S/O Leaving LO

LadyTyler

I'd been meaning to ask y'all for your advice on this for a bit and the UO reminded me. For those on mobile, Nate is 9 months.

Basically, Nate falls apart when I'm not around and I'm not sure what to do. He barely eats anything when my husband watches him and just refuses the bottle (and becomes hysterical if offered it) from my parents. He's only eating small amounts of solids still too, so they don't make a good substitute. My husband watches him without me at home at least 2 afternoons a week, puts him to bed every night, does errands with him, etc. My parents see him at least once a week for 4-5 hours.

Nate usually starts to cry about 20 minutes after I leave and basically doesn't stop unless you drive him around long enough he falls asleep, in which case he'll nap for 40 minutes and wake up even more distressed I'm not there. This has been going on for 6 months now. We keep trying and its honestly getting worse, not better. When I'm with him and other people, he's extremely clingy to the point that anyone else can only play with him for 5-10 minute spurts once in a while because Nate wants to be in my lap holding onto me. When we are at home alone, he plays by himself pretty well for his age.

The pediatrician says to just keep trying (which I plan on doing) but she doesn't have kids and so I thought you guys might have specific suggestions that may help make this easier on us. My parents think its because I SAH with him of course and have no advice (and are also getting weary of trying to watch a hysterical baby.)

joyfullyfound

hocus:

Separation anxiety is pretty bad and you're hitting one of the peaks (the other is typically around 18 months).

I agree with your doctor that the only thing you can do is ride it out. I would however suggest that you stay a formal good-bye routine and returning routine to help with the issue. If you're out and your son wants to generally sit on your lab then I'd go with that. I might also try to nurse just prior to leaving since some of the hysteria may be tied to hunger.

Overall it gets better. My second born is REALLY attached to me (and I work full time) but I can leave him with dad or my inlaws just fine. He cries for maybe 5 mins and then is just fine.

I totally, totally agree with this. I've heard that if someone holds the baby but faces him out, towards you, and then you play games with him, tickle his belly, etc, that's supposed to help with separation anxiety. I guess it helps them still feel safe in some else's arms? Other than that, I have no specific advice. Just hang in there and it really will get better! I think it was around 10 months that DD really started wanting to be held by people other than me. 

LadyTyler

joyfullyfound:

hocus:

Separation anxiety is pretty bad and you're hitting one of the peaks (the other is typically around 18 months).

I agree with your doctor that the only thing you can do is ride it out. I would however suggest that you stay a formal good-bye routine and returning routine to help with the issue. If you're out and your son wants to generally sit on your lab then I'd go with that. I might also try to nurse just prior to leaving since some of the hysteria may be tied to hunger.

Overall it gets better. My second born is REALLY attached to me (and I work full time) but I can leave him with dad or my inlaws just fine. He cries for maybe 5 mins and then is just fine.

I totally, totally agree with this. I've heard that if someone holds the baby but faces him out, towards you, and then you play games with him, tickle his belly, etc, that's supposed to help with separation anxiety. I guess it helps them still feel safe in some else's arms? Other than that, I have no specific advice. Just hang in there and it really will get better! I think it was around 10 months that DD really started wanting to be held by people other than me. 

Thanks! I'd forgotten about using a goodbye routine and will definitely try that. He's exclusively bottle fed and when I leave him he's full but he still takes a bottle every two hours during the day so I try not to be gone longer than that but oh my goodness, I'm ready for a day away. But last time I left for 5 hours he ate nothing at all and over ate when I came back and then threw it up...
We also try having others hold him facing me and it makes no difference to him. He does loooove playing with others from my lap though, so we just keep trying.
I am just struggling with really wanting a day of him playing at Grandma's where I'm not worried about how everything is going or having to be really careful about how long I'm gone.

littlemermaid

Just keep leaving him with your husband and the grandparents.  If he refuses the bottle they should just leave it be.   Sometimes babies eat out of habit not out of hunger.    So they are just escalating the situation by forcing the bottle on him.  Just because he takes a bottle from you every 2 hours doesn't mean he actually needs it every 2 hours from them. A baby will never starve itself.  If he was truely hungry, he wouldn't care who was holding the bottle.