Baby #2 timing

potbellypig

Background:

DD was born in January 2012. I didn't really enjoy pregnancy (I was super tired and sore) or the first 6 months of babydom, mostly because I didn't know what I was doing and found that very overwhelming. I'm thinking it'll be better the second time around because I'll be more confident with my choices and will be more relaxed about things. We plan on keeping DD in daycare 2-3 days a week. We want two kids. We are moving to a new house in June. Finances are not an issue.

I've heard the argument that it's nice to "get the baby stuff over with". I'm wondering if that's a good enough reason to get pregnant with #2 sooner rather than later. Would it really be easier to have them closer together? Or do you just end up with two kids at equality irritating stages at the same time (i.e. a tantruming toddler and a newborn) vs. a three year old and a newborn? Before I got pregnant with DD I figured I wanted two kids two years apart, and we are coming to the time when I would be coming off my pill to make it possible for the two-year mark to happen. I'm just not looking forward to doing it again, but I'm wondering if I should just bite the bullet and do it.

Thoughts?

RondackHiker

It's a really personal choice. We're TTC now. If we could have afforded it, we'd have had two under two.

If you can afford it, then write down pros and cons.

potbellypig

Scout2005:

I have 2u2. I would strongly recommend against it. There is zero that is easy about it.

Other people will feel differently. 

Wow, I don't think I've ever heard such an honest answer against! At what point do you think it would have been easier? Two-and-a-half + NB? Three? I can't see your ticker to see how old your first is...

MJHershey

We are due with #2 in late September. DS will turn 3 about 6 weeks after #2's EDD.

We wanted to wait simply to get to a point where DS could talk for the most part and play independently (supervised of course).  He will also hopefully be potty trained by the time Peanut shows up. But I did not want a lot of time to pass as my siblings were spaced out and it made it difficult at times.

 

tarebear9891

Mine were 19 months apart and honestly it has been rough. It wasn't so much the young toddler + newborn that was hard, although that wasn't easy. It was having two toddlers, one going through "terrible" twos and the other going through "F you" threes that was REALLY hard. With my oldest being 4 now, I think we are finally coming back from the dark side.

Ideally, closer to 2-3 years age difference would have been better. But we knew I would be going back to school and I didn't want a massive age gap between my two so that was what we did. Now I am hopeful that they will be best buds. Currently, they do not want to be away from each other but they also won't stop picking on one another.

Helenahhandbasket

Hi...I am actually in a similar situation.

My DD was also born in Jan 2012, and I am having my Mirena removed tomorrow.  I am figuring even if I get pregnant immediately and there are no issues, my LOs will be 23 months apart- so barely 2 U 2.

This is a little sooner than DH and I originally discussed, but he is 100% on board. 

I also hated being pregnant and did not enjoy the first 6 weeks of DD's life, but I had a rough delivery (vacuum assisted-OW) and I am hoping things go smoother next time.

Age is also a factor for me- I will be 33 next month- so I am not getting any younger. (you didn't say how old you were, so not sure if this would be part of your decision.)

When it comes down to it,  I really want to grow my family, and even though I know it will be tough for a little while, I like the idea of having kiddos closer together in age.

Only you and DH know what will be best for you--some will tell you they hated 2U2, others say it was the best thing they ever did.  I think it's one of those things that you won't know how you are going to react until you are there.

 

GL!

EMOmamma

Scout2005:

I have 2u2. I would strongly recommend against it. There is zero that is easy about it.

Other people will feel differently. 

2u2 is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Plus I realized I have been KU or BFing for 34 of the last 36 months.  My poor body wants a break.

I am enjoying things now but the first 6 months were unreal.  If I was a SAHM I would have lost my mind.  I wish we would have waited another year and had a difference of 2.5y, not 18m. 

LoveActually4

Scout2005:

I have 2u2. I would strongly recommend against it. There is zero that is easy about it. Other people will feel differently.nbsp;

Uh I hate to agree with this but I kinda do.

