When this little one is born, my youngest will be 8 1/2... My mom wants to throw me a shower, and she's a southern lady where everything has to be a certain way. One of my best friends also wants to throw me a shower and she's very "eclectic" you might say. There is NO way they'll be able to host together but I think 2 showers is probably overkill. Should I just say no shower and move on? or should I let them each plan a shower ? or should I tell them to plan a single shower together and hope they can figure it out?
Re: 8 years since last baby. shower or no?
O14 January Signature Challenge: Snow Fails
I agree with this.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
If you have friends and family who want to celebrate you and your new baby, and you want to accept, go ahead! I think it sounds wonderful that they want to have showers for you. If you want 2, go for it. If you think that's too much, ask them to work together on 1.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having showers for second (or third,etc) children if someone else offers to throw it for you. If others don't agree or like the idea, they don't have to come.
A shower is to set a new mom up with what she needs to take care of her new family member. You are a mom already. The age gap between your children is really immaterial. Why is it the responsibility of your friends and family to re-buy you baby stuff simply because you waited 8 years between kids?
Sorry, there is pretty much no reason anyone can give me that justifies having showers after your first baby.
DD1 is 7 years older than DD2. I skipped a shower for DD2 (even though there was a big age gap, we were team green, we didn't have any baby stuff left, it was DH's first child-all the usual justifications) because I didn't feel comfortable asking for/expecting baby gifts again.
Our families and friends were wonderfully supportive and generous, even though we didn't have a formal shower. DD2 was certainly celebrated, even without the big gift-giving event. A MTB doesn't need a shower to feel supported, and a baby certainly doesn't need one.
OP, I *might* not side-eye one shower for your new LO (congrats, BTW!), especially if I wasn't invited to your shower 8 years ago, but I would certainly side-eye two showers.
Isn't that funny.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Per Emily Post it is OK to have a shower for the second pregnancy, just don't invite the same people that were invited to the first shower. In your situation I would say OK...to one shower (have them host together) and keep it fairly small (inviting new friends, etc. that weren't around when your first child was born). IMO it is OK to invite your mom and any sisters.
A friend and myself hosted a shower for one of our friends who had several miscarriages between #1 and #2 (there were 8 years between them). It was low key and maybe about 12 guests. She was new to our group so none of us went to her first shower. We invited her mom and 2 sisters.
It's pretty well held here that second showers are a no-no for any reason. LIke a PP has said, Emily Post gives the ok as long as it is small, there is no registry, and no one invited to any previous showers are invited to this one. I do not see the need for things due to a lack of baby objects as a reason (as some do), because it was your decision to have another child this late and to get rid of your previous baby items. Perhaps the only exception I personally would make would be if this is DH's first child, but again, that should be limited only to his family.
Of course, most etiquette rules are in place so as not to offend people with whom you hold close personal bonds. I am partially of the mind that it is most important to consider the opinions and feelings of the people who would be invited to this shower (though just because your family thinks something is okay does not generally make it "right). Still, I always elect to err on the side of caution and avoid anything that is generally considered a faux-pas just to make sure nobody is giving me the side eye.
Honestly there is not a baby shower police man running around saying you cannot have a shower if you have kids already...I do not care if they are 3 years apart or 8. I have never heard of any rule that you cannot have a shower if you already have kids.
If your family wants to throw you one then go for it. I have a huge family. Anytime anyone has a baby we have a shower- I have a cousin who has 5 kids- all of them had a shower.
We had a shower with our first, not our second because we did not live near by family. But now our 3rd is on the way and it has been 8 years for us as well. My family is throwing one for us. Nobody is complaining that we had a shower 12 years ago for our first kid. They are all happy to help.
Let them shower you however they want!
If you do accept, I would put your friend and mom in contact with each other and have them plan one small shower.
Wow I'm surprised how many of you would feel imposed upon by being invited to a shower. When your friends have second children, you don't get them so much as a gender-specific outfit? Do you feel the same way about second marriages - no registries allowed since they should already have plate ware & home furnishings from their first marriage?
As the actual pregnant woman, I wanted the shower to be a fun time to celebrate my pregnancy with friends. Gifts were secondary and I didn't get many - I got a lot more from my family when they came to visit and meet the baby. Second time around, if a friend offers to organize a party, I'd be thrilled and wouldn't really care what the party is called. Conversely, I really look forward to celebrating with my friend having her 2nd who doesn't have room for much stuff, but certainly needs a few basics to be replaced. I don't see what the big deal is.
OP - if you'd enjoy a party, go for it! Have them call it a "sprinkle" and make sure the invite focuses on fun games rather than presents if your friends are easily offended.
When family/close friends have a second child, yes I do get them an outfit or something. But, I don't need a shower to give them a gift. Also, no I don't think a second time bride should have a bridal shower, especially if she was married not that long ago.
It's TB Baby Shower board...this is the whole reason for the board. This is their "no unique spelling" or their "no drive-by BFP" like TTGP.
I will have 8 years between my two kiddos. Before becoming pregnant, I'd been invited to several showers for second time moms and didn't think it was a big deal at all. I think it is because they are my friends or family and I planned to purchase a gift for them whether they had a shower or not. If several people offer a shower, I think it is okay to accept. I think it is important be mindful of your circle of friends/family when deciding whether to accept and/or who you'll invite. Accepting a shower does not mean you feel people should buy for you. Accepting a shower means you are allowing people to celebrate you and the new baby. I have declined showers in the past because I didn't feel I knew a person well enough and didn't feel obligated at all to attend or purchase a gift. But that's just me......
If you can throw a birthday party every year for your kiddo, you should definitely be allowed to accept a shower. As with the birthday party, people have the option to accept or decline the invitation.
actually...
Of course it's not their responsibility to furnish everything for the mom, but the OP is not throwing her own shower, other people offered to throw her one, not out of obligation, but because they WANT to.
There is 8 years between my last and this LO, and yes, I am having a shower (two, actually, I am with a different man, and his mom wanted to throw us one, so our mothers are throwing a joint shower, AND I recently moved out-of-state and have a new job, so my work wants to throw me one). Did I expect it? No. Am I going to be grateful for whatever I get? Of course! Am I able to buy everything myself? YES, but that doesn't mean I should feel guilted into saying "No" to a shower if someone is excited and wants to throw me one.