Is something wrong with me?!

CrystalC514 · February 2013

If you feel the need to be mean just walk away!!

I'm not really a maternal person I never really saw myself as a mother and did everything possible to avoid it. Don't get me wrong I love my son but I'm not ready for this my husband is the person that adores kids me not so much. I don't wanna do this again, I have people thinking somethings wrong with me I'm suppose to be super happy and loving that's what a "normal" woman does I feel like I'm playing a part I didn't wanna play. And I can't voice this to friends that are ttc or have kids because being pregnant I should be in mommy state of mind. So the question begs to be asked is something wrong with me? I'm just not there I'm trying but I'm just not. This is my first Child I got pregnant on BC.

GraceInCA · February 2013

There's nothing wrong with you. Those are your feelings and you are entitled to them. That being said, have you ever spoken with a professional? The "playing a part" sentiment seems as though it may be an indication of depression, PPD, or another issue, and it might be worth talking to someone about it in case there is an underlying medical issue going on. Best of luck to you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

nowuseeme4407 · February 2013

I dont think anything is wrong with you! I think all women are different! I am not as gushy about this baby and I wasnt for my 1st either. I love my DD and I am looking forward to meeting DS however I am not one that does a ton of bonding while pregnant. I am am a miserable pregnant person in the way that I feel.

Some people are just made for it and other have to grow into it. Your feelings might change or they might not and I am no one to say they will or wont.

I do have one legit question though, or maybe it is more than one. What do you mean that you did everything to avoid it? Bc pills patches, rings, shots? How does you DH feel about you being so detached and with your 1st child how are you as a mother? are you super interactive and involved or does DH take more of that role and you kinda sit there on the side.

skio · February 2013

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother.

There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen.

I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

ETA: I think I may be misreading your post; is this your first or second pregnancy? Sorry if my assumption that this is a second pregnancy is wrong. I'm on mobile.

Seriously, if this is your first, it's okay if you're scared and worried about not being maternal. But I do think extra birth control and a talk with your H are still necessary from here on out. Lots of luck.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

GraceInCA:
There's nothing wrong with you. Those are your feelings and you are entitled to them. That being said, have you ever spoken with a professional? The "playing a part" sentiment seems as though it may be an indication of depression, PPD, or another issue, and it might be worth talking to someone about it in case there is an underlying medical issue going on. Best of luck to you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It just seems I'm trying to be happy about being pregnant and trying to get into mommy mindset. I had to change every aspect of my life. As far as playing the part everyone expects me to be over the moon about being pregnant and having random unwanted people invading my space because some how being pregnant is an open invitation to be touch.

SLaBM2B · February 2013

skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

This exactly.

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

flerlgirl · February 2013

SLaBM2B:
This exactly.

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

I was the same way. I didn't like/want kids but I did when I met DH. Weird but true.

That being said, I often do not feel as connected to the baby as I think I should be. I think that's perfectly normal but if you feel like it's causing an issue for you then speak to someone that can help you. Good luck.

GraceInCA · February 2013

CrystalC514:
GraceInCA:
There's nothing wrong with you. Those are your feelings and you are entitled to them. That being said, have you ever spoken with a professional? The "playing a part" sentiment seems as though it may be an indication of depression, PPD, or another issue, and it might be worth talking to someone about it in case there is an underlying medical issue going on. Best of luck to you. Don't be so hard on yourself.
It just seems I'm trying to be happy about being pregnant and trying to get into mommy mindset. I had to change every aspect of my life. As far as playing the part everyone expects me to be over the moon about being pregnant and having random unwanted people invading my space because some how being pregnant is an open invitation to be touch.

I can understand that feeling, and I don't like my personal space invaded either, especially if I'm not in the mood for it. If I were you, I'd still talk to someone in a professional setting. Being resentful about this is not going to work out well for you, your husband, your son, or this new child.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

nowuseeme4407:
I dont think anything is wrong with you! I think all women are different! I am not as gushy about this baby and I wasnt for my 1st either. I love my DD and I am looking forward to meeting DS however I am not one that does a ton of bonding while pregnant. I am am a miserable pregnant person in the way that I feel.
Some people are just made for it and other have to grow into it. Your feelings might change or they might not and I am no one to say they will or wont.
I do have one legit question though, or maybe it is more than one. What do you mean that you did everything to avoid it? Bc pills patches, rings, shots? How does you DH feel about you being so detached and with your 1st child how are you as a mother? are you super interactive and involved or does DH take more of that role and you kinda sit there on the side.

