friend announcing at shower

caladpi02

A friend of mine is pregnant and informed me she is going to tell our mutual friends at my shower that she is expecting. This is her second. Not sure whether I should care or not. FWIW, this is my only shower-my family and DH's family will be there as well.

526SadieSadie

You can't tell her not to, but I think its in bad taste.  A shower is the bride's/MTB's spotlight time - it really should be all about you.  Kinda like getting engaged at someone else's wedding.

EastCoastBride

I don't think it's nice of her to TELL you she'll be doing this.  But in the end - I don't think it matters.  People will congratulate her, then they'll move on. 

MzCurnett8886

I think it's tacky to announce it, maybe pulling each friend aside would be better but still not 'her' time. Offer to take the ladies out for drinks/appetizers and announce it there? Most of the people there don't even know her so why would they care if this stranger is standing there, to them it will look like she's trying to steal your thunder.

1026pumpkin

526SadieSadie:

You can't tell her not to, but I think its in bad taste.  A shower is the bride's/MTB's spotlight time - it really should be all about you.  Kinda like getting engaged at someone else's wedding.

This!  I would be irked if I were in your shoes, but you can't really stop her.  I'm sure everyone else will side-eye this.

My DH actually told me after the fact that he almost proposed to me at his friend's wedding because he was so caught up in the love fest.  I'm soooooo glad he stopped himself- I would have been mortified! 

cole2144

I think if anything people will side-eye her for doing that at your shower.

mben1119

I think beyond her being an AW, I wouldn't stress it. No one will really care.

Cranang

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

caladpi02

Cranang:

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

Nope, not the first time she has been able to tell. In fact, we had a girls dinner two days ago and she opted not to tell anyone at that time. We have a close circle of friends and see each other regularly.

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

1026pumpkin

caladpi02:

Cranang:

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

Nope, not the first time she has been able to tell. In fact, we had a girls dinner two days ago and she opted not to tell anyone at that time. We have a close circle of friends and see each other regularly.

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Sounds like a definite AW.  Sorry :-(  At least your friends probably all know this is the way she is and will probably try to just congratulate her and move on.  I think some people just didn't get hugged enough when they were little..... 

Liz4444

caladpi02:

Cranang:

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

Nope, not the first time she has been able to tell. In fact, we had a girls dinner two days ago and she opted not to tell anyone at that time. We have a close circle of friends and see each other regularly.

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Sounds like my SIL, she spent my entire bachelorette party and bridal shower talking about how she just got engaged and her wedding plans. 

blush64

caladpi02:

A friend of mine is pregnant and informed me she is going to tell our mutual friends at my shower that she is expecting. This is her second. Not sure whether I should care or not. FWIW, this is my only shower-my family and DH's family will be there as well.

I think it is in bad taste to make any big announcements at a shower/wedding/party dedicated to someone else. I went to a wedding when I was ready to tell family that I was pregnant but I hid it. I waited until a couple weeks after the wedding to let word get around.

That being said I have several relatives who are TTC right now and someone will certainly be pregnant at my shower. I have one relative who tries to make everything about herself and I am sure if she is pregnant she will wait until my shower to make the announcement even though she sees most our family almost daily and the rest weekly.(she did something similar to another relative when she got engaged) I find it mildly annoying but only because that type of behaviour annoys me. I don't care that people will congratulate her or talk about her upcoming plans during my shower. With a few family members I can see them trying to turn it more about her than me but to be honest it might give me a break, I'm not a fan of having a lot of attention. It might allow me more time to relax and enjoy the shower quietly so bring on the announcements.

Don't worry. People are there for you and will be there for you even if there is an announcement made.

Helenahhandbasket

Cranang:

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

This was sort of what I was thinking.

When you say "announce" is she announcing to the whole room, or simply telling a few ladies that she is friendly with and happens to be sitting near.  Will she be showing?  Maybe she figures she should say something or it will be awkward.

 

EastCoastBride

caladpi02:

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Maybe she needs to start getting called out on her behavior.  She starts talking about her and her baby?  Someone could say "That's great, but we should really be focusing on caladpi right now.  This is her turn...".

ScorpioChick90

I say no! Heck no! This is your time to shine and she will get her's too but just not during your turn. I think you should politely let her know that it's your time to shine and that it would not be in the best interest of you nor your mate I'm sure. I mean it's appalling for her to even imagine doing such a tacky, and selfish thing. But ultimately it is up to you so you think about it and see what your partner has to say about the situation.

