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knife in my heart

jebretzjebretz member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I have been working hard on a scrapbook for the pregnancy and babies... I just need to have everything in order and in one place. Last week I was able to finish all the pages of ultrasound pictures (which was a lot since I was high risk). Well, this morning I wanted to show DH all my hard work, and I didn't think it would be upsetting since it was just the us pics, not pics of the babies.  I was wrong, because he started crying, which hasn't happened in a few weeks.  To top it off, he wasn't crying because of the pictures themselves, he was crying because, in his words "we should have to make a book for our dead babies, we should be able to make one for our living babies".  It tears me apart to see him like that, and of course he is right, so then I am sad too. 
TTC since May 2011
Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
 Dx PCOS April 2012. 
Clomid x 4 - no response.
First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st. 
BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th! 
 7wk US Sept 28th - triplets! 
Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!  
IVF #1 10/11/13 -  canceled before retrieval.  
IVF# 2 11/28/13 - retrieval on Turkey Day! Hyperstim - no transfer
FET #1 2/4/14 - miscarriage @ 9 weeks (Trisomy 6) 
FET #2 6/8/14 - healthy normal baby! Due date 2/25/15
     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Re: knife in my heart

  • hhudson92hhudson92 member
    BIG ((hugs))

    TTC since August 2011
    DX PCOS and annovulatory
    1/12 Clomid (3 rounds total and no response)
    DH SA = normal
    6/12 Femara (2 rounds)no response
    8/12 1st round Gonal F and 2 follies = BFN
    9/12 2nd round injects and 3 follies = BFP!
    10/15 11dpo beta#1 = 162 10/17 beta #2 = 471 1st U/S: Quads!!!
    1/13 Baby A ruptured membranes, our angels Jaxon, Jayse, Emersyn, and Ellee were born @ 17 weeks
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    5/13 Gonal F with 1 follie - BFP! EDD - 2/11/14

     

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  • jess123456jess123456 member
    Hugs to you and your DH. I haven't had the courage to put together our pictures and I am anticipating that it will be similar for us :
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  • MrsZ816MrsZ816 member
    So sorry you have to do this.  It isn't fair that any of us have to deal with this.  Putting things together beyond the shoving of everything in to a bag that I did when I got home from the hospital is unfathomable to me right now.  Sending you and your DH hugs, thoughts and prayers.
    Married 8/2009, TTC since 4/2010
    ME: 30, DOR- Low amh, normal fsh/afc DH: 30, morphology issue
    IVF #1- BFN
    IVF #2- BFP!!! Beautiful baby girl became an angel on 2/6/13 at 17.5 weeks due to PPROM/IC
    IVF #3- New RE... February March 2014! 8r/6m/6f. Transferred one and have one frostie! BFP! EDD 12/7/14
    **PAIF/SAIF welcome    **

    image


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  • WilliamandshawnnaWilliamandshawnna member

    Big HUGS to you and your husband.

    TTC #1 since 10/2010 RE consult 6/2011 PCOS (known) MFI IVF #1 w/ICSI 2/2012 BFP TRIPLETS our angels grew wings at 19.5 weeks 6.25.12 IVF #2 2/2013 Sono shows tissue Hysteroscopy needed Changing RE www.chasingstarsisbettertogether.com Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ~~~all welcome~~~
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