Women who are dealing with MFI

chikidee

My DH and I have been TTC for quite a while now, with no luck.  I know it can take up to a year, so generally I wouldnt be concerned.  Within the last 4 or 5 months he has been having performance issues.  It is difficult for him to get an erection, and once he does it is not always fully hard.  He has always had a very low sex drive and I have always wondered if he had low T.  Let me add that we have never had this problem in the past.  We didnt have a lot of sex, but when we did have sex it was great.  He is going to the doctors next week to talk about this and get checked out because we both know this just isnt normal anymore. 

Anyhow, my question is for the ladies dealing with MFI or Low T, does your husband have a hard time getting a full erection, maintaining it, or having sex?  Part of me thinks this problem has nothing to do with Low T or MFI but another part of me wonders.  I have done alot of research on google and webmd but I really havent found any answers.  Anything you guys can contribute would be great. Thanks!

katib77

We deal with MFI, not low T so I'm sorry I can't answer your question based on experience.  I will say MFI without low T does not have the problems you described.  And from what I've heard, low T does decrease the sex drive but I'm not sure if it has anything to do with maintaining an erection.  I know we have had a few women here with husbands with performance anxiety or inability to ejaculate inside so there are others that may be able to speak to your issues better.  

You say you've been TTC for "quite a while" but that this issue has only been in the last 4-5 months...how long have you actually been TTC?  I think if he's having trouble maintaining an erection it is something to def. get checked out.  I would just make sure when he's seeing the MFI that he brings up TTC so they can plan correctly because there are some meds for Low T that increases sex drive but actually lowers sperm so obviously you want to steer clear of those drugs.

jfb29

PP gave some good advice in that he should get to a doc, specifically a uro who specializes in MFI.  My DH has no problem getting an erection, but can't ejaculate.  He went through a full work up and nothing physical was wrong, so we are now dealing on the psychological side of things.  If I were you I'd definitely have him checked out to ensure nothing physical is going on.  Is he on any meds bc they can affect sex drive and ability to hold an erection?  Did something change 4-5 months ago when this started?

chikidee

Thank you both for your responses.  I really appreciate it.  He is not on any medications, so I know that cant be it.  The only thing I can think of was we had a talk about why we were not getting pregnant (and this was 4 or 5 months ago when his problems started).  He said he was worried it could be him and ever since he has been having problems holding a hard erection.  He is able to ejaculate, after some "work", but sometimes it just isnt firm.  It really worries me.  Part of me thinks it might be psychological but part of me wonders if it is something is physically wrong.  I am trying to be understanding and not get worked up if sex doesnt happen when we try, but sometimes it is very difficult.

I guess I just wondered if MFI or Low T could cause this.  It doesnt sound like MFI could, but I wonder if his testosterone is really low if that could.  I hope we get some answers at the doctors

jfb29

No problem.  I know first hand how hard it can be when there is a performance issue - there have been many tears over what we are dealing with.  I really hope you find some easy answers to help you both.  Feel free to shoot me a private message if you want to talk more about this....

Kathy4678

I'm really sorry you're having that problem. My husband has low T, but has never had the sexual side effects of it, so I'm not totally familiar. 

My best advice is to find a really good urologist that specializes in MFI. Good Luck to you! 

jjdale288

My DH has low T. He has a low libido and his erection likes to disappear during sex. The best answer is to see a Dr. He also could be getting stressed from ttc?

LuClo

Yeah...if the problem started at the exact same time you guise started talking about having difficulty, that seems like a pretty big coincidence.  It doesn't hurt to talk to his doc, but maybe time would be better spent with a therapist addressing anxiety?

Like pp asked, how long have you been ttc for?

Does this problem always happen, or only during your fertile week when there's more pressure to perform? 

chikidee

jjdale288:

My DH has low T. He has a low libido and his erection likes to disappear during sex. The best answer is to see a Dr. He also could be getting stressed from ttc?