Stina2012

She must be a "Taylor"....for any Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fans out there. That girl can make anything about her and her life's tragedy.

Do your friends ever tell her this event/thing/dinner is not about you? I would just ignore her. If she says anything directly to you say "Congrats" and move along. These are the types of people I tend to stand on the other side of the room from at social events, the less I see them the less annoyed I am!

Helenahhandbasket

caladpi02:

Cranang:

Well, announcing it is one thing.  If she stands up in the middle of the shower and says "I have an announcement to make!!!  I am with child!!!", that's tacky.  But if it's the first time she's going to see your mutual friends in person since she found out, I don't see the harm.  I mean, if I got a great new job, I'd tell my friend if I hadn't seen her in a while.  If I bought a house, I'd tell my friends.  I wouldn't be worried that I'm stealing attention away from someone.  How weird.  I don't get what the problem is.

Nope, not the first time she has been able to tell. In fact, we had a girls dinner two days ago and she opted not to tell anyone at that time. We have a close circle of friends and see each other regularly.

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

This changes my opinion.

Sorry your friend is like this.  Do your best to ignore her and enjoy your shower.

markhamgurl

EastCoastBride:

caladpi02:

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Maybe she needs to start getting called out on her behavior.  She starts talking about her and her baby?  Someone could say "That's great, but we should really be focusing on caladpi right now.  This is her turn...".

Definitely this.  The OPs clarification changes things a little.  Personally I think it's selfish of her to use an event that's being organized and hosted for YOU by YOUR friends and family to announce HER news.  Especially a pregnancy.

If she had wanted to mention that she'd bought a house, had a new job, etc. that would be something different IMHO because the subject matter would be quite different from what the OP and her guests are going to be there celebrating. 

While you can hardly stop her from doing whatever she plans to do (short of suggesting you all get together over brunch instead, where she can then have all the limelight she wants), perhaps you could pass this info along to one of your hosts or a trusted friend, who can quickly refocus guests' attention after she makes her announcement as per EastCoastBride's suggestion above?

pnutg

Stina2012:

She must be a "Taylor"....for any Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fans out there. That girl can make anything about her and her life's tragedy.
Do your friends ever tell her this event/thing/dinner is not about you? I would just ignore her. If she says anything directly to you say "Congrats" and move along. These are the types of people I tend to stand on the other side of the room from at social events, the less I see them the less annoyed I am!

I laughed at the taylor reference. I agree.

caladpi02

markhamgurl:

EastCoastBride:

caladpi02:

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Maybe she needs to start getting called out on her behavior.  She starts talking about her and her baby?  Someone could say "That's great, but we should really be focusing on caladpi right now.  This is her turn...".

Definitely this.  The OPs clarification changes things a little.  Personally I think it's selfish of her to use an event that's being organized and hosted for YOU by YOUR friends and family to announce HER news.  Especially a pregnancy.

If she had wanted to mention that she'd bought a house, had a new job, etc. that would be something different IMHO because the subject matter would be quite different from what the OP and her guests are going to be there celebrating. 

While you can hardly stop her from doing whatever she plans to do (short of suggesting you all get together over brunch instead, where she can then have all the limelight she wants), perhaps you could pass this info along to one of your hosts or a trusted friend, who can quickly refocus guests' attention after she makes her announcement as per EastCoastBride's suggestion above?

Despite the fact that she asked me not to tell anyone so she could tell everyone herself (!!!!!!), I went ahead and told two of my friends that are not in the circle she and I share and they have told me they have no qualms refocusing the event if necessary.

I am hoping she does not make a production out of it, but considering her #2 is a girl, I am having a girl, we were sorority sisters and our mutual friends are sorority sisters of ours, I can see this turning into a big scene/conversation/etc. with lots of squeals over more little legacies and sisterhood.

Sigh. I was already dealing with mother/stepmother drama and now this. Thanks for the advice everyone.

Disneygeek77

Oh God, that has to be annoying to be friends with someone like that. 

