The issues is with H's mom and sisters. They try to guilt H into everything and tried with me but failed miserably. They don't like me because I am not Catholic. They have always been passive aggressive to us both, but have overstepped many times and it has been an issue basically since we got engaged and they realized guilting me into a Catholic wedding was not going to happen. Before that they seriously loved me - they were great.
Basically they think I am the reason we aren't close to them, but that is not the case. I tried to explain to H that he needs to put his feelings and issues on the table so we can work through them with his family and fix this. I refuse to pretend at holidays everything is perfectly fine. H deserves better - he deserves a real family. He doesn't understand why I won't do the pretend thing anymore.
What is worse is his mom and sisters know there are issues but they don't want to deal with them.
Am I wrong to push him to fix this? Should I just go along on the holiday gatherings and pretend we are enjoying them? Why am I the bad guy for trying to make this a real family?
If this were my kids I would be sitting in their driveway waiting for them to come home and say okay, I'm not leaving until we fix this because this is killing my soul. But not his mom. And what is worse he says he hates her because she was a really really bad mom when he was growing up and he has a lot of issues with that and he won't go to a counselor because she took him to a bunch when he was a kid and she worked in the field and they told her what he said - so he has ZERO trust in them which I understand.
I think H could have a lot of great closure and get some peace if he did the same. He is scared to do it because he thinks they won't care and he is possibly correct. But I think it is worth trying. If they really want to be a family I think they should work on the issues and be real - not a hallmark holiday fake family. I would rather be with people we enjoy and who WANT to participate, not those we see out of obligation. Thoughts?