Blended Families

Made me smile

Today at my sons school I was talking to teacher and mentioned I know my exH wife because we went to high school together. She gave me an odd look and I said yeah I know my ex married my friend from high school. She said yeah that is not very cool but I can't believe you guys went to high school together she looks at least 10 years older.

It made me feel so good because for a brief time when they started dating it hurt my ego. I thought if he liked her I must not be very pretty but my husband and a few friends reassured me they don't see how he could ended up with her. But to hear it from someone who is not a friend or family makes a difference.

 

Re: Made me smile

  • This post makes me kind of sad and angry.

    I'm sad that you need that sort of outside validation.  You shouldn't need other people to tell you your value and make you feel better about yourself.  I hope that one day you will be able to look within yourself for that.  You should be the only one who impacts your self esteem.

    What makes me really angry is that a teacher was engaging in gossip with you regarding your son's SM.  That's disgusting.  Your XH's marriage and the backstory behind it has nothing to do with your child's education.  Her job is to educate your child and look out for his best interests while in school.  For her to be discussing BD and SM is unprofessional and immature.  As a BM and as a SM, if I found out my daughter's teacher or K's teacher was gossiping about me or BM to my husband I would contact not only the principal but the school district as well.  It is grossly inappropriate for the teacher to gossip about the BD and SM with you, and shame on you for engaging in it. 

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  • imagejobalchak:

    This post makes me kind of sad and angry.

    I'm sad that you need that sort of outside validation.  You shouldn't need other people to tell you your value and make you feel better about yourself.  I hope that one day you will be able to look within yourself for that.  You should be the only one who impacts your self esteem.

    What makes me really angry is that a teacher was engaging in gossip with you regarding your son's SM.  That's disgusting.  Your XH's marriage and the backstory behind it has nothing to do with your child's education.  Her job is to educate your child and look out for his best interests while in school.  For her to be discussing BD and SM is unprofessional and immature.  As a BM and as a SM, if I found out my daughter's teacher or K's teacher was gossiping about me or BM to my husband I would contact not only the principal but the school district as well.  It is grossly inappropriate for the teacher to gossip about the BD and SM with you, and shame on you for engaging in it. 

     

    I think you are taking this a little too seriously? She said she mentioned it in passing, and the teacher didn't realize they went to school together because BM looks older... It's not like the teacher hunted her down with a wealth of knowledge and gossip getting all in her business, it sounds like a pretty brief exchange of words. And there is nothing wrong with a compliment making you smile. She said "for a brief time" she felt bad about herself because he got together with her friend. I don't know any woman who has had a man leave her for her friend who didn't have a little bit of self-doubt.  I know when people see BM and find out we are only 5 days apart in age, it makes me feel better that they think she looks that much older than me (she is a heavy smoker and it doesn't suit her well). It has nothing to do with needing someone to validate my relationship with DH, he loves me much more than for my appearance, it's just a compliment. The end.

     

    To OP, happy for you for the positive :) Everything happens for a reason!

    fbls


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  • imageawesomenus1341:
    imagejobalchak:

    This post makes me kind of sad and angry.

    I'm sad that you need that sort of outside validation.  You shouldn't need other people to tell you your value and make you feel better about yourself.  I hope that one day you will be able to look within yourself for that.  You should be the only one who impacts your self esteem.

    What makes me really angry is that a teacher was engaging in gossip with you regarding your son's SM.  That's disgusting.  Your XH's marriage and the backstory behind it has nothing to do with your child's education.  Her job is to educate your child and look out for his best interests while in school.  For her to be discussing BD and SM is unprofessional and immature.  As a BM and as a SM, if I found out my daughter's teacher or K's teacher was gossiping about me or BM to my husband I would contact not only the principal but the school district as well.  It is grossly inappropriate for the teacher to gossip about the BD and SM with you, and shame on you for engaging in it. 

     

    I think you are taking this a little too seriously? She said she mentioned it in passing, and the teacher didn't realize they went to school together because BM looks older... It's not like the teacher hunted her down with a wealth of knowledge and gossip getting all in her business, it sounds like a pretty brief exchange of words. And there is nothing wrong with a compliment making you smile. She said "for a brief time" she felt bad about herself because he got together with her friend. I don't know any woman who has had a man leave her for her friend who didn't have a little bit of self-doubt.  I know when people see BM and find out we are only 5 days apart in age, it makes me feel better that they think she looks that much older than me (she is a heavy smoker and it doesn't suit her well). It has nothing to do with needing someone to validate my relationship with DH, he loves me much more than for my appearance, it's just a compliment. The end.

     

    To OP, happy for you for the positive :) Everything happens for a reason!

    A "pretty brief exchange of words" would be the teacher responding with, "Small world".  But to talk about how they went to school together, how the XH married OP's friend and have the teacher comment that she finds it strange is more than a comment in passing.  For the teacher to further comment on the SM's appearance is unnecessary and basically gossiping.  What did this exchange have to do with DS's education?  Nothing.  Now that the teacher knows the sordid details of who BD married, will DS benefit at all?  Nope.  There was no need to talk about any of it with the teacher. 

    In essence, all OP did was badmouth BD and SM to the teacher and that is inappropriate.  If OP had posted that SM or BD had this exchange with the teacher, we would be blasting them for their behavior.