JenBee74

You could take control of the situation and beat her to it. Happily raise a glass and "toast" to her spawn... "I'm so happy to announce that so and so is newly pregnant, congrats!" Steal her thunder and move on with YOUR celebration.

kimiandgary

JenBee74:

You could take control of the situation and beat her to it. Happily raise a glass and "toast" to her spawn... "I'm so happy to announce that so and so is newly pregnant, congrats!" Steal her thunder and move on with YOUR celebration.

 

Love this idea! 

papps101

A friend of mine "announced" she was expecting at my bridal shower. She definitely got side-eyed, especially since she was only like 8 weeks at the time, but in the end it was not a big deal. We all had a good time and everybody just congratulated her and moved on. I didn't feel like the attention got taken away from me... then again I was kind of grateful that some of the spotlight was not on me.

PunkyBooster

You can't tell her not to, but if you have friends like mine, people are going to side eye the hell out of her and talk all kinds of shiz behind her back. 

I imagine a convo going like this

Friend- So I'm preggers!

Us- Oh. Congrats. So, Caladpi, when is your next ultrasound?! Did you do the nursery yet? Did you choose a name yet?

Friend- "but, I'm preggers!"

Us- Hmmm. That's nice. Caladpi, would you like anything, can I get you some juice? Water? Sit down! Here, open a gift!! 

BeckyP005

::lurker stepping in::

That is so wrong. If I finally get PG and my friend did that I would be so sad/mad. I think I would freak out...lol. BTW you ladies here are hilarious. That ok to say?

::lurker stepping back out::

BallSox

Dude, thunderjack her thunderjacking!  Put up a sign congratulating on her pregnancy or as accidentally announce it yourself before she has a chance. 
"Just wait, now that you're pregnant, (Sally), you'll be huge and cranky just like the rest of us!"

Beyond that, honestly, I'd just side eye the hell out of her and even comment (loudly) about how weird it is that someone would need to be the center of the attention so badly as to try and take the spotlight off of the mom-to-be (esp if I was "just" family and had no moral obligation to the woman announcing her pregnancy. 

BeckyTheEngineer

I see that no one agrees with me, but I see this as a non issue.  Your friend is pregnant and now wants to tell mutual friends.  Does the entire room full of women need to spend the full shower talking only to you about your pregnancy?  It looks like your follow up post said that she already knows it is a girl, so she must be like 20 weeks if she knows that... so how big of a secret is this?  If anything, I think it was rude of you to tell other friends that she is pregnant, when she told you she wanted to share the news herself.  Yes, it could be that she is an attention hog who just wants to steal your thunder, in which case I would sort of wonder why you guys are friends.

lyndz1201

I have a family member who's famous for stealing everyone's "special" moments. I got engaged, she got engaged, we set our wedding date, she set her's 3 months after ours, we honeymooned in Italy, so did she, we got pregnant -due in June, she got pregnant -due in July......... get the picture? I can tell you most people see her for what she is. She couldn't have an original thought or idea if she tried.  It's your day so don't let her cast a shadow over your limelight.  Rise above it - don't stoop to her level. My mom tells me all the time to stop bending over backwards for her, instead lean forward so she can kiss your butt! Enjoy your shower and congratulations! =  )

ajhammermeister

mabenner1:

I think beyond her being an AW, I wouldn't stress it. No one will really care.

 

I nearly shot a sprite out my nose. I love this!  

rhubarb123

BeckyTheEngineer:

I see that no one agrees with me, but I see this as a non issue.  Your friend is pregnant and now wants to tell mutual friends.  Does the entire room full of women need to spend the full shower talking only to you about your pregnancy?  It looks like your follow up post said that she already knows it is a girl, so she must be like 20 weeks if she knows that... so how big of a secret is this?  If anything, I think it was rude of you to tell other friends that she is pregnant, when she told you she wanted to share the news herself.  Yes, it could be that she is an attention hog who just wants to steal your thunder, in which case I would sort of wonder why you guys are friends.

Umm...ya it looks like people do not agree with you.  this friend doesn't want to just tell mutual friends...she also wants to tell the guest of honor's FAMILY.  This is a friend/family shower.  The guest of honor's family most likely could care less if this person is pregnant.  It is really not a non-issue because she is basically "trying" to hijack the shower of a "friend". 

Unless she asked the OP to NOT tell anyone else I don't see a problem with her telling everyone she happens to come in contact with.  Obviously if someone says...it is a secret so don't tell anyone then I wouldn't...but if she just tells me she is going to "announce that she is pregnant" at MY shower I would beat her to the punch.  OP...make sure at least some of your family members knows what is going to be happening (possibly) and hopefully they will steer conversations back to you. 

I'm thinking it really won't disrupt things too much (hopefully your friends don't go all ga-ga over her).  My cousin brought her newborn to my shower (he was only 1 week old) but other then everyone saying how cute he was...she (and he) were basically ignored.  My family had already seen him, my DH's family could care less, and my friends didn't know her so didn't care either.

rpalen29

sounds like she wants all the spotlight on her. i'd side eye someone for doing that. Its your day; not hers, but there's really nothing you can do to stop her. i'm just wondering why did she have to say that to you? can't she just announce on facebook or something before or after the party??

PunkyBooster

BeckyTheEngineer:

I   It looks like your follow up post said that she already knows it is a girl, so she must be like 20 weeks if she knows that... so how big of a secret is this?  s.

Mmmm, no. There is testing done earlier from which you can find out that information.  

Anne1989

I don't think she'll be getting the positive talk like she expects she will.

smilormarie

Tell her no. She's just trying to steal your thunder.  Unless shes already so far along thats shes huge that everyone will assume anyway, there is no need for her to mention it and it sounds like she is early enough if she needs to still announce it.

My friend's shower is next weekend and after 2 yrs TTC she deserves all the attention on her. I'm waiting until a couple days after Her shower to tell her privately because there is a very important reason she needs to know even this early.

Adam&Eve2

EastCoastBride:

caladpi02:

My issue is that she has a tendency to hijack events-i.e. she spent one friend's bachelorette/lingerie shower talking about her bachelorette/lingerie shower the prior year. I am just put off, and I am highly doubtful she is going to be discreet.

Maybe she needs to start getting called out on her behavior.  She starts talking about her and her baby?  Someone could say "That's great, but we should really be focusing on caladpi right now.  This is her turn...".

I agree with this!  You don't have to be rude about it, but let her know that it's not okay. Does she even realize that she could be hurting someone's feelings with her behavior? 

mrskelly731

I think it depends on how she does it. I had a meet the baby party DD was 5 weeks early so we skipped the shower obviously...and one of my best friends announced her pregnancy at the very end when it was just the last few of us left. It was so awesome for us all to be there and share in her excitement.

Bk3259

If she plans to clink her glass and get everyone's attention, that is terrible.  But, if all she will be doing is making small talk with people while eating/socializing and mentions it in passing, no big deal.  It's bound to come up if people say "What's new with you?"  Hopefully, she is tactful about how she presents it.  Odd that she "warned" you, however.  Makes me think she is not tactful.

mandymogusar

Okay, personally, I'd tell her to shove it and wait, but I dealt with a friend like that for a long while who was an AW. Since I told her off I can't stand people like that. If she already knows it's a girl then she is already big enough to tell so there is no need for her to 'announce' it at all. There are some who are saying 'you can't tell her not to', I disagree, you can tell her that it's your day and you wont stand for her attention seeking topping attitude....Of course I'm known to be a b!tch about things....

JMCCLAIN6

I was surprised when I read this!  How irritating to have a "friend" that thinks this is ok. Totally agree with the above comment, however, wouldn't be too worried about it. Like most posts say, people will think SHE'S ridiculous. It will be clear to everyone what she's trying to do (move the attention to her) and she will definitely end up looking silly. Plus, you're the one with the beautiful, round belly that people are there to see : )  Sorry you have to deal with this. Try to just enjoy your shower and DON'T give her announcement too much attention. Guests will get the message and bring the focus back to you, where it should be.

caladpi02

Well, I told two of my friends that she was planning on doing this, which then spread to one of the mutual friends who told her not to say a word. Apparently my friend was pissed that mutual friend was told and not by her.

Her solution to all of this? Emailed me asking me please to not say anything at another mutual friend's shower in two weeks as there are going to be more mutual friends there that she would like to tell that were unable to make my shower (including that shower's MTB) and clearly it has to be in person. This is also a friends+family shower and is smaller than mine.

Our mutual friends that now know are all wondering why she can't just email and tell people, because, as we all know, no one cares as much as you do. As I mentioned before, this group of friends are college friends and we see each other several times a month and email a ton and all live in the same city.

For the people that asked, no, she is not showing. She just had the NT scan and was told it was likely a girl.