I could bring her bc DH had to work and I am nursing and the host said it was fine.

RoxyLynn

Of course it's not "all or none" on kids.  It's not "all or none" on your HS friends, former co-workers, or anyone else.  Inviting two kids you're close to does not mean inviting 18 kids.

That said, I really don't know why babies or older children would be at a baby shower in the first place.  I would find it very odd to see anyone but an adult there.

RibbitGrl930

I agree with you and PP's, that it should be all or nothing in terms of inviting children. What you face with saying "no" to some and "yes" to others is having to explain to some of the "no" parents why their little one was excluded but others weren't...and that's a can of worms that just can't be closed. It could even end friendships and relationships, so it's best not to go there. When all children are excluded, you at least have the opportunity to say, "I wanted to have an afternoon to enjoy with just my friends so we can talk and have a good time." While some women may not be able to conceive of having a good time without their children, i would think many would welcome the opportunity.

EmJ&B

You cant just invite some kids unless it's your own little sibling . . . that's mean!

blush64

RoxyLynn:

Of course it's not "all or none" on kids.  It's not "all or none" on your HS friends, former co-workers, or anyone else.  Inviting two kids you're close to does not mean inviting 18 kids.

That said, I really don't know why babies or older children would be at a baby shower in the first place.  I would find it very odd to see anyone but an adult there.

I think when you are talking about kids of firends and relatives you should really keep it all or none. It's not the same as only inviting former co-workers you are close to. Inviting the children of one cousin but not the other is going to be seen as rude.

And for some of us it's odd not to have kids or babies at a baby shower. In my family it's always been a kids are very welcome kind of thing.

SusieBW

blush64:

RoxyLynn:

Of course it's not "all or none" on kids.  It's not "all or none" on your HS friends, former co-workers, or anyone else.  Inviting two kids you're close to does not mean inviting 18 kids.

That said, I really don't know why babies or older children would be at a baby shower in the first place.  I would find it very odd to see anyone but an adult there.

I think when you are talking about kids of firends and relatives you should really keep it all or none. It's not the same as only inviting former co-workers you are close to. Inviting the children of one cousin but not the other is going to be seen as rude.

And for some of us it's odd not to have kids or babies at a baby shower. In my family it's always been a kids are very welcome kind of thing.

I never post here, but I just went to a baby shower this weekend, so it's on my mind.  If you really don't want kids there, just say so up front.  And it should definitely be all or none.  In my family and groups of friends, it's kind of just understood that kids are generally not welcome at wedding showers, but are welcome at baby showers.  To me, it's weird to have a baby shower and not allow any kids there.  Even with that being the case, I would never dream of bringing my DD with me unless I had confirmed with the MTB or the hostess for the shower first.  This weekend, I texted my friend the MTB the day before and asked what the protocol for kids was - making it clear that either way was fine, I just wanted to check if others were bringing kids or not.  As expected, there were at least 5 little ones there.

One friend said that she didn't bring her son because he's a little boy, and showers are for girls, and to an extent, I think I agree with that, too.  So maybe I should say that all babies and little girls are welcome, unless it's a co-ed shower in the first place.

duffmaker

You are correct in saying all or none. That is exponentially rude to basically say "your kid can come because they're good but yours can't because they're bad".

Is it a co-ed shower? If it is then unfortunately I would say, you're obligated to invite the kids too... and all of them. If it isn't then just leave it as no kids. 

I had quite a few at my shower, it was a large family co-ed shower. All of the kids were very well behaved though although I had some help from the little kids with opening my gifts lol which was fine for the most part. 

RoxyLynn

clizh:

That is exponentially rude to basically say "your kid can come because they're good but yours can't because they're bad".

That would be incredibly rude; just like saying "you're not invited because you're really annoying" to an adult.  You just don't do it and really, it would be just as rude for someone to ask why their kids weren't invited.

kennazebrowsky

Either say yes kids can come or no kids. You should not pick and chose though- that is a little mean.