Ugh Birthdays — The Bump

Ugh Birthdays

H's family is obsessed with bdays like makes the biggest deal ever about them. After DS was born and I was still recovering- hardly able to move- we "missed" one of the nieces bdays and H's brother is still freakin mad about it.

Anyways is this normal? Am I un-normal that bdays are not that big of a deal? In my family we got you a card and may be went to dinner. In his family it's like a $50 minimum card + gift +party and cake and must be a phone call on the actual day.

Idk it just seems ridiculous to me. My aunts/uncles and extended family never exchanged cards or gifts. I don't think they didn't love me it just was always an immediate family thing. What does the board think? 

Re: Ugh Birthdays

  • That's intense. I thought my family was big into birthdays because we all go to dinner and have cake at my parents' house. My brothers and I don't exchange gifts-never have.
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  • I think a child's birthday should be a big deal, but not necessarily an adult's birthday.  That being said, I would never expect someone that just had a baby to show up for my kid's birthday party.
     Lilypie - (gu1R)
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  • That's a little too much in my opinion. We may go out to dinner for b-days, but that's it. We never exchange cards and gifts. You're lucky if I actually remember on the day and call you.

    ETA: That's what we do for adult b-days. For children's birthdays, we do go all out and celebrate, exchange gifts, etc.


  • Ok glad I'm not the weird one here. Yea my mother in law came over and brought nephew to drop off some baby clothes and I was "reminded" in not so nice a way that I better not forget niece's birthday is Monday. I mean yes they are kids and I know birthdays are a big deal to children but it just annoys me how intense they are about birthdays and holidays.

    edit: I would never and have never expected extended family to buy presents for me or my DS.  

  • We do a phone call, card, gift, party, dinner, and cake in my family, but we also have reasonable expectations. If someone can't make it, it's not a huge deal. And we only celebrate with grandparents and siblings.

    MIL makes a big deal out of her own birthday and gets really hurt if people don't fawn over her for a day, but no one else in his family really cares about their own or anyone elses' birthday.


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  • For kids' birthdays, we do a small family party and a sometimes a kids' party. It's not a big deal if someone can't make it.

    For the adults, we'll do a phone call and give them a gift when we see them. The only exception is my grandmother. Since she is the oldest member of the family, we get together for dinner. 
  • It depends on a few factors.

    My family (outside of immediate: parents, brother, grandmother) is over 2 hours drive away, with some being a 3 hour flight.  My side of the family typically is just dinner somewhere, a present maybe and a card.  I don't even get a call from my aunt and uncle in CA.  It is just how it has always been.  Even when my grandparents lived 2+ hours drive away, they often came down for it, but heyond that... no big deal.

    My wife's family, they have many more family members who live close by.  Within an hour drive (or less) she has her parents, brother, living grandparents, aunt, and 3 1st cousins.  For the kids, it is all out.  For major birthdays (my wife's 30th, her brother's 30th, etc) they go all out.  On a typical birthday, it is a series of cards, phone calls and gifts from immediate family only.  For our son's 1st and 2nd birthdays we had roughly 30 people in the house due to her family's size.

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