Sad over pics (ticker warning) Rainbow mentioned also

Heatherhah

This may seem weird but I have a hard time now at 17 months later looking at pictures of my Sydney. It is just to painful sometimes to see her sweet face and know that she didn't make it and my other kids did.  

I also wonder if it has a lot to do with having my rainbow I noticed before I was pregnant I could sit and stare at her pics all day long then the closer my rainbow due date came I couldn't look at Sydney's pictures with out being so sad. I think it has a ton to do with guilt , feeling guilty for moving forward with a new baby and feeling like my Sydney is looking down on me sad that I have a new baby. I know it sounds crazy but I just think that. There truly are a ton of mixed feelings I am having about everything that has happened int he 17 months since losing her. Our lives are so different I am so different.

There really isn't a real reason I posted just thinking as I sit here.

Heather

 

jess123456

Hugs to you Heather.

Noethola

(Hugs) to you. Thank you for posting. For those of us wishing for our rainbows, it is helpful to hear about some things we may have to experience ourselves. I am sure Syndey is looking down on her little sibling with a lot of love, thankful that her mommy has a baby to kiss on. 

Praying for peace for you. 

HullGut

Hugs to you. I can't imagine all the emotions your feeling, it must be very hard at times. I think what your feeling is completely normal. I am sure Sydney is so happy you have another baby. She is probably happy that you have that joy. I am my Mom's rainbow baby. She lost my sister in 1980 at 38 weeks. I always feel like my sister Jessica is watching over me. I'm sure the emotions your feeling right now will always be with you. I read somewhere that when you have your rainbow baby you still notice the silence from the child who is not there. Hang in there. 

karebear57

((Hugs)) I'm sorry your feeling like this. I bet Sydney is very happy to have a baby sister she could play with when ger sister dreams I, too, have been in a rough patch thinking how old Bri would be and the things she'd be doing and how much more playful she'd be with her brothers. I've got 1 picture of her up but haven't looked at much and I haven't touched her memory book in a long time. I know I'll probably be having these same feelings you're having when I finally get my rainbow. ((Hugs))

Carolee

(((Hugs))) I haven't looked at Eliott's pics in a year and a half. It still hurts so much. I am feeling a lot of those same feelings now that Lucy is here. Feel free to message me here or on fb if you want to chat about it.

Williamandshawnna

Heather,

I am so sorry you are hurting. HUGS

-Shawnna

Bayberry12

Heather, I am sure you are going through so many emotions since having your rainbow.  I can understand how it hurts to look at her pictures, I know you miss her soooo much.  

There is a lot of guilt that comes with moving forward, even though its part of the natural process, it doesn't feel natural.  If almost feels strange to be happy without the one you lost.  Everything is so different now, and you are right, you are different.  Lots of hugs to you.