- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
June 2013 Moms
DH vent Long. Sorry guys!
Sorry about this in advance, but I just have to get it off if my chest and let it go cause it sucks, but that's the way it is going to be.
This LO was a huge surprise to me and DH. DD just turned a year this week and I found out that I was pg a week after moving to Amsterdam after DH took a contract here. No idea for how long. I feel like I have done everything in my power to be supportive of him. Financially, he is the bread winner and I have given up so much, career included, to make our marriage and family work.
I get that this baby was a surprise. FFS, it was for me, too, but he just can't be bothered. He hasn't felt the baby move yet. Not because he can't feel it, but because "he'll do it later". I have my a/s on Friday at almost 23w. I scheduled it so he could be there. Now he can't because going to see his old boss, I still wonder what's going on with her... She emails him regularly, and "networking" is more important than coming to the a/s. I know things are probably fine, but given my uncle's baby who was just born with Down's and a bad heart and another friend who discovered a cleft lip and palate during her a/s, it's nerve wracking and I don't have anyone who can go with me. Besides, I thought he had signed on for this. Maybe it wasn't the timing we expected, but he wanted 2 kids, too!
To top it off, we've had sex once since I got my BFP. Anytime I try to initiate he's tired, not into it, etc. He makes housewife jokes whenever he can, can't be bothered to put his dishes in the dishwasher and acts like a 2 year old when I ask him to give DD a bath. It's the only thing I ever ask him to do.
Anyways, it's a shitty situation. No amount of talking, yelling, or tears can convince him otherwise. He won't go to couple's therapy. He's convinced that his job is solely financial in all of this.
Anyways, just blowing off steam, so kudos to you if you made it this far!
This LO was a huge surprise to me and DH. DD just turned a year this week and I found out that I was pg a week after moving to Amsterdam after DH took a contract here. No idea for how long. I feel like I have done everything in my power to be supportive of him. Financially, he is the bread winner and I have given up so much, career included, to make our marriage and family work.
I get that this baby was a surprise. FFS, it was for me, too, but he just can't be bothered. He hasn't felt the baby move yet. Not because he can't feel it, but because "he'll do it later". I have my a/s on Friday at almost 23w. I scheduled it so he could be there. Now he can't because going to see his old boss, I still wonder what's going on with her... She emails him regularly, and "networking" is more important than coming to the a/s. I know things are probably fine, but given my uncle's baby who was just born with Down's and a bad heart and another friend who discovered a cleft lip and palate during her a/s, it's nerve wracking and I don't have anyone who can go with me. Besides, I thought he had signed on for this. Maybe it wasn't the timing we expected, but he wanted 2 kids, too!
To top it off, we've had sex once since I got my BFP. Anytime I try to initiate he's tired, not into it, etc. He makes housewife jokes whenever he can, can't be bothered to put his dishes in the dishwasher and acts like a 2 year old when I ask him to give DD a bath. It's the only thing I ever ask him to do.
Anyways, it's a shitty situation. No amount of talking, yelling, or tears can convince him otherwise. He won't go to couple's therapy. He's convinced that his job is solely financial in all of this.
Anyways, just blowing off steam, so kudos to you if you made it this far!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH vent Long. Sorry guys!
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
I hate that you say things will never change. I hope for you they will. Even if he isn't willing to go to couples therapy it might be worth it to talk to someone on your own. They might be able to givegive a lot of insight and help you deal with all of the changes and stress.
I hate ultimatums, but if things get worse as far as his inability to help or seemingly care once LO2 gets here, going to couples therapy may the only thing that helps and maybe you won't be able to make it an optional thing. GL.
Anyways, I know it's easy for guys to get caught up in the work and feeling important, but he needs to be involved in the family including giving baths without being a baby about it. I would put.your foot down.now so it.doesn't.continue in this direction.
Sorry for the grammar and punc I'm on mobile
CJ 05/29/2013
BINGO! It's not easy, but you do not deserve to be treated this way. I would sit down and tell him how this all makes you feel and go from there. You may have to make some difficult decisions based on how the conversation goes, so be prepared for that.
You will resent him and your life if you just let this fall by the wayside. You will be glad you did it. Good luck and I am sorry you have to deal with this, especially abroad.
CJ 05/29/2013
((Hugs)) I think BLT gave some great advice, I just wanted to add that we're here for you to vent to whenever you need. 2 under 2 is stressful especially the first couple months, but I promise the experience is amazing and well worth. Despite popular belief, baby number 3 is planned, we wanted to have 2 under 2 again.
Feel free to PM me any questions or concerns about 2 under 2. I'm happy to share the highs and lows of my experience.
I