Disturbing note from teacher
MotherMayEye
member
I just got a note from my child's first grade teacher telling us that another child threatened my son and she asked us to call her. When we asked our son what the other child said, he told us that the little punk threatened to kill him!
His teacher has already left for the day, and I am probably over-reacting, but I am seriously freaked out and am considering keeping him home until I talk with her. I don't know what kind of environment this other kid is raised in, so I want some assurance that he will not bring any kind of weapon to school.
I wrote his teacher an email and am hoping she gets back to me tonight, but if she doesn't I really don't think I can send him tomorrow. I don't care if I am being overly cautious, I am not playing games with threats like that.
I know there are teachers on our May board, and I wonder what your thoughts are.
Re: Disturbing note from teacher
This.
Who knows, maybe the other kid was suspended and won't be there tomorrow....
Thank you.
My husband is on the phone now trying to get in touch with the counselor or principal.
The principal and counselor are gone for the day. My husband is going in tomorrow morning to talk with them before school starts.
Anyway, thank you. I feel better having some support about wanting to keep my son home without some plan in place to protect him. Sometimes, I am not sure whether I am being too sensitive or not. My husband's first response was pretty much that I was overreacting.
I'm a teacher. Keep her home until you've spoken to the teacher andn/or principal and have some reassurance that they are also speaking to this child's parents and making sure it was just a threat.
Unfortunately, you just never know these days...
I have some experience with bullies. My daughter was bullied by 2 kids nearly every day of elementary school. They regularly stole money from her and went through her backpack -- sometimes in the middle of class!
A few times when she stayed all night with friends, in middle and high school, relatives in the home of her friends stole money, a cell phone, and an iPod from her.
In middle school, another girl attacked her and I had to press assault charges against the kid to get any real attention to the matter. Until I did that, her school intended to suspend the girl and my daughter. After I pressed charges, enough of an investigation happened that other students who witnessed the attack were questioned, and it was plain that my daughter did nothing but lay down on the floor and put her leg up to protect herself while the other girl attacked her.
My daughter is 21, now, so kids have been out of control for a while now.
These were not problems I faced when I went to school in the 70s and 80s.
This is our plan. The note only said the other child threatened mine, but I will ask about the entire event that led to it when I talk to his teacher.
That said, there is nothing my child could have done to provoke a death threat outside of making one himself. And the note said nothing about him having done anything, at all.
We are not the kind of parents that believe our child is incapable of stirring up trouble and we are not above hearing that he has done something wrong. But, honestly, "I am going to kill you," is NOT in his vocabulary.
[EDIT: You wrote: "As a teacher I'm shocked that she didn't send the other student to the office.."
----
I have no idea, at this point, what happened. The other student was likely sent to the office given my son said a kid was sent there earlier this week for saying the word "sex" in class.]
My husband plans on meeting with the principal first thing in the a.m. Is this is where you would take it?
I know its been said multiple times but I just wanted to be another voice to reassure you that you are doing the right thing but keeping him home until it is resolved. I don't think you are overreacting at all. Now, keeping him home for weeks-on-end without any schooling... THAT would be overreacting but keeping him home for a day or finding a different school for him (I seriously hope it gets resolved before it goes that far!) is not overreacting. It is being safe
I hope it gets resolved quickly!
I teach fourth grade. First, you may want to consider that maybe this other child may have some sort of disability (Tourette's, Aspergers, etc.) that makes him say things that he doesn't really mean or would ever carry through on. I'm not saying this excuses the behavior, but may make you feel more comfortable knowing it wasn't a true threat as much as something the child saying it really doesn't really understand.
Assuming this is a developmentally normal child, (a little punk as you said) I know first hand that in my district these types of things are taken very seriously. I would hope that the child has been suspended. Even Kindergarteners can be suspended for such behavior at my school. We have a "zero tolerance"" policy regarding bullying.....and that is really what this is. It equals an automatic suspension.
I would think that the school will most likely not transfer a student out of his class mid-year as PP suggested. However, I would definitely meet with the teacher to ensure your child isn't put in "compromising" situations going forward. This type of bullying usually happens on bathroom breaks, etc. where the teacher or other adults aren't present. I have my own "bully" type kid in my class, and I make him use the bathroom separate from the class so I know nothing is transpiring in there. I would hope your child's teacher would work with you to create a learning environment you are comfortable with. You could also ask that your son be put in a different classroom than this student next year. Again, my school honors such requests when a situation like this has happened. GL!
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
Thank you. I am sure we will be able to resolve this without having to find a new school. I just also want his teacher and the principal to know that I take this VERY seriously and I hope they do, too.
I know they had a "stranger drill" after Sandy Hook. They did not talk to the students about what happened, and I did not tell my son anything about it either. But, I can't help but worry that the other kid knows about it and ideas have been planted.
I'll be sure and ask about any developmental issues, as well. And thank you for the other great advice.
I really do like his teacher and the principal, and I feel confident they will do their best to resolve things once we are able to speak with them.