I was on implanon and got pregnant I talk to the baby and try to bond or try to. This is our first. I'm trying to be super involved with stuff for the baby.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling. ETA: I think I may be misreading your post; is this your first or second pregnancy? Sorry if my assumption that this is a second pregnancy is wrong. I'm on mobile. Seriously, if this is your first, it's okay if you're scared and worried about not being maternal. But I do think extra birth control and a talk with your H are still necessary from here on out. Lots of luck.

This is out first I was on bc. It's ok I should have specified

CrystalC514 · February 2013

SLaBM2B:
skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

This exactly.

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

This is my first child. I got pregnant ON BC!

ASmallWonder · February 2013

There isn't anything wrong with you. And honestly, even people who wanted the child they're having are "playing the part" as FTMs because that's all you can do. You've never been a parent and the feeling that come with an outside baby aren't the same as those people have for their inside babies. You'd be hard pressed to find a single person who tells you that the feelings they have for their outside baby are no different from how they felt toward the baby before it was born.

Parenting is hard and isn't for everyone. I hope it's something you grow to love but since you didn't go into this with the excitement many start out with, it's going to feel lacking until that baby is here and you're able to experience the emotions that come with it.

SLaBM2B · February 2013

CrystalC514:
SLaBM2B:

skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

This exactly.

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

This is my first child. I got pregnant ON BC!

Ugh.. that's a rough one... Well, you never know.. after the baby is born you may be one of those women that bonds immediately.. Pregnancy may not be your thing.. Let's be honest... It's a pain in the @ss frankly.... We have to change our entire lifestyles, gain weight, go through insane hormonal changes, plus a ton of other stuff.. It's NOT a fun experience!!

lioness13 · February 2013

This doesn't sound abnormal but you may want to go to counseling where you can actually talk to someone about your feelings and how to work through them. I have heard of women feeling this way but everything changing after the birth. I hope that happens for you because your child deserves two loving parents.

Murphie82 · February 2013

In agreement with everyone else that there isn't anything wrong with you. I've always adored kids, but I know that not everyone finds them the amazing little bundles of joy that I do.

From your post, I am a little bit confused - do you already have a son and are having a second child, or is this your first child and it's a boy? Your answer doesn't really matter all that much but it helps for clarification in terms of my advice.

If I'm reading it right and it's your first child (a son), there is the chance that your mind will be changed once the baby is born or as the child becomes older you may feel closer to it as you begin to have more shared experiences and see bits of yourself and your husband in it.

I keep having to convince my fiance that as much as he thinks he loves the baby right now, he has no idea how he will feel once its born. I'm a FTM so I don't really have any experience to say this, but I feel pretty confident that I'm right after everything I hear from other parents.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

elmoali:
There isn't anything wrong with you. And honestly, even people who wanted the child they're having are "playing the part" as FTMs because that's all you can do. You've never been a parent and the feeling that come with an outside baby aren't the same as those people have for their inside babies. You'd be hard pressed to find a single person who tells you that the feelings they have for their outside baby are no different from how they felt toward the baby before it was born.
Parenting is hard and isn't for everyone. I hope it's something you grow to love but since you didn't go into this with the excitement many start out with, it's going to feel lacking until that baby is here and you're able to experience the emotions that come with it.

Thank you I just can't seem to be as happy about it I'm not depressed honestly. Thank you for not suggesting I seek help. I love this baby as unexpected as he is but I'm just not as over the moon as some are. I'll probably have a better bond once he's here.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

Murphie82:
In agreement with everyone else that there isn't anything wrong with you. I've always adored kids, but I know that not everyone finds them the amazing little bundles of joy that I do.
From your post, I am a little bit confused - do you already have a son and are having a second child, or is this your first child and it's a boy? Your answer doesn't really matter all that much but it helps for clarification in terms of my advice.
If I'm reading it right and it's your first child (a son), there is the chance that your mind will be changed once the baby is born or as the child becomes older you may feel closer to it as you begin to have more shared experiences and see bits of yourself and your husband in it.
I keep having to convince my fiance that as much as he thinks he loves the baby right now, he has no idea how he will feel once its born. I'm a FTM so I don't really have any experience to say this, but I feel pretty confident that I'm right after everything I hear from other parents.

This is our first child (a son). I'm sure I'll be better able to bond with him when he gets here.

DiaMT · February 2013

Like pp said it would be a good idea to talk to someone, especially before the baby comes. What you're feeling is totally normal and the fact that you tried to prevent it and it still happened probably gives you so many mixed emotions, including anger, depression, uncertainty. Talk to a professional about your feelings, you need to do this so that you can be honest and talk without feeling judged. Also, start making plans for after the baby comes to avoid PPD, including an exercise plan and making arrangements for others, friends and family, to help out (like stopping over for visits, giving you a little time away from baby so you can shower, get out of the house, or just have a little personal time).

