Blended Families

Thoughts on this?

So a little bit of background.  My SO has 50/50 custody.  At pick up Wednesday he gave BM a letter that had the vaca week he picked for this year and that he had not picked a second week yet but he would give 30 days notice when he had(the CO states that this year he chooses his 2 weeks first, by feb 28th, and then BM can and if they do not by feb 28th they must give 30 days notice).  He also gave BM a second copy of the letter and asked her to please sign it and give it back to him and he said he would do the same for her.(so that there was no confusion etc later on in the year about whose time it is and all that and so there is written proof)  She refuses to email and deleted her email address so this seemed like the best way. 

So at this pick up she told SO(for the second time) that he is not "allowed" to trim LO's nails and that he needed to remove the nail polish on her fingers and only she is allowed to paint her nails.  Well she is only 2 and her nails were to long and she ended up scratching herself which has happened a few times lately and she kept saying her fingers were "sharp" so he trimmed them and he did not end up removing the nail polish since she loves having her nails painted and it was pink sparkles that had mostly chipped off anyways.  So when he dropped of LO today BM looked at her fingers and said she would not be signing the paper about vaca because he didn't "listen to her and do what she said" and that until he started doing what she said she would not be listening to him anymore.

So since the CO states  the vacation days need to be submitted by writing and it needs to be by Feb 28th SO was thinking of sending a certified letter so he would have proof that she was informed of that dates, does this sound like a good idea or no?  He just wants to make sure he is covered, especially since one vaca week is in November, since she is very likely to say that his vaca was actually earlier and he just didn't take it and he can't take LO now etc.  Thanks everyone.

Re: Thoughts on this?

  • I would do that so you have proof.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • Definitely send a certfied letter. Gives you proof.
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  • Definitely send it certified.
  • I agree with the PPs.
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  • DO you still have your lawyer? 

    If so, in addition to the certified letter,  scan the letter and send it too BM via email.  CC your lawyer and her lawyer. 

    And in the email, I would address her comment about not her not listening to him if he did not follow her directions.  I would say something along the lines of "just as I cannot dictate what happens during your parenting time, you cannot dictate what happens on my parenting time. And while I am more than happy to work with you in in coming to joint decisions on the major issues, I will not fail at providing my child the proper emotional, health and financial needs when they occur on my time."

    I am a firm believer in cutting down the crap as soon as it happens.  Its that "give an inch and they take a mile" tact.  If you do NOT address it now (even by ignoring it and going on your merry way) they (and by they I mean anyone who tries to bully) feel that they have won.

    By putting this in an email that is sent to both lawyers, you are putting your SPINE out there for all to see.  AND creating a paper trail.

    Can you imagine her trying to explain to the judge that she kept DD from BF on his court ordered visitation because BF cut her sharp nails?  Well, now you have proof, all those months later, why she did what she did.

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  • We always send certified with a return receipt. Then file it away when we get the signed portion back.
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  • imageAmanda88:
    We always send certified with a return receipt. Then file it away when we get the signed portion back.

    This exactly. Make sure you are documenting all of BM's BS. 

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  • imageIlumine:

    DO you still have your lawyer? 

    If so, in addition to the certified letter,  scan the letter and send it too BM via email.  CC your lawyer and her lawyer

    And in the email, I would address her comment about not her not listening to him if he did not follow her directions.  I would say something along the lines of "just as I cannot dictate what happens during your parenting time, you cannot dictate what happens on my parenting time. And while I am more than happy to work with you in in coming to joint decisions on the major issues, I will not fail at providing my child the proper emotional, health and financial needs when they occur on my time."

    I am a firm believer in cutting down the crap as soon as it happens.  Its that "give an inch and they take a mile" tact.  If you do NOT address it now (even by ignoring it and going on your merry way) they (and by they I mean anyone who tries to bully) feel that they have won.

    By putting this in an email that is sent to both lawyers, you are putting your SPINE out there for all to see.  AND creating a paper trail.

    Can you imagine her trying to explain to the judge that she kept DD from BF on his court ordered visitation because BF cut her sharp nails?  Well, now you have proof, all those months later, why she did what she did.

    I think all of this is great advice.  Deal with her BS now.  If she deleted her e-mail address then send the certified letter also.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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