lets talk holidays and gifts... (long)

bunch

Every year I have this issue and every year DH gets all weird and we don't resolve it.  So, I'm going to try and have some great suggestions before we get too into holiday stuff and resolve it early. 

 We celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas in our house (DH is Jewish, I am not).  Bean is being raised Jewish, so Christmas is purely secular for us (and its my mom's birthday, so a big family event for my side).  Also, DH's family is Russian, and does a big gift giving on New Years.

 That adds up to 8 gifts for Hanukkah, 2 for Christmas (one from us, one from Santa) and 1 for New Years.  Minimum.  Just for Bean.  Its ridiculous!  Not to mention each others' gifts and family, etc.  What can I propose?  Oh, and since neither family has the same predicament, they go overboard- so my nieces and nephews get a load of stuff from Santa, and Bean is sitting there Christmas morning with one thing.  Same with DH's family on New Years.

I said that we (DH and I) can just do one gift each for each other, but then- again, what do we open when- in front of which family?  Arrgghh.  Any other ideas?  I always end up doing something lame, like a pack of socks and giving DH one sock each day of Hanukkah, which makes him thing that I don't care about his holiday, but I get so frustrated with the overabundance of crap over a couple weeks each year.
 

2bearichards

Here was my situation: 

I was raised Jewish, but my Dad's side of the family is Catholic. 

My sister and I had a choice when we were kids, we could either get 8 gifts for Hanukkah and one for Christmas, or one for Hanukkah and the rest at Christmas.  We chose the latter. 

We still light the menorah each night, but we didn't do gifts along with it.

 

 

 

MrsJBL2005

That's a tough situation! ?I am probably the wrong person to respond to this because I haven't been big on the holiday/gift stuff in my adult years... if there's something that I want or need, I buy it... which means that when it comes time to receive gifts from people who feel that they must buy me something, it's typically just a useless token gift (wa$te for them and clutter for me). ?I even offended DH one year when I truly did not want the expensive photo printer that he bought for me and insisted he return it.

Being naive about most religions, I do not know the specifics of Hanukkah, but aren't those many gifts usually very small things? ?Check out the Dollar Stores for great board books, coloring books, small toys, etc (for Bean, of course). ?For your gifts to each other, you should open them privately and not worry about what your families think when you don't exchange gifts with DH in front of them.

KellyMarierockstarwife

MrsJBL2005:

For your gifts to each other, you should open them privately and not worry about what your families think when you don't exchange gifts with DH in front of them.

 

I agree. We have so many different family gatherings to go to, we just open gifts to each other at home. It isnt really anyone elses business what we get eachother. Often, we buy something together that we want for the house that we are both going  to enjoy.

 Getting small gifts for the Hanukkah days seems like a good plan as well.
 

tri_bride05

For Bean, I think small gifts for the 8 Hanukkah gifts, the gift from Santa, and the New Years' gift and one larger gift from you is a great idea. When she gets older she can choose one big gift vs. many small gifts. I would just exchange one gift with DH - the two of you can decide what date to exchange on and I'd do it at home, which is what DH & I always do.

tri_bride05

bunch:

Oh, and since neither family has the same predicament, they go overboard- so my nieces and nephews get a load of stuff from Santa, and Bean is sitting there Christmas morning with one thing.  Same with DH's family on New Years.

I missed this part. Can explain your situation and talk to your families about doing their main gift exchanges at home and just opening one or two gifts as a group? I never opened gifts with all my cousins, etc. we always did that at home just our immediate family then got together with the extended family.

LoLoPanda

Honestly, if Bean is getting 9 gifts total (Hannukah and Christmas combined), I think she's fine.

As for gifts between DH and you...DH and I have a spending limit for each other. The amount of gifts doesn't matter, but the budget does. So one of us might get a few nice things, one REALLY nice things, or a bunch of little things and the other might get the opposite/same.

Maybe do little gifts days 1-7 of Hannukah leading up to a really nice gift on the last day? Like the socks...one pair of socks for days 1-7, then a pair of new shoes or something he's been wanting as the last gift. That way you can put more thought into it from his perspective and it'll save you money on gifts.