I see. I guess I don't consider that provocative of a death threat. But, I don't know anything about this child's home life.
As a teacher I think this is the right thing to do. Being that they are in first grade which I used to teach it was most likely a dumb thing said by a kid not thinking before he spoke. However, you never know so you need to take it seriously. The issue should have been taking directly to the principal and you should have received a call from him/her. The fact that you didn't bothers me. I would try to resolve it in the morning, then based on what your child feels and the principal says, follow your gut on whether to keep him home or try to change classes. Good luck.
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I would be thrilled to find out that the other child was kidding or that there was nothing serious behind it, at all. The fact that I did not hear about it from the principal gives me hope that it was not a serious situation in his teacher's estimation.
My son is also making me feel like it might not have been serious and that the note from the teacher is the only thing making him think it might be serious. But, I don't want to go on and on with him about it, because I don't want him needlessly fearful.
We'll have to wait and find out more from his teacher.
DH is a teacher but I heard of this same thing that happened in my friend's school and the student who threatened was suspended on the spot. It was a 4th grader but same situation. Shame that suspending can buy some time away but for a kid who lives in a negative environment, it may not be much of a punishment. Depends on how much the kid/family values education. Being out of school might be more like a vacation to the kid and no valuable lesson learned. In that case, the only lesson they learned is not to say it out loud anymore and bully people other ways. Again, so scary...I would say you are NOT overreacting. Go with your gut!
Good luck and you're totally valid in not underestimating the situation. It's a good time for the counselor, the offender, the offender's family, teacher, and you to have a conference!
Honestly, I'm surprised the teacher sent a note home. If that happened in my classroom I absolutely would have called the parent to let them know what happened, after consulting with the guidance counsler and administration. Perhaps she did and they told her just to send a note, but this is an instance where the parent is probably going to have concerns (rightly so) and want to speak with someone about it. By calling the school is being proactive about the situation and to be honest, doing some @$$ covering, but I digress.
I definitely don't think your overracting. I would definitely have either yourself or your husband take your son to school and request to speak with the principal prior to allowing him to go to the classroom, which it sounds like you're doing. You want to make sure that the threat has been documented and investigated (they have procedures for incidences like this), and that it is safe for your son to be in the classroom. Even if the student who threatened him has a disability, the school is not at liberty to discuss that with you (privacy of the other student), but may say something along the lines of "we've determined that it wasn't said in a threatening manner, the student has been spoken to, etc".
Let us know how it goes!
I can imagine it is frustrating to deal with parents that don't provide support at home when a problem arises. After sending my daughter almost entirely through the school system by the time my son was born, it is easier for me to see how important it is to have good communication with his teachers and a willingness to be objective where his weaknesses are concerned...and to take action when needed.
I appreciate all the responses and you May Mommy teachers really have some good insights, so thanks. I will tell my husband to mention any developmental issues in a way that simply alerts the principal that we're aware that something like this might be behind the incident, and that we are not trying to violate anyone's privacy.
I'll be sure to check back in with an update tomorrow.
Yes, the school won't tell you if the other child has a disability....I was just bringing it up in my PP because I teach an inclusion class which has mostly regular students but also includes a few students who are classified. Sometimes these students don't have the best social skills...but can learn them through their interactions within a regular ed classroom. My initial comment was just to hopefully make you feel better....that maybe it wasn't a "true" threat.
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
Totally. I hate to say it but better safe than sorry some kids are super damaged.
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I teach middle school and am bothered by the fact that this teacher sent home a NOTE informing you that your son had been threatened. In my schools, this is brought automatically to the administration who may or may not bring in counselors. The principals then work with students to determine what happened (they speak with those involved, watch the security tapes, etc.) and a report is created. Parents are called, not given notes in students' backpacks. IMO, sending a note home about a threat made to a child and then not being available to discuss that note when a parent receives it isn't the proper way to deal with a threat.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with PP that going to the administration first is a better idea than starting with the counselors. Administrators are the ones who have the power to enforce the rules. Good luck tomorrow and thanks for the promise to keep us updated.
Sounds like a plan! Nowadays, you have to make sure you know what the heck the school is doing. If the principal's response is unsatisfactory, then take it to the board of education.
I disagree with some of these posts. I certainly would not send him into school tomorrow. I would meet with the teacher, guidance counselor, and principal, to discuss what happened, create a safety plan, and to make sure that if something ever happens again, they will call you immediately and not simply send a letter home.
My intention is certainly not to scare anyone, but ASSUMING that a child probably wouldn't harm another is RIDICULOUS!! I work with the kids that harm other children, are mentally ill, developmentally disabled, etc. Yes, once these kids do anything along the lines of actually harming other children, they are removed from the school and sent "away", but my point is that these kids do exist so please do not assume that the threat is alright because they are 6 and 7!
I am sure it was a knee jerk response from the child and something he heard from his parents/siblings/older kids/etc, and it is nothing to be concerned about. I would just ask that you consider that there are truly sick kids out there and make everyone in the school aware of the situation to make sure your child is safe before he returns.