Mine are 23 months apart and it's hard. I never feel like anyone is getting the right amount of attention.

acesup

it's definitely a personal choice, but i feel it also depends on your first kid. My DD is 2 yrs 4 months and baby is coming in 2 weeks. DD is super independent and very much a "helper" and a "people pleaser". She is super easy going and generally very well behaved (don't get me wrong, she has her moments, but for the most part she listens). If she were different, say needy or difficult, i might not be as comfortable with these two being so close together. it really depends on a lot of factors. as for the pregnancy part of it, i didn't enjoy being pregnant with DD and kind of dreaded doing it again, and for me, this one was way worse. but you might have a totally different experience. for me, i wanted DD to have a sibling so i knew i'd have to go through it and suck it up at some point. 

PrincessFiona9

I wouldn't want a 3 year old and a newborn. I have limited patience, and my 3 year old is still a huge handful. I know my limits, mentally and financially, so we're doing 4-5 years between.

meaglamillion

Mine are 22 months apart. We have our good days and then we have our days that are filled with struggle. Those days are usually when DD is pushing limits and nap striking, and DS still wakes up every two to three hours most nights. So sleep deprivation with a cranky toddler, yeah. The good days can outweigh the particularly rough ones, because they are so sweet together. But, yeah those bad days...

michaels_girl

so far 4.5 years feels pretty dang perfect.  Kiddo got over the big portion of the jealousy (not that there won't always be some) quickly and is enamoured of her baby brother.  She helps and can keep herself entertained, and more importantly can better understand why mommy can't be with her right.this.second.   the playing together i'm sure will be an issue, but that's what friends are for. 

missmuffin87

Mine will be 2y9mos apart. I feel really optimistic about the timing. I like that DD is getting better at going up the stairs independently, so I won't have to carry her and a nb and all our stuff. I won't need a double stroller or 2 cribs, and hopefully we will be nighttime PTed or close to it by the time #2 arrives. But my kids will still be close enough in age to play together. 

Caligirl81

DS is also a January 2012 baby.  Hopefully we will start trying for our second in six months or so. I think the biggest issue for us right now is that we need more space before we can expand our family. We also both work full-time and I have a long commute. Because of MH's work schedule, I primarily do the daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, doctor appointments, etc.

MH works very long days (and usually works a few hours on Saturday) and I'm not sure how I would handle working and taking care of two young children so close in age.  

I would love to be pregnant with/trying for our second right now, but I think it would be less stressful and best for our family to wait until DS is older and more independent.   

lindsay.lou

I'm the weirdo that likes 2u2 and would do it again in a heartbeat.

That said, if you only plan on two kids, I wouldn't shoot for 2u2. Why rush to get the baby stuff over with? It's baby stuff. For all its challenges it's also precious time. So I say stretch it out. Savor it. Make it last. I do feel like I've missed out on some stuff being in survival mode with these two.

We hope to have two more kids in the future, but if two were all I was planning, I think 2 or 3 years would have been my age gap, so I could fully indulge in LO1's baby time and toddlerhood and then do the same for LO2 since LO1 would be a little more independent.

SmittyPants

Another January 2012 mom here. Can't really help you since I'm wondering the same thing. Crazy how it seems like a more monumental decision than the first one, right? 

potbellypig

SmittyPants:

Another January 2012 mom here. Can't really help you since I'm wondering the same thing. Crazy how it seems like a more monumental decision than the first one, right? 

I think it's worse because you actually know what you/your family will go through with the fatigue/morning sickness/night wakings/potential fussy baby. It's not all cute pink babies and cute maternity fashions the second time around!

Venus04d

Scout2005:

I have 2u2. I would strongly recommend against it. There is zero that is easy about it.

Other people will feel differently. 

I'm with Scout.

wino2006

I got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 just turned 3. The transition from 1 to 2 with that age gap was pretty seamless. It helped that DD1 was more independent-could dress herself, get herself a snack, fetch things for me, was potty trained and past the darting out into traffic phase. I think a 3-4 yr age gap is ideal IMO. Now the girls play great together. I can see benefits to having 2u2 though-you may be in heII for the first couple of years, but I imagine things get much easier as they get older.