Blended Families

I need some advice please

My friend, H, has a child with XGF.  He and BM split when DD was 3, she is going to be 10 this year.  They both lived in the same state until she was 7, when BM moved to another state.  He went up there to visit her a few weeks later and it was an alright visit.  When H got home, BM told him she didn't want him to call/text/try to visit any longer and has basically made it next to impossible for him to contact DD.

It has been 2 1/2 years since he has been able to talk to his daughter, let alone see her.  He has tried numerous times to contact BM but she keeps changing her number, blocking him on FB, etc. etc.  They do not have a CO and they were never married.  He does pay child support but that doesn't make a difference to BM.  She married a new guy and they started their own family.  She wants new guy to be DD's "father" instead of H.

My question to you guys is, what options does he have here? BM (when she does contact him) says she is going to take his rights away so new guy can adopt DD.  Doesn't she have to have some kind of proof or reason to do this?  He has made many many attempts to find DD to no avail and has kept up on his child support.  He does want to be in her life.

Re: I need some advice please

  • Definitely get a lawyer. H has the best shot of getting what if wants if he is the one to file. There are enough dead beat dads in the world that one that pursues his rights should have no problem getting them even if mothers are favored for overall custody arrangements. He should even be able to file for himself if he wants. I know in AZ all of the paperwork he needs is available through family courts. However I would never set foot in a court room for anything without a lawyer at your back. On the upside for H as someone who pursued terming DS BF's rights I can say that it's not an easy process even when you have a good case to term the rights.  
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  • Yep he needs to file for a formal custody and parenting plan ASAP! When BMs act like queen of the world and won't cooperate for the child the only way to handle things is thru the legal system. Just because the child lives with her doesn't give her the right to refuse his involvement in their child's life.
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  • imageMelRC117:
    He really should get a lawyer and go to court.  Not having a CO is not working out for him.  Also, BM just can't take his rights away, it doesn't work that way.  I'm not as familiar with this as others, though.

    This. Also, if he has any records of trying to contact the BM and her respinses that would greatly help. Any old FB messages, texts, voicemails, phone records to her number...anything.

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  • if he doesn't have a court order, why does he pay child support?  I normally wouldn't advocate this, but I say he stops paying and gives that money to an attorney
  • Your friend needs a swift kick in the ass. If he REALLY wanted to be involved in his daughter's life, he would have contacted a lawyer immediately.  One parent can not take away the other parent's rites.  But allowing it to go on this long, may affect the outcome in her favor if he can't prove that he tried to contact her and re-establish the relationship with his daughter.

    Tell your friend to get off his ass, quit whining about it, lawyer up, and fight for his kid.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
  • imagejustj:
    Your friend needs a swift kick in the ass. If he REALLY wanted to be involved in his daughter's life, he would have contacted a lawyer immediately.nbsp; One parent can not take away the other parent's rites.nbsp; But allowing it to go on this long, may affect the outcome in her favor if he can't prove that he tried to contact her and reestablish the relationship with his daughter.Tell your friend to get off his ass, quit whining about it, lawyer up, and fight for his kid.


    This. Why is he just now deciding to fight to see the daughter? There are free legal aid places in every state, or he could have just gone to the clerk's office to file for visitation himself. It's not difficult and would have at least gotten him a court date. He should have done so the first time BM blocked visitation.
  • First of all if he is paying her support, he knows where she is, yes? If so then he needs to file for custody and serve her papers. He should never have let it get to this. He needs to take responsibility for his part in all this. My DH would never let BM take SD without a fight.
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  • image+just+j+:

    Your friend needs a swift kick in the ass. If he REALLY wanted to be involved in his daughter's life, he would have contacted a lawyer immediately.  One parent can not take away the other parent's rites.  But allowing it to go on this long, may affect the outcome in her favor if he can't prove that he tried to contact her and re-establish the relationship with his daughter.

    Tell your friend to get off his ass, quit whining about it, lawyer up, and fight for his kid.

    All of this.

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