I didn't want kids when DH and I got married. It could've been a deal breaker but my husband had decided he was okay with my decision even though he wanted kids. After 6 years of marriage I changed my mind but honestly I was scared when I got pregnant. I never felt a bond to my son, I was depressed because I couldn't do a lot of things I use to, and I really hated feeling pregnant. I didn't really fall in love with my son until he was born and not to sound cheesy but it was instantaneous with his birth. Now he's 3 and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.......I've enjoyed him so much I decided to have a second child. So, I guess what I'm saying is don't be so hard on yourself. Talk to a professional and work through your fears while at the same time preparing for life with baby. Good luck!

CrystalC514 · February 2013

redaero:
It sounds to me like you're feeling bombarded with a lot of expectations from other people about the way you should be acting or feeling. They think you should be totally embracing the mommy identity already, and maybe you're just not there yet, so you're kind of feeling pushed into it.
It's okay. A lot of women don't instantly feel mommy-ish. We have to take our time figuring out how that new role fits in our lives, and how we're going to work it into our identity. And there's nothing wrong with that. Not everybody approaches motherhood the same way.
So take your time, cut yourself some slack, and don't listen to everybody else who keeps telling you how you should be thinking or feeling. You don't have to fit everybody else's idea of what a mother is. Just yours.

Thank you I guess some thought my would change overnight bout my views on kids. I'm trying to get into the role.

ckettenb · February 2013

I think these feelings are perfectly normal. Your life is about to change in a MAJOR way. A MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR way. I think expecting to be 10000% perfectly happy and content with such a big life change is putting too much pressure on yourself.

I didn't really bond with my baby until I went into labor.

Give it time.

singahappysong · February 2013

lioness13:
This doesn't sound abnormal but you may want to go to counseling where you can actually talk to someone about your feelings and how to work through them. I have heard of women feeling this way but everything changing after the birth. I hope that happens for you because your child deserves two loving parents.

This and pretty much what everyone else says.

In your post you say "I don't want to do this again" but then you say this is your first. So what do you not want to go through with again?

I'm striving to be honest here, so if what I saw comes off as rude, I apolgize, I'm just trying to give you as "clean" advise as I can.

The first thought that came to my head was to say: "suck it up". unless you are planning on adopting your child, you don't have any options. You have a couple months to work through your emotions and thoughts and everything regarding being a mother; and I definitely think you should. Be open with your SO and get professional advise as well.

It's going to be hard; not just for you, but even for those who have always dreamed of being a mom (I'm speaking about those who played House and Dolls from ages 1 to 20 lol). Its not an easy job. So just prepared for "hard". If you expect it to be hard, I feel like it'd be at least easier to deal with it, rather than think it's easy and be in for a huge awakening.

ASmallWonder · February 2013

CrystalC514:
elmoali:
There isn't anything wrong with you. And honestly, even people who wanted the child they're having are "playing the part" as FTMs because that's all you can do. You've never been a parent and the feeling that come with an outside baby aren't the same as those people have for their inside babies. You'd be hard pressed to find a single person who tells you that the feelings they have for their outside baby are no different from how they felt toward the baby before it was born.
Parenting is hard and isn't for everyone. I hope it's something you grow to love but since you didn't go into this with the excitement many start out with, it's going to feel lacking until that baby is here and you're able to experience the emotions that come with it.

Thank you I just can't seem to be as happy about it I'm not depressed honestly. Thank you for not suggesting I seek help. I love this baby as unexpected as he is but I'm just not as over the moon as some are. I'll probably have a better bond once he's here.

I do think you're going into this with different feelings than most but let me share this with you. Both of my kids were planned and wanted. And I never had "over the moon" feelings being pregnant with them. And when DS1 was born? I didn't cry. I loved him but I didn't know him and it took weeks before I felt that "How have you not always been a part of my life?" feeling. And believe me, my son is my world. It just doesn't happen the same way for everyone and I do think mothers do a disservice by not talking about feeling the way I felt. It leaves the mothers who feel that way feeling like they're broken because you only ever hear about the women who broke down in sobs and felt an immediate connection. That definitely happens for some but not all and it doesn't mean you aren't/won't be a good mother.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

