Bad behavior at DC

JennJenn613

So it seems that DS1 is a bit of a terror at DC. We have gotten incident reports of him hitting, biting, pushing kids down, hitting his teachers in the face, poking kids in the eye (!), etc. At home he does NONE of this except the VERY rare hit out of frustration, for which he gets an immediate time out.

I know some amount of hitting is normal for toddlers and it's probably just a phase. The teachers don't seem particularly concerned (they've said he's usually provoked), but I am scared to