Pregnant Alcoholic/Drug Addict
Shamlet123
member
I barely recognize anyone around here, but I'm never really around these parts anymore. I'm kind of just popping in to look for some guidance/support.
My alcoholic, drug using brother and his alcoholic, drug using girlfriend are pregnant and I've been trying to pretend like its not happening, but it is. She is 4 months along. I don't really know this girl at all, I've met her a few times, I should say woman (she's 30). She has no stable job of any kind, has 2 kids prior to this that are living with their separate fathers and her and my brother get drunk and beat the crap out of each other on a regular basis.
My brother is in and out trouble often, warrants, he's spent some time in jail, has no job and we suspect is selling drugs to get by, in addition to collecting gov. aid.
We don't get along at all. He won't even speak to me, esp. now that after I heard, I pointed out that they have no money, no real place to live, no insurance, etc.. and they should consider not having the baby. At which he blew up and basically told me he never wanted to speak to me again.
It breaks my heart to even consider what kind of life this child may have. For certain, less than idyllic. But what really scares me is them potentially neglecting this child, verbally abusing him/her. I don't know why her other kids were taken away and I don't think she is making any real effort to get them back.
What do I do? Can I call the state and ask them to drop in on them just to check everything out? I'm hoping that if they know that they are being watched that will at least keep them motivated to maintain some level of sobriety and take care of the child. I don't know. I am totally at a loss here.
Re: Pregnant Alcoholic/Drug Addict
Can CPS do anything if the baby hasn't been born yet?
DS2 August 2012
Same. I'm sad for you and that little baby, and her other children.
Also, if they suspect drug use, they absolutely can test the baby after birth & assume custody if the baby has drugs/alcohol in their system.
Ok. Then, yes. Absolutely put in a call to CPS.
OP, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. Creepy e hugs.
DS2 August 2012
That's the thing my parents and family are all kind of like "Oh, that's sad. We hope they give the baby up for adoption." And I'm looking around going, am I the crazy one for thinking that we should call the authorities??
People tend to feel helpless, hopeless, and guilty in situations like this. Make the call. You aren't deciding anything. You are allowing them to know about a situation that needs investigation, and they will make the call.
Is she getting prenatal care? I work in a hospital, where unfortunately this is common. If mom tests postivie for anything during the pregnancy, we send a tox screen on mom and baby on admission. If either are positive, automatic CPS call. If they are negative, social work gets involved and decides on whether or not to get CPS involved.
If nothing else, the situation will be evaluated when she has the baby. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Ah, sofamonkey, the voice of reason.
Now I just have to work up the courage to do it.
I really hope that you follow your gut instinct and your heart. You know that you need to contact the authorities. If anything, do it anonymously.
Sofa is right; it's important authorities know the situation.
My guess is that if her other children were removed from her custody, testing the baby and investigating her will be automatic once she gives birth. But I'm not sure there is much they can do to prevent drug use, etc while pregnant short of her getting arrested and spending the pregnancy in jail.
I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I am super grateful I quit before I got pregnant. Dealing with this will be very touchy bc they will get defensive and continue to do the drug/drinking in spite. I would play the friend card. Invite her to lunches and dinners. Public and/or private, whatever you are comfortable with. Buy her a What to Expect book or Week to Week book. Tell her how cool it is that she is going to be a mom and you are SO happy for her and your brother. Tell her you are there for her and whatever questions she might have since you have been-there-done-that. This might open a door of communication and trust which will eventually soften her heart. After this happens she might realize/develop love for this unborn child and make better choices. Throwing things in her face and calling her out will only make her more bitter and want to drink/smoke/snort more...
I wish you the best of luck. You will be a better person if you can lovingly build a relationship. It will be hard and awkward in the beginning, but anything is possible.
Yes. They will investigate now and flag the hospitals in the area so they are notified immediately when she goes in to deliver. They will then go to the hospital and drug test both her and the baby.
Congrats in beig clean and I don't mean to be harsh here but the interest needs to lie with the child
I believe if the baby is born with drugs in his/her system the baby will be taken away.
Unfortunately, this story hits close to home for me. My aunt was/is an addict, mostly meth. When I was a kid she had a daughter who was taken from her at 6 months old, and that daughter lived with us for about a year. My mom was planning on adopting her, and she was like a sister to me. Then my aunt and her boyfriend (the baby's dad) began threatening our family, and my mom didn't feel safe keeping the baby in our house anymore so she was given up for adoption to a family that my aunt didn't know. A couple years later, my aunt had another baby who was born addicted to meth (I believe) and he was taken away right after birth and given to the family that adopted his sister. A few years later, and my aunt seemed to be on the right track- she was sociable, had a job, and didn't appear to be using anymore. She got pregnant and had a baby girl. Shortly afterward, things went downhill again. She got addicted to pain killers, and I was by her side as she went through withdrawal (she lived down the street from me). Then she started to get paranoid, lose a lot of weight, and avoided family. It was clear she was using again. My extended family all called and wrote letters to CPS and her probation officers multiple times. We did everything we could to keep Taylor (her baby) safe. I babysat many times while she was "away". We flat out told my aunt that we would adopt Taylor if she wanted to just run away and do drugs. CPS made a few house calls but my aunt never answered the door (as if she would). The more we tried to keep Taylor with us, the more my aunt resisted. We couldn't just keep her, that would be kidnapping. We were afraid that if we pushed any harder, my aunt would take Taylor and run, and then who knows where she'd be. When Taylor was 5 months old, I got a phone call saying Taylor wasn't breathing. By the time I got to the hospital, she was gone. Her cause of death wasn't exactly clear, but they did say she had bronchitis that had turned into sepsis. She likely suffocated in her sleep. On inspection of the home, it was found that my aunt's basement was a meth lab. I believe that greatly contributed to my cousin's death.
Sorry for the novel. All this to say, I don't know what you can do. Every day I wish we could have done more for Taylor, but I know we did everything we knew to do. It's a horrible situation to be in.
I could have written this post myself about an extended family member. It's scary how similar the situations are. CPS is already involved in this situation.
I would totally call CPS and let them investigate. I feel so sorry for kids in situations like this.
I would definitely call CPS and see what they can do. I can't imagine what that child's life is going to be like if they don't clean up their lives.
SCANDAL!