Blended Families

UPDATE:just a vent and a wish...

She showed! Hooray! The kids were so excited and I'm one relieved stepmama.


So after 8 weeks of being MIA bm
wants to take ss and sd to dinner for valentines day. The kids were so excited and I am happy for them. Well sd wanted to get a special box of candy for bm. Great...so we go to the store and I let her pick one out. I go in her room and she has the box set out with a card she made and one of her stuffed animals to give bm. It was so sweet...then the horrible fear or thought dawns on me. What if she bails or doesn't show up? I know it will crush her. I also know there's nothing I can do about it. I pray with all my heart that she will show. I never knew as a stepmom how much their pain and disappointment would sting me too. Ive been in their shoes as a kid and it sucks. Any good vibes sent for a positive outcome are appreciated. I really want them to have a positive relationship with bm....its so hard when you have no control of the other person yanno?
BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: UPDATE:just a vent and a wish...

  • How sweet and thoughtful of you to care so much for her.  I am saddened when my boys father lets them down. 

  • DS'd dad is the same way. (Fortunately, he's been MIA for years!) Back when he was occasionally interested in DS, I learned not to tell DS of any upcoming meets. I didn't like my ex coming to my house, so we'd meet at a park or McDonald's. It definitely saved DS's feelings.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • Trust me...I normally wouldn't tell them til she shows but she called and told them herself. Fingers crossed it all works out.
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • It sucks. 

    If the worst happens, be prepared.  Tell her "I'm so sorry you're disappointed."  Don't tell her "I'm sure something just came up."  It's our instinct to make excuses to try and soften the blow.  But you will just be setting her up to get hurt again.  Also, have a back up plan.  (Home made pizzas and mani/pedi/facials anyone?)

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • I really hope for your SKs sake that she pulls through with this promise. DH and I are in the same boat. BM hasn't talked to SKs in almost 7 weeks. We are supposed to drop SKs off with BM this weekend for them to spend their week-long February break with her but DH hasn't been able to get in touch with her after several attempts so we have yet to confirm this visit. SKs are aware of the visit but also know that it may not happen (because originally they were supposed to see her last weekend as is laid out in a parenting agreement between DH and BM...arrangements were changed this month so that BM could have a longer visit with SKs). DH has been communicating with BM via BM's sister (through FB) over the last few days. This is an all-time low when it comes to communication between DH and BM. It's never been this bad. Anyways, BM is supposed to call to talk to SKs tonight. We'll see if it happens. I have a feeling that she is going to cancel this visit due to having no money to meet us (we live 10 hours apart and we're supposed to meet almost midway...6 hours for us...4 hours for her). I really won't know what to say to the kids if she bails but we don't sugarcoat anything either. We'll just have to be supportive and do some things to keep their minds off of the cancellation if it happens.

    Fingers crossed that your BM actually lives up to her word. Good for you for helping to support your SKs relationship with them by picking up a present for her etc. You sound like an awesome SM! :)

    Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

    BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
    BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

    SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
  • imageFutureMrsWittig:

    It sucks. 

    If the worst happens, be prepared.  Tell her "I'm so sorry you're disappointed."  Don't tell her "I'm sure something just came up."  It's our instinct to make excuses to try and soften the blow.  But you will just be setting her up to get hurt again.  Also, have a back up plan.  (Home made pizzas and mani/pedi/facials anyone?)

    I think having a backup plan just in case is a great idea.
    BabyFetus Ticker


    image
  • Its almost 5... sd is waiting with her present. We will definitely have a back up plan. I just know that pain of rejection and abandonment so well..I just hope its not coming. I'm going to have dh call at 5:30 if she hasn't shown.
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Im so glad she showed, for everyones sake! You are one great stepmom for being so caring and supportive!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • So glad that she showed! Perhaps she'll be more involved in the future?!

    I'm happy to say that BM called our house tonight, talked to the kids, and is still going to meet with us on Saturday so that SKs can spend their week-long vacation with her. *phew*

    Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

    BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
    BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

    SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
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