 We have that same problem sometimes.  Sometimes he gets an erection but then it disappears.  Sometimes he has a hard time getting an erection.  And sometimes he has an erection and ejaculates, but the erection doesnt seem as "hard" as it is at other times.  Is there anything the Dr recommends for that problem?  Has your husband seem a urologist or anything?  My DH is going next week to his GP to start off with, but I wondered if you could share some insight.

chikidee

jfb29:

No problem.  I know first hand how hard it can be when there is a performance issue - there have been many tears over what we are dealing with.  I really hope you find some easy answers to help you both.  Feel free to shoot me a private message if you want to talk more about this....

 PM sent

chikidee

LuClo:

Yeah...if the problem started at the exact same time you guise started talking about having difficulty, that seems like a pretty big coincidence.  It doesn't hurt to talk to his doc, but maybe time would be better spent with a therapist addressing anxiety?

Like pp asked, how long have you been ttc for?

Does this problem always happen, or only during your fertile week when there's more pressure to perform? 

We have been TTC for about 8 months... and generally I know it can take a year but I feel like we have a known issue that needs to be addressed before that year mark.  :-/  I would think it would be difficult to get pregant with soft erections... but who knows, maybe not.  I guess I just feel kinda alone in this situation. Obviously I cant really talk to anybody in real life about it for Dh's sake.

He wants a baby just as much as I do, and gets so upset with himself when this happens.  There are times thoughout the month that sex is ok, and semi-normal but more times than not we have performance issues.  And the amount of time he can keep the erection is much shorter than a few months ago.  It is a strong coincidence that this all started when we started talking about possibly having difficulties.  I think he just assumes its him and put all that pressure on himself.  I dont know how to "undo" that conversation.  I reassure him frequently but he still gets so anxious.  It has been 4 or 5 months of this same issue... so I am wondering if it is now more than nerves.

AnnaLynn83

My husband has low T and was treated with T replacement which is what we initially thought was causing MFI. When our RE had him stop the T replacement cold turkey to check his baseline hormone levels T, FSH and LH, his T levels and sex drive dropped to an all time low. Literally, it was about 3weeks until he initiated anything. He has never had trouble getting/maintaining an erection though. This aspect of it sounds physiological to me and most likely is from the stress of TTC. All of us here understand how stressful and heartbreaking it is to keep trying month after month and always just seeing one line show up on a HPT... Eventually, it breaks you down. In our case, our RE started my DH on clomid which helped to increase his T levels back to normal and has atleast started some sperm production highest count of 2.1mil. Good luck to you and feel free to message me if you have any questions.

LuClo

chikidee:

LuClo:

Yeah...if the problem started at the exact same time you guise started talking about having difficulty, that seems like a pretty big coincidence.  It doesn't hurt to talk to his doc, but maybe time would be better spent with a therapist addressing anxiety?

Like pp asked, how long have you been ttc for?

Does this problem always happen, or only during your fertile week when there's more pressure to perform? 

We have been TTC for about 8 months... and generally I know it can take a year but I feel like we have a known issue that needs to be addressed before that year mark.  :-/  I would think it would be difficult to get pregant with soft erections... but who knows, maybe not.  I guess I just feel kinda alone in this situation. Obviously I cant really talk to anybody in real life about it for Dh's sake.

He wants a baby just as much as I do, and gets so upset with himself when this happens.  There are times thoughout the month that sex is ok, and semi-normal but more times than not we have performance issues.  And the amount of time he can keep the erection is much shorter than a few months ago.  It is a strong coincidence that this all started when we started talking about possibly having difficulties.  I think he just assumes its him and put all that pressure on himself.  I dont know how to "undo" that conversation.  I reassure him frequently but he still gets so anxious.  It has been 4 or 5 months of this same issue... so I am wondering if it is now more than nerves.

I agree, if there's a clear problem it doesn't make sense to wait a year to check in with your doctor.  From the stress side, maybe it would make sense to take a few cycles off ttc?  No charting, temping, baby related talk.  Maybe even use some form of protection.  Have sex for the sake of having sex again, because its fun & you guys enjoy each other.  It might help DH regain some normalcy and confidence?