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  • Good for you ;) I know we aren't supposed to need outside reassurance but come on people, we all like it.  It's not like she went looking for it but when it happened she appreciated it :)  I have to agree that maybe it was a bit inappropriate for that to come from the teacher, however, I do not agree that it is not related to the child's education.  Knowing details about our 3 SSs family lives is very important for our children's teachers so they can understand them better, know what they are going through etc.
  • imagebejarfamily:
    Good for you ; I know we aren't supposed to need outsidenbsp;reassurancenbsp;but come on people, we all like it. nbsp;It's not like she went looking for it but when it happened she appreciated it : nbsp;I have to agree that maybe it was a bit inappropriate for that to come from the teacher, however, I do not agree that it is not related to the child's education. nbsp;Knowing details about our 3 SSs family lives is very important for our children's teachers so they cannbsp;understandnbsp;them better, know what they are going through etc.


    I agree that teachers should know about family dynamics of their students. If a student is in a blended family, the teacher should definitely know if one or both parents are remarried and have basic knowledge of the visitation arrangement. But do teachers need to know how BD and SM met or how their relationship began? No. I believe those details don't need to be shared with teachers unless its BD or SM doing the sharing. I feel by airing the dirty laundry, the teacher is going to form her own opinion of BD and SM independent of actually meeting them which is unfair.
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  • The teacher in question I have know for awhile...my mother was a teacher in same district. No, I don't need reassurance but if someone tells you "you lost weight" or "wow you look great" it makes your day. But this women who married my EX is also the type to think her poop smells like roses and can have any man she wants even if he had super model wife. She has made verbal jabs at me and in front of my kids about her being with my Ex and other physical attributes. So, yes it made me smile! No, I don't think teacher was wrong she wasn't trying to be rude or inappropriate she was just really shocked that we are only 3 months apart.

     

  • Jo - I typically agree with you and find your advice to be helpful as both a BM & SM, but I think you're overreacting on this one. The teacher's comment wasn't gossiping. The teacher stated a fact - it's not cool that XH is married to OP's friend. I doubt anyone would say "Your friend from HS married your XH? That's awesome!!!" Was it necessary for OP to tell the teacher that information? Maybe not, but it's not the end of the world. And the fact that the teacher was surprised they were the same - also not a big deal.

    OP, I would like the compliment too. I think it's normal to have brief insecurities - we all do! 

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  • imagejobalchak:
    imageawesomenus1341:
    imagejobalchak:

    This post makes me kind of sad and angry.

    I'm sad that you need that sort of outside validation.  You shouldn't need other people to tell you your value and make you feel better about yourself.  I hope that one day you will be able to look within yourself for that.  You should be the only one who impacts your self esteem.

    What makes me really angry is that a teacher was engaging in gossip with you regarding your son's SM.  That's disgusting.  Your XH's marriage and the backstory behind it has nothing to do with your child's education.  Her job is to educate your child and look out for his best interests while in school.  For her to be discussing BD and SM is unprofessional and immature.  As a BM and as a SM, if I found out my daughter's teacher or K's teacher was gossiping about me or BM to my husband I would contact not only the principal but the school district as well.  It is grossly inappropriate for the teacher to gossip about the BD and SM with you, and shame on you for engaging in it. 

     

    I think you are taking this a little too seriously? She said she mentioned it in passing, and the teacher didn't realize they went to school together because BM looks older... It's not like the teacher hunted her down with a wealth of knowledge and gossip getting all in her business, it sounds like a pretty brief exchange of words. And there is nothing wrong with a compliment making you smile. She said "for a brief time" she felt bad about herself because he got together with her friend. I don't know any woman who has had a man leave her for her friend who didn't have a little bit of self-doubt.  I know when people see BM and find out we are only 5 days apart in age, it makes me feel better that they think she looks that much older than me (she is a heavy smoker and it doesn't suit her well). It has nothing to do with needing someone to validate my relationship with DH, he loves me much more than for my appearance, it's just a compliment. The end.

     

    To OP, happy for you for the positive :) Everything happens for a reason!

    A "pretty brief exchange of words" would be the teacher responding with, "Small world".  But to talk about how they went to school together, how the XH married OP's friend and have the teacher comment that she finds it strange is more than a comment in passing.  For the teacher to further comment on the SM's appearance is unnecessary and basically gossiping.  What did this exchange have to do with DS's education?  Nothing.  Now that the teacher knows the sordid details of who BD married, will DS benefit at all?  Nope.  There was no need to talk about any of it with the teacher. 

    In essence, all OP did was badmouth BD and SM to the teacher and that is inappropriate.  If OP had posted that SM or BD had this exchange with the teacher, we would be blasting them for their behavior.

     

    I think we tend to forget that people in professions such as teachers, doctors, judges, athletes, etc. are people too. Just because they hold a position with influence does not make them free of the flaws of being human. If SM had been the one posting this saying BM said blah blah blah about her to the teacher, I would say it's a little petty to fight over. Obviously the teacher has met SM and BD before, so I am sure her own opinions have been formed, and if she is a teacher like most, it isn't the first or the last time she has heard something about a student's parents that may not put them in the best light. It doesn't impact the child's education, has nothing to do with teaching them, but my word, have all your conversations with teachers ONLY been about the child's education? I know when I was in school my mom substituted at my school, she was friends with many of the teachers at my school, as well as other parents who substituted, it's not the end of the world, and certainly doesn't warrant a trip to the Principal's to tattle-tell!

    fbls


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