Should I or shouldn't I?

Samiantha101

My niece is turning 5 next month. For her birthday, I want to buy her dance lessons. She has shown great interest in dancing, and I know she would be all about it. Her parents cannot afford dance lessons.

Is this an appropriate gift? Her parents do not get along with each other. I am the only one in my family who gets along with my niece's father. He's let me see her when it's his week when I've come up to visit, and we really have no problems with each other. I dont know him very well though.

I really want this for my niece, but I do feel as though my sister probably wouldn't take much initiative to get her there on her weeks. I personally am not rich, and I would hate to see a couple hundred dollars of my family's money be wasted. I live 8 hours away, so obviously I cannot drive her there personally. I would definitely ask both parents before buying dance lessons for her to see if they're both on board. If one of them isn't, then it's not going to be worth it.

I post this here, because obviously my niece is from a blended family. I can't exactly ask anybody in my family if this is out of line, because they're so at war with her father, and there's no way I would get a relevant answer.

And how would I go about asking my sister if she would honestly take her to the lessons without offending her? I don't really care about her feelings, but I feel as though I have to tread lightly, otherwise my niece would be the one to get the short end of the stick.

Edit to add: They live in a small rural area. There's only one dance teacher. Her father lives maybe one mile from her, and my sister lives two miles from
her. My sister does not work, so obviously this wouldn't interfere with her work schedule. I don't know what his schedule is like for work. I have grandparents who would absolutely take her anytime, but again, I'm the only one who gets along with her dad.

SimpleJane

Just ask. "Hey, I was thinking about getting niece dance lessons for her birthday. I first want to make sure its okay with you and not conflicting with your schedule at all. I don't want to sign her up for something if it will be hard for you to get her there because of work or something." I'm not sure how anyone could be offended by that. Look into the schedule of the dance school and if there will be lessons during both parents time talk to both parents about it.

docco11

I did this for my niece earlier this year.  The only thing I caution is that dance is EXPENSIVE, lessons are the least expensive part.  There are shoes, practice outfits, performance outfits, etc.  My sister ended up pulling my niece out as well because my niece was "no longer enjoying it" aka, she missed so many classes because her parents wouldn't get her there and she fell behind.

I think it's wonderful that you are offering to do this!  Just make sure that you address the other expenses with your sister and her ex and who will be responsible for paying for them.

+just+j+

I wouldn't do it unless you could fully afford to support it continually and 100%. As the previous poster says, all the extra stuff would be a burden on the parents and more than likely they would not support it.

Samiantha101

I don't really care about the costs. It's actually really reasonable. But I'm more worried about her mom getting her to dance class. I can't exactly call and remind her every week. I guess I could, but I doubt I would get the truth or maybe just some poor excuse. She's never been accountable for anything. I could have my mom try and bring her on my sister's weeks, but they tend to fight a lot, and I don't think it's fair to my mom to make her responsible for this.

Littlejen22

Ask permission to whoever will have to drive her, it would be innapropriate to get her excited and have a parent refuse to bring her but awesome if they do.  But, how will this work if she wants to continue?  Will you pay for the entire year?  Would you do it for every year if she stays?  I do have a fear about starting something they cannot continue.

Samiantha101

Littlejen22:

Ask permission to whoever will have to drive her, it would be innapropriate to get her excited and have a parent refuse to bring her but awesome if they do.nbsp; But, how will this work if she wants to continue?nbsp; Will you pay for the entire year?nbsp; Would you do it for every year if she stays?nbsp; I do have a fear about starting something they cannot continue.

Yes, I would continue with it. I would be freaking ecstatic if she would want to do it for more than a year. However, nobody is really there to A. consistently bring her and B. drive her to keep with something.

Her older brother is constantly being put into activities and quits shortly thereafter without ever giving it a fair shake. Of course, it's not really fair to compare the two. She's younger, and hasn't had the opportunities he's had, as they have different fathers with different involvement/monetary means.

Sigir

If no one is going to consistently bring her there, the answer is pretty clear... It's not a good idea. The child will get excited and then disappointed. I def would not do it.

socloudy99

I love the idea of lessons as a gift!

It sounds like this will be really difficult to pull off and cause drama in the family. I don't know if it will be worth it.

Does the dance studio offer basic classes that don't lead to a recital but are just instrucitonal? If she missed on BMs time it wouldn't hold up the class or put her behind.

Lots of kids that like dance also like gymnastics. After paying for several gymnastics classes then BM forgetting to take the girls 3 weeks out of the 8 week (one day a week) class we change to private 1 hour lessons. It was 20.00 a lesson and you could only schedule them on BDs time for a couple months.

Agian I love the idea but it sounds like you need to get a little more creative about the classes you look for. GL!

Samiantha101

I'm very familiar with the dance teacher; She was my old dance teacher 20 odd years ago. The classes are once a week for four months. There's one recital. It's not competitive. The money is not the issue. I don't want to burden my mother to make sure she gets to the classes, but my mom may take it upon herself anyways. She's already my sister's children's psuedo mother. I'm going to ask the dad flat out if it's ok. I'm going to be more direct with my sister. I know my sister will be ok with me buying the lessons, and will say she take her, but my sister has a hard time getting to her own court appointed appointments. I guess all I can do is try.