singahappysong:
lioness13:
This doesn't sound abnormal but you may want to go to counseling where you can actually talk to someone about your feelings and how to work through them. I have heard of women feeling this way but everything changing after the birth. I hope that happens for you because your child deserves two loving parents.
This and pretty much what everyone else says.
In your post you say "I don't want to do this again" but then you say this is your first. So what do you not want to go through with again?
I'm striving to be honest here, so if what I saw comes off as rude, I apolgize, I'm just trying to give you as "clean" advise as I can.
The first thought that came to my head was to say: "suck it up". unless you are planning on adopting your child, you don't have any options. You have a couple months to work through your emotions and thoughts and everything regarding being a mother; and I definitely think you should. Be open with your SO and get professional advise as well.
It's going to be hard; not just for you, but even for those who have always dreamed of being a mom (I'm speaking about those who played House and Dolls from ages 1 to 20 lol). Its not an easy job. So just prepared for "hard". If you expect it to be hard, I feel like it'd be at least easier to deal with it, rather than think it's easy and be in for a huge awakening.

As in I don't want any more children this is my first I don't expect motherhood to be easy if that's what you think I'm implying you couldn't be farther from the truth.

Ethansmommy18 · February 2013

SLaBM2B:
skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

This exactly.
Agree one million percent!!!!

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

TheyCalledHerKate · February 2013

could you be suffering from depression? it can be normal to feel overwhelmed and stressed but it sounds like you are genuinely down.

JaimeCH · February 2013

I think your feelings are completely normal given your circumstances. It sounds like you feel like you should be living up to expectations of what others view a "mommy" to be. First of all, you don't have to be that person. Yes, you will be responsible for a little human, but I think that the love from that will come with time. I say make your own brand of mommyhood that makes you happy. You don't have to fit into a cookie cutter shape.

flerlgirl · February 2013

CrystalC514:

As in I don't want any more children this is my first I don't expect motherhood to be easy if that's what you think I'm implying you couldn't be farther from the truth.

In sing's defense, that part confused me as well. I don't think she mean to imply that you thought anything in particular.

RileighsMom1224 · February 2013

I never liked kids prior to having my daughter. It was very strange it was like some one flicked a switch in me when I held my daughter for the first time. Your out look might do a 180 once your son is born.

happywife2b · February 2013

Yes, there is obviously something wrong with you. Go spank yourself now!

No, silly! There's nothing wrong with you, and you ARE normal! Normal is what works in a healthy manner for YOU. Obviously, not being a parent worked for you and being a parent isn't working as well for you. While it is uncommon, it is not 'abnormal' or bad or wrong... Contrary to what the wonderful world of mommy-marketeering would have you think. Forcing yourself to have more children (against your will or desire) is not healthy and will certainly cause problems for your sanity, your marriage and your parenting! That's a triple whammy of no-good. Do what is right for you.

Edit:

I was confused by the original post and thought you were pregnant with #2. Ok, I understand better now. I agree with PPs that your feelings may indeed change when this one is born, since it is all brand new and scary right now. You have no experience to help yo navigate this new phase of your life.

And the PPs who encouraged you to seek some counseling aren't doing so because they think something is "wrong" with you. They are doing so because a counselor can help you untangle the big ball of emotions you are carrying around. They can assist you in finding a balance and making a plan for how to deal with negative feelings so that they don't drag you down and keep you from being healthy and productive. Honestly, I agree that seeing a counselor would probably help a lot, even if just to release your emotions and vent to someone who isn't gonna' get mad at you or call you crazy. (I know most family members won't offer this type of unbiased listening.)

Jtaxson · February 2013

Not everyone is so thrilled about becoming a parent or being pregnant. Especially if you weren't planning on it. Pregnancy sucks for me personally. I don't have any major issues but between morning sickness and not feeling human most of the time, I'm no fun to be around, compared to my normal self. I desperately wanted my 4yo and was surprised I didn't bond with him instantly after his birth. It just took a little longer than everyone else. I kept all of this to myself for the most part. Our family is awesome now. He's such a sweet and funny kid and so much fun to be around. It will all fall into place for you too. Don't worry about everyone else's expectations, just focus on yourself.

hjk5000 · February 2013

elmoali:
CrystalC514:
elmoali:
There isn't anything wrong with you. And honestly, even people who wanted the child they're having are "playing the part" as FTMs because that's all you can do. You've never been a parent and the feeling that come with an outside baby aren't the same as those people have for their inside babies. You'd be hard pressed to find a single person who tells you that the feelings they have for their outside baby are no different from how they felt toward the baby before it was born.
Parenting is hard and isn't for everyone. I hope it's something you grow to love but since you didn't go into this with the excitement many start out with, it's going to feel lacking until that baby is here and you're able to experience the emotions that come with it.

