Friend is hosting the baby shower, does this mean she is paying too?

everchangingcycles

I have a couple of girlfriends (we're all in the same circle pretty much) who've offered to throw a "bomb-ass" baby shower. Well, I was there when the leader of the pack made a call to reserve a room at a local restaurant/pub for the shower. When asked who's going to be the person to bill, she kind of stuttered, so I spoke up and said "Oh I can get it." Well...since, we did some more research on the place, and decided to cancel there. So in the meantime it doesn't really matter. 

Anyway, was it wrong/bad/whatever for me to say I'd pay? I mean, is she supposed to pay for all expenses? When am I allowed to step in?

Also, just any general advice or rules I might not know. I try to lurk as much as I can, and some things you ladies say make sense, while others, not as much (I never knew how involved, or uninvolved, baby showers can be). So I need as much help as possible!

By the way, I'm already aware of most "tacky" things often mentioned. Definitely not requesting books instead of cards! haha

Thanks ladies! 

sugar212

If a friend is throwing you a shower, that is a gift from her so she should pay. 

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MzCurnett8886

When someone offers to throw a shower they also assume the financial aspect. The shower is a gift to you, therefore you do not foot any part of the bill. A host can ask your INPUT however unless she does you don't give it.

If your friend can afford to pay for a shower than she can either have it in the afternoon, or have some friends cohost.

rhubarb123

Your hostesses pay for all aspects of the shower.  I have hosted many showers and have always paid for everything.  However, I do not give out favors so if the MTB wants her guests to be given favors then the MTB supplies them.

It is much less costly to host a shower in someone's home, church, etc. then to host at a restaurant.  At a restaurant they are required to pay for EVERYONE'S meal...not just the MTB's.  Please make them aware of this.  It sounds like they are a bit clueless in that they would have allowed the restaurant bill to be placed in your lap which is not right.  It would be like you paying for your own gift but they are getting the credit.

everchangingcycles

I'm just confused as to how involved I should be, and if I should pay anything at all. I mean, she calls me, and messages me every few days to say "let's plan the shower some more," and "I'll send you the list of different places," etc...

I've tried giving her the reigns more, she wrote down a lists of things I like, want, or don't want, nothing specific or demanding. It's almost like I'm a partner in planning, but I'm trying to not be involved. I told her she can run off with the planning and take total charge. So, I'm trying to follow all TB etiquettes of baby showers, but it seems like she wants some of my involvement. 

EastCoastBride

I think you need to clarify things w her and make it clear that actually, you can't afford to pay. She may think you are. Suggest it's held at someone's house because holding it at a restaurant will really make it SO much more expensive. 

FemShep

EastCoastBride:

I think you need to clarify things w her and make it clear that actually, you can't afford to pay. She may think you are. Suggest it's held at someone's house because holding it at a restaurant will really make it SO much more expensive. 

Yes, this.  She may be expecting you to pay because of your earlier offer to pay for the restaurant.  

 That conversation may not be an easy one, so you might want to stress that you would be happy with any shower that she throws, what's most important to you is her support, and if throwing a shower isn't in her budget or schedule right now, that's fine too. 

You can have a great shower on a budget, but it generally involves a lot more work.  Sounds like your friend, who had lovely intentions, may be in a bit over her head? 

526SadieSadie

You shouldn't be paying for anything.  A shower is a gift to you from your hostess(es). 

1026pumpkin

MzCurnett8886:

When someone offers to throw a shower they also assume the financial aspect. The shower is a gift to you, therefore you do not foot any part of the bill. A host can ask your INPUT however unless she does you don't give it.

If your friend can afford to pay for a shower than she can either have it in the afternoon, or have some friends cohost.

This.  I agree with ECB that you should clarify this with her.  It wouldn't be inappropriate to offer your own home as the location, as long as she is the hostess.  I would emphasize wanting to keep it simple and inexpensive for her. 

PrimRoseMama

sugar212:

If a friend is throwing you a shower, that is a gift from her so she should pay. 

Yes, this absolutely. The honoree (MTB) should do nothing but enjoy the party.  

[Deleted User]

The host should be the person footing the bill for the shower. They offered to host a shower, they should be prepared to pay for it.

tilsonc

Just to add to what everyone else is saying...I would try to stear them clear of any restaurant. Have them check around and see if someone has a big enough house to have it at their house. You might have someone in your family that would be willing to let you have it at their house. I have to entertain a lot for work and bills for events like this can get very expensive...esp if open bar is included. They could stick you will the bill last min (like they did in your post). Depending on the # of people, how nice the place is, and if booze are included it could end up running about $100 a person.

angelbaby11160

My best friend is throwing me a baby shower, but a few weeks ago she was laid off of work and she is struggling. She doesnt want to cancel the shower but i feel bad that she cant afford to pay for too much, so i offered to buy some of the food and drinks. I like being involved any way i can be. I know its her responsibility to pay for it all, but it was out of her control when she lost her job and she has a kid to take care of too.

jennme

Hi,

 I am ftm who is involved in throwing my baby shower..so I was wondering why it is "tacky" to ask for books instead of cards?I was going to do that lol..hadn't heard that before..

Thanks, Jenn