Blended Families

Just when I think it's getting better....

Our CO specifies BD gets one extra overnight EOW starting next month. He generally refuses to communicate with me so it has been a difficult path. I thought we were doing good trying to figure out the change to the schedule! I was so happy that things were getting sorted... but it never lasts. Now we are back to him threatening me to try to get me to do exactly what he wants. I just wish he would think about DS first for once. Want to know the horrible thing I did to lead him to threatening me about custody? I asked to change the exchange by 30 minutes so it wouldn't interfere with DS nap. I just needed to vent before responding with a nicely worded calm e-mail.

Re: Just when I think it's getting better....

  • While BM is crazy I am so lucky that my exh is lackadaisical.  Deep breaths, this is not about you at all - it's about him and his control issues.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Playing devil's advocate here - can you change DS's nap time by half an hour? If the CO specifies a time, you are kind of stuck. A way I could see not wanting to change DS's nap time and BD being reasonable about it is if DS is in a preschool or daycare where the nap time is always the same and changing his nap time will mess up his schedule for daycare/preschool days.
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  • The problem is the CO really doesn't say ANYTHING about the new schedule. Just that it will change to add another overnight for him every other week. DS does to preschool one day a week and they nap at the time he naps at home. That's part of why I don't want to move it. The other reason is it's virtually impossible to get him to nap if he's late. I have no idea why. If it is at the same time every day he's fine but if he's half an hour late he won't nap at all. The same thing is true at preschool.

    I sent off a very nice e-mail and asked him why it didn't work with several options for alternative schedules. He (of course) rejected all of my offers but he made one recommendation and it works fine for me. The reason I hadn't offered what we finally agreed on is because he told me it wouldn't work for his schedule ::shrug::  At least we figured out something!

  • I understand what you mean about naps. My son also does not nap at all unless it isnexactly on time. He is 3a now, though, so he can make it on weekends without a nap if need be. I tbink I created tue nap issue, though. I was super scheduleby oriented when he was old enough to follow one and it stuck.
  • Hopefully this is just him being over-zealous and thinking you are going to give him problems because you don't want him to have more time.  Maybe once he sees that you are going to be reasonable he will chill out.

    Don't let him walk on you.  Just calmly say "I'm not trying to cheat you out of time, I'm not going to try to cheat you out of your time.  Don't threaten me, it's really unnecessary."  Be accomodating as long as he is.  And if he wants to pick up DS in the middle of nap time and then DS won't nap for him, that's his problem.  He can deal with the cranky toddler that results.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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