Thank you I just can't seem to be as happy about it I'm not depressed honestly. Thank you for not suggesting I seek help. I love this baby as unexpected as he is but I'm just not as over the moon as some are. I'll probably have a better bond once he's here.
I do think you're going into this with different feelings than most but let me share this with you. Both of my kids were planned and wanted. And I never had "over the moon" feelings being pregnant with them. And when DS1 was born? I didn't cry. I loved him but I didn't know him and it took weeks before I felt that "How have you not always been a part of my life?" feeling. And believe me, my son is my world. It just doesn't happen the same way for everyone and I do think mothers do a disservice by not talking about feeling the way I felt. It leaves the mothers who feel that way feeling like they're broken because you only ever hear about the women who broke down in sobs and felt an immediate connection. That definitely happens for some but not all and it doesn't mean you aren't/won't be a good mother.

Very well said elmoali.

AutumnOracle · February 2013

My pregnancy was planned. 100% wanted. I'm scared out of my ever loving mind. After I took the first test I looked at my husband and said "there are no take-backsies right?"

Fear of change is normal. And frankly raising a kid is no joke. I mean they start of as a blank canvas to the world and for the first 18 years we are responsible for them and can help mold their lives. That's a bigger commitment than most things in life.

Take a breath, take a moment and enjoy this time before baby gets here. I know that I love my little girl already and I'll love her more when she gets here, but it's overwhelming at best even when you are the type to be head over heels for any tiny baby.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

RileighsMom1224:
I never liked kids prior to having my daughter. It was very strange it was like some one flicked a switch in me when I held my daughter for the first time. Your out look might do a 180 once your son is born.

I've just had so many people telling me how happy I should be and how lucky I am a boy on the first try and when you tell them you weren't they give H a wink and pat on the shoulder. And people who know I didn't want kids tell me how proud they are that I've grown up. I'm sure it will once DS is born

CrystalC514 · February 2013

happywife2b:
Yes, there is obviously something wrong with you. Go spank yourself now!
No, silly! There's nothing wrong with you, and you ARE normal! Normal is what works in a healthy manner for YOU. Obviously, not being a parent worked for you and being a parent isn't working as well for you. While it is uncommon, it is not 'abnormal' or bad or wrong... Contrary to what the wonderful world of mommy-marketeering would have you think. Forcing yourself to have more children (against your will or desire) is not healthy and will certainly cause problems for your sanity, your marriage and your parenting! That's a triple whammy of no-good. Do what is right for you.
Edit:
I was confused by the original post and thought you were pregnant with #2. Ok, I understand better now. I agree with PPs that your feelings may indeed change when this one is born, since it is all brand new and scary right now. You have no experience to help yo navigate this new phase of your life.
And the PPs who encouraged you to seek some counseling aren't doing so because they think something is "wrong" with you. They are doing so because a counselor can help you untangle the big ball of emotions you are carrying around. They can assist you in finding a balance and making a plan for how to deal with negative feelings so that they don't drag you down and keep you from being healthy and productive. Honestly, I agree that seeing a counselor would probably help a lot, even if just to release your emotions and vent to someone who isn't gonna' get mad at you or call you crazy. (I know most family members won't offer this type of unbiased listening.)

Haha well it might be more fun then dealing with RP. I can understand where PP's are coming from I guess with the counseling thought it was coming across as if they thought I was/am depressed people that think I should be in "happy mommy mode" are just getting under my skin and the every mommy seems to think if your not super happy something is wrong. And I'm sure my mommy mojo will kick in.

CrystalC514 · February 2013

SLaBM2B:
skio:
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be mother. There's something wrong with the fact that you've supposedly "tried everything" to avoid it and are pregnant with your second child. What exactly have you tried? Did you and your husband decide not to have kids and you somehow ended up getting pregnant by accident twice? If so, you need to look into more permanent birth control. A vasectomy, tubal, or at least the pill or an IUD plus condoms if you really want to not have this happen. I'm not being mean, I'm just confused as to why you're pregnant again if you never wanted to be a mom. If you're doing this for your husband because he wants kids, you need to have a serious talk with him and figure out where your priorities lie. It's not fair to you not to your children to only have kids for his sake. Please seek counseling.

This exactly.

If you didn't want to be a parent, how come you are? I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children, but I'm confused at how you have one already, and are having another. Is it to make your H happy?

Personally, kids weren't for me until I met my H. I NEVER wanted children until I met him (that's one of the reasons I knew he was the one for me). I dont like other peoples kids, except for a small few, and I don't get all giggly over babies, although that's changing now that I have one growing inside me.

I would definitely try to talk to someone professional about this. Your concerns sound like a recipe for disaster honestly, and I fear that you and/or your children will suffer b/c of it.

This is my first I was on BC but I guess *** happens.

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