Late Term and Child Loss

Does this sound like PPD to you?

Okay so I really don't think I have postpartum depression but my SO is concerned that I do so I'm just wondering what your opinion is. Being 100% honest I will say that:
1. I blame myself completely for what happened-and I know that is just part of grief. 2. I have to force myself to function. If I don't make myself do something-cook, clean, shower, eat...I will literally just sit/lay around all day. I think that's the only thing I have a hard time shrugging off. If SO wasn't here I wouldn't get up in the morning and even with him here I lay there for at least 30 minutes telling myself to get up every morning.
3) I don't answer my phone or go out in public at all other than when I go grocery shopping 30 minutes away from home where I rarely see anyone I know.
4) I have stopped talking about my son to the people I love. I talk to my SO a little about him but most of it I keep inside because a. I don't want to be judged and b, I don't want to upset anyone.

Does this sound like PPD or just grief? I really think it's just grieving but I've known women who denied needing help when they did so I'm just looking for some advice from people who get it. I have my next follow up appt next Thursday.

Pregnant after 1 miscarriage and 1 late loss. Due July 20, 2013. I am on daily Lovenox injections after finding out I have MTHFR deficiency and Homocystinuria. I hope with this treatment we will bring home a baby this time. I believe in you, Nugget.
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I am a mother to an angel baby boy, born still at almost 39 weeks gestation on January 23, 2013image

Re: Does this sound like PPD to you?

  • I'm not a doctor, but I think you're grieving.  I was totally useless for weeks; the only reason I got up or was because my son needed me, and I still wasn't able to function as a parent.  We lost Eleanor in December, and it's only in the last week that I've learned enough self control to function as a passable adult most of the time.  

    I think people get a little trigger happy when it comes to diagnosing conditions.  There's some sort of psychological check list for depression and if you feel down for x period of time then you have some sort of imbalance, but these check lists don't take into account the cause of the depression.  Yes, if your life were in a totally happy place and you felt down all of the time it might be concerning, but you just lost your child.  I think you're totally within your rights to completely lose your *** for a while.  

    HOWEVER, if you feel yourself becoming destructive in any way (towards yourself or others) I urge you to seek professional help.  In any case, I'd recommend making an appointment with a therapist or other mental health professional just to be able to talk things out.  (1) It'll give you a professional perspective on whether something IS wrong and (2) it'll give you an environment where you can freely talk about your son and your feelings without worrying about how it makes someone else feel.

     Good luck.  I'll be thinking of you. 

    Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture 
     DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • it's only been two weeks since you lost your baby? then that is definitely grieving, there is no right or wrong way. sorry for your loss ((HUGS))
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  • Nope, sounds like grieving.  As soon as it gets in the way of eating or being healthy, then I'd say you need to been seen,
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • It's most likely more grief than PPD although you may end up with a bit of that too.  It took me a few months to be more on a completely functioning level.  I got out of bed every morning but that was to simply go lay on the couch.  As far as talking about your son - do what you want to do.  If people judge you, screw them.  And stop worrying about making other people uncomfortable.  He's your son.  If he was here you'd be talking about him, so why can't you talk about him simply because he's not?  I tell anyone that will listen about my son.

    Be gentle on yourself and do what you need to do to get by right now




    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers







  • Your loss is still so new.  For weeks I would wake up crying, shower, put on clean pajamas, and sit on the couch all day.  I was just killing time till I could go back to bed.  I couldn't cook, clean, let alone go shopping, for weeks.  I didn't go online, and turned my phone off for a month.  When I did start to do normal things like grocery shopping, I was in a complete fog, I couldn't make decisions (I still have trouble with that) and I just wasn't really there.  

    You are dealing with intense grief.  I would really recommend reading some of the books listed in the reading list thread.  It was so helpful for me to read about grief, specifically the kind of grief that comes with loosing a child.  I know I have said this a million times, but attending a support group and connecting with other moms (and dads) in my area that have gone through this, really helped me more than I can say.    

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • Your loss is so new and raw. I couldn't get myself out of the house at the beginning because I didn't know what would set me off.

    I am far from a therapist but what you have described to me seems like grief. I also highly recommend finding a therapist that specializes in this kind of loss. Once you find the right person I have a feeling that it will help a lot to be in a comfortable place to share your feelings and thoughts. My therapist told me that being aware of what you are feeling is a very good thing. At the beginning I remember feeling a million different emotions at once such as anger, frustration, sadness and so much more. You have experienced a tremendous loss so being back to normal right away is far from expected. Be gentle with yourself and do what you need to do for you.

    Writing has been really helpful for me and perhaps when you are ready it would also be helpful to you. Coming on this board and knowing that what I am experiencing is normal especially when it feels like everyone around you is over it, is also very helpful. A support group can also be a wonderful way to connect with like minded people in real life.

    It is a long and often dark road but know that we are always here to listen and you are not alone.
  • It sounds like Grief to me. I didn't fully function until 3 weeks after our loss.All i did was sleep and lay in bed I didn't eat or anything, I lost 45 pounds from lack of food. Dh was home with me and our DD1 and he did all the things needed around the house I just cried and didn't eat at all for 3 weeks. Then he went back to work and  I told myself I had to live and eat and take care of my DD and my house. So after 3 weeks I told myself I would eat three meals a day that was the start for me of getting my life in order if that was at all possible.  It is all part of the grieving process you are normal you lost the hope of the future when you lost your baby boy. You need time to grieve that loss. Talk about your sweet baby as much or as little as you want that is your right. Hugs to you!! We are here for you.

    My loss was like yours and I know what you are going through if you need a friend who gets it I'm here for you!!! You can PM me .

    Another suggestion to all loss mommies I started grief counseling a week after we lost Sydney and I tell you she helped me not feel crazy and I cherish her now after 17 months out she helped me at my darkest time.


    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • What your doing right now is totally normal. I just went from my bed to the couch most days for the first two weeks. I cried every morning when I woke up and in the shower and on and off mostly all day. 

     I didn't care what anyone thought of how I grieved. I still don't. But those rust few weeks were so hard I did what I could to survive. 

    Hang in there and just do what you can to get by.  

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial ticker
    Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
    DD #1 born January 2014

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