Not doing well

eastsidekitty

Even though I was pretty sure I am not pg - lots of negative hpts and we went ahead and took the IVF class and set up a protocol this week - the phone call that my blood test came back negative was just crushing all over again. As my period didn't show up I had let myself start to hope. After I got the call- I went to the bathroom and threw up. I don't know how to get control.

As each month has passed without a pregnancy I have become more anxious and depressed and its reached an all time high now - I can't sleep at night - I fixate on how far apart our kids will be if we have another, how this is all my fault for waiting too long and getting too "old" - i basically beat myself up for hours every night. My dh just does not seem to get how hard this is for me. All he ever says is "it will all be fine, it will all work out". I can't think about anything else and I feel a pit in my stomach.  

If you have been in this place, how did you deal? therapy?  

74dragonfly

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I'd find a therapist. I had anxiety issues in the past and what you are describing sounds like anxiety.

gmc222

I completely understand. The things you mentioned - fixating on how far about LO's will be, getting too old, etc - are exactly what I find myself obsessed with. My DH will be 40 next year and we're both hoping to have another LO before then. Also, DH says the same things your DH says, which can be frustrating.

I don't have many words of advice, but I wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone! Hang in there.

hopingforbaby2

I can totally relate! It absolutely sucks! I also obsess over the age difference if I ever have another baby. I think about it day and night. I also hate everybody that's gets pregnant so easy then I feel bad for feeling that way!. I hate that I have this struggle! every month I get a BFN I become depressed. It's so hard and when I was on clomid It was 10x worse. The only way I can pull myself out of a funk is starting a new cycle and feeling hopeful that this could be it. Also putting things in perspective helps. I have my DS and he is perfect and I know I am lucky to have him especially when I know there are people out there that may never have children.

Kaselleck

I'm so sorry. I did go to a therapist that works with my clinic, and I've only gone once so far, but I do think it helped me gain some perspective and coping skills to help me obsess...less. I definitely think it's worth a try. Hang in there.

DahliaFlower

I am so sorry for the pain you are having.   

I did quite a bit of therapy after losing our daughter then facing 2IF.  It made a big difference for me.  

If you are becoming anxious and depressed, not sleeping, etc. it sounds like you should give therapy a try.  If necessary, your counselor may suggest medications to help your mood.  

You might also like to try acupuncture, it's very calming and relaxing.   

suzie711

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have battled depression off and on throughout the IF process also.  I would definitely try counseling and see if that helps.  I have been seeing one since Aug when we decided to start working with the RE again because I knew my depression would get worse once I was in the midst of fertility treatments. 

Hugs!

Spookster

eastsidekitty:

Even though I was pretty sure I am not pg - lots of negative hpts and we went ahead and took the IVF class and set up a protocol this week - the phone call that my blood test came back negative was just crushing all over again. As my period didn't show up I had let myself start to hope. After I got the call- I went to the bathroom and threw up. I don't know how to get control.

As each month has passed without a pregnancy I have become more anxious and depressed and its reached an all time high now - I can't sleep at night - I fixate on how far apart our kids will be if we have another, how this is all my fault for waiting too long and getting too "old" - i basically beat myself up for hours every night. My dh just does not seem to get how hard this is for me. All he ever says is "it will all be fine, it will all work out". I can't think about anything else and I feel a pit in my stomach.  

If you have been in this place, how did you deal? therapy?  

Yes, I started therapy because I felt some of the thigs you are describing. I found that it really heleped to unload all my burdens on someone who didn't know me or my situation. half of my stress has been feeling like I am driving my friends/family and basically everyone , nuts with all my worries and anxiety as well as them having to hear me complain and be upset. It has helped tremendously! I also just try to keep my mind and hands busy with crafting and different things to do or read, and journal, journal, journal.