Blended Families

Update : Serious Problem or Manipulation

So I was having some crazy issues with my computer yesterday and I typed all this stuff out and tried to change it but the bump wouldn?t let me and now I see it did in fact let me edit. 

Anyways...I thought alot about what you all were saying and I just really took alot of time to reflect on everything and manipulation or not I decided that something needed to get done!  I have asked my DH every day numerous times a day if him or his x had contacted the doctor like they said they would. After the 10th time of being told no there was no effort being made for this situation I decided to take the matter into my own hands and decided that this was a serious issue and it needed to be remedied immediately.  I told my husband last night if they didn?t get his daughter help then DS and I would be staying with my mom until they saw the seriousness of what happened.  I told him that I would not stand by while that put their heads in the sand and there was potential for this little girl to hurt herself or possibly hurt our son. 

On Sunday we heard on the radio how yet another child had killed there sibling and I looked at my husband and said how could those parents not see the signs that something was wrong?  Well this was my sign and I am reading it loud and clear! Of course my husband said I was overacting and that he knows his daughter and she would never do something like that and I retorted with I am sure those parents thought the same thing and now they have a dead child and another one responsible for it.  This has caused a huge argument but I am not backing down.  If SDs parents don?t want to see the severity of this event then I will let them play dumb but when it comes to the safety of my son I can?t turn a blind eye.

I just want to thank you for all for your opinions. They really helped me not let this just be overlooked again by DH and BM like so many other issues we have had with SD.

BFP 11/23/11...CP 11/29/11 BFP 12/28/11...Natural MC 1/19/12 BFP 2/22/12...EDD 11/2/12 new EDD 10/28/2012 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Update : Serious Problem or Manipulation

  • I can't imagine dealing with this exactly as you are. My SDs halfsibs both at one time were at that point and old enough to do something harmful. Their dad and SM took the necessary steps, though, and theu are doing wonderful now.

    In our abuse case, when it first became suspected, no one wanted to believe that THAT was happening. So I called DCS anonymously. Little good it did, but the point is that I did what I thought was in the best interest of a little girl who could not help herself. And in time, no one else could hide from the truth either. If your SD is on your insurance, I would call the mental health services for advice at the very least. And personally, I believe you have every legal right and ethical human reaponsibility to call or meet with her school and report her behavior/comments. She could talk with the school counselor.

    I may be the minority. But I think that every human has the right and responsibility to ensure the safety of those who cannot do so for themselves. I call the police when I see children not properly restrained in carseats, and if a child said they wanted to kill themselves, I would make sure it did not go unnoticed.

    I believe you are serious about not backing down. It may put you at odds with your H, but he is an adult and she is just a baby who must rely on others to care for her.

    I wish you all the best. And I truly hope it is just a case of manipulation, but even so, something is wrong to cause such severe threats.
  • I think you're doing the right thing.  Regardless whether your H thinks she'd ever hurt herself he should at least acknowledge that threatening suicide is NOT okay, and his child needs to be shown that.

    This is a case where I'd much rather overreact than risk what could happen if I underreacted.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • This happened with SS1 last year.  DH was in denial that the boys needed to be forced into therapy (he asked them if they wanted to go and they said no).  A stable, consistent household was not enough to offset the years of abuse from their mother's home. 

    After a few comments and discussions about the seriousness of such comments, I brought him to the hospital and checked him in.  He was out of school for about three weeks in two different facilities. 

    SS2 hasn't made the same comments but he sees a psychiatrist once a month and both of the boys see a therapist every 2-3 weeks.  They don't like seeing her but I would like to think it helps them cope with stressful situations.

    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
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    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
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    10/20/12 graduated!!!
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