Late Term and Child Loss
Mrs Nice
member
Loss CheckIn
Mrs Nice
member
Welcome to our Thursday checkin!
I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Loss CheckIn
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. I'm having a very hard time this week and I feel like every day this month is going to be awful since technically Ava could've come at any time now.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to start attending a grief and loss group at a church near my house and it starts on February 24th. I plan to call and register for that.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom? Setting aside time in the day to really grieve heavily, have a good cry, helped me a lot in the very beginning. This normally took place in the shower (and still does). I also think that reading other people's stories was very helpful. My favorite book related to loss so far was An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Ava, nonstop. I just want her to be here with us so badly and my grief right now is feeling like it did when it all first happened four months ago. It's like my life has just been one big nightmare since October and I'm really struggling with acceptance of what happened. I'm also frustrated with my body for failing me with my most recent loss. Not sure if my body was trying to tell me it's too soon, but I wish my heart, mind and body could just be on the same page already if that makes any sense.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I have decided that I want to donate things to the hospital where Annabelle was born. I am trying to see what their needs are and what would be most beneficial for loss parents. I remember that the nurses kept saying that I need to take the memorial box with me (even though I did not want it). I am so glad I did. It has helped to have a piece of her with me.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
The next goal is to actually put my plan into action by finding out who to talk to at the hospital. I am also looking to announce it to family and friends to see if they would like to donate. There are many people (especially on FB) that don't know I was pregnant and had a baby.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
To allow yourself to grieve. I was happy when DH went to work and DD went to daycare so that I could actually spend the time by myself to cry and scream and feel all of the emotions I needed to. I still need that time now.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Annabelle. It's hard to believe that she would have been 10 months already. Where has the time gone? And why can't she be here?
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
Oh Meli, I am sorry you are having a rough week. I think attending a support group is a big step. I was so nervous the first time I went, almost to the point of having an anxiety attack, but it was so worth it. I actually look forward to going now.
I am also struggling with my most recent loss and am so frustrated too, I really wanted to be pregnant before I reached the one year mark, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Lots of hugs to you!
You are so courageous and caring for wanting to make donations to the hospital. I think thats great!
It is amazing how time just keeps going.
Thank you. I am looking forward to the support group but anxious about it as well. I know that if I have to say something I will choke up and start crying. Saying the words "I lost my daughter" hurts so deeply within me that I can't say it without crying.
I'm sorry for what you're going through as well. I wish I could make this pain go away for all of us and make things easier. ((hugs)).
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? It has been a little over a week since I lost my son & I called to make my post-partum checkup appointment for the 18th. It makes me feel comforted to read posts here & the book ?Still.? that the hospital gave me and know I am not alone in losing a child this way.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I am seeing a therapist next Monday & am just hoping to make it out of the house to get there.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Physical healing is a saddening thing. I tend to heal quickly, after my daughter I was basically back to normal physically by my 6 week appointment. I think my bleeding is just about done now & it makes me sad. My belly is almost gone already, even though I have the extra ?doughy? skin still. My husband said something about how I should fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes in a couple weeks & it made me bawl. I miss my pregnant stomach, seeing it jump & jiggle when Benjamin moved. I miss touching it & feeling him kick back. I wish I would have told him how much I loved him.
I am going to join in on these check-ins if that is ok...I have posted some over the past few months...reading these are really therapeutic to me to see how others are doing...
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Yes, it's actually been a really good week (I had a REALLY low week last week so this is much needed). I started reading "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My imagination" last night and can already tell it is going to be SOOOO helpful. I also contacted a local support group in my area.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Right now I am trying to get all of my pregnancy weight off plus some extra that I went into pregnancy with. We are medically TTA until May so my goal is to be in tip-top shape by then...I am NOT weighing myself (via my therapist's orders...it makes me crazyyyyy) but I am trying on old clothes and will prob. start measuring soon. about 2 weeks ago I could put on my old jeans but they were still too tight to wear...trying them on again on saturday. Losing the weight has really been therapeutic to me.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom? Seeing a therapist has been sooooo helpful...because when you have a loss NO ONE wants to talk about it after about 2 weeks...I love talking about my sweet girl and it is helpful for me to have a very ugly cry session every few weeks talking about it and how it has affected me. Also, to be honest with your friends and family about how sucky you feel. And as PPs have said just give yourself time to grieve and days to just be really upset.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Every week my sweet girl is on my mind...I am also constantly obsessed with may getting here so we can try again. I could drive myself crazy worrying about the future...I really just need to relax and enjoy today.
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
Ah, thanks. I have been struggling to think about what to do for her angelversary and I really want to do something to help others. I remember feeling very alone in the hospital. I want other women to feel like they are not the only one that this has happened to.
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Just get outside. I always feel better when I am outside being active.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom? Every moment will be different. Just when you think everything is going really well, you will backslide. And sometimes you will be surprised when something happens, and you dont cry. Surround yourself with other loss parents. Others will expect you to move on, they will understand that you will always be grieving.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Elsie would be a month old. Several other friends have had their babies in the last month...
Have you taken any new steps toward healing this week?
Not really.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself?
Making it through my hysteroscopy without a major break down,
Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Honestly, no.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
To be gentle on yourself, this is a long, winding, dark road. The grief will come and go with different intensities (even throughout a single day), make time for you, talk about your loss as much or as little as you want. Know that there will be people that say stupid things. When and if you are comfortable find a therapist or support group. Talking really does help.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
My boys and how unfair it is that I even have to TTCAL. I planned on being done after the boys arrived. Attempting to embrace TTCAL and get my head and heart on the same page
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
The beginning of this week was really hard on me for some reason. I couldn't hold it together. But, now I feel like I am doing better.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Nothing really, still trying to get more weight off. I think if I get a scale it will motivate me more.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
To know that everything you are feeling is normal. Reading "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" really helped me understand grief and my feelings.
To accept support from anyone who is offering it, even if you don't feel like you want it or deserve it, just let people be there.
Connect with others who have gone through this kind of loss, it really helps to know you are not alone.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Missing Stella, always. Also, feeling the need to take the nursery down. It's like it's a cruel reminder that she is not here. I feel guilty, because everything we have was a gift and the big things were so expensive. But, I don't know how long I can keep them, I have no use for them, and don't know that I will.
Its ok to cry. I can't talk about her without crying either. I had tears in my eyes as soon as I saw the other women and couples going to the group and I cried listening to their stories. It was so draining, but comforting to know they understood me. Good luck.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I honestly don't have a goal. I just want to keep doing what I'm doing, keep moving forward.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom? It's OK to cry - and it's OK to not cry. The first 2-3 months, I cried every.single.day. But as I got back into life and started moving forward, I didn't cry as much. I sometime feel guilty that I don't cry every day, but the lack of tears doesn't mean the pain isn't still fresh for me. It still hurts. Don't judge your grief based on how many days you cry, and don't let others do that to you either.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I've been thinking about Devon so much. I try not to be bitter about what happened, but I am. And it sucks. I just want him in my arms. He'd be almost 6 months old. I can't believe 6 months has passed already.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
No. My follow up appt with my Dr is tomorrow. I am hoping some sort of test results have come back that might give us some insight.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I go back to work on Thursday. Is that considered a goal? I guess so since it is going to require some serious work just to get through the days.
QOTW: Are there any recommendations that you would give to a new loss mom?
Being that it's been less than 3 weeks for me, I really don't. I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Just thinking about how uncertain the future is. We had so many upcoming plans for the next 7-8 months and now, everything is upside down. Now, we have to make these decisions all over again...including whether or not to TTC again.
DD Brooke 12.16.08
DS Thomas Ryan, born still on 01.23.13 at 19w3d
What great advice! It's amazing how so often our grieving is so similar & I take such reassurance in this... I was never an emotional being even now, its been 1 month (to the day) since I lost Scottie, I try to keep a pulled together demeanor but as soon as I hit the shower I lose it! Also I have joined several online communities that deal with loss and am relieved at the genuine comfort I get from sharing our stories... my next step is to be brave enough to attend the Loss Group at the hospital I delivered in.. For now i take each day (& the insensitive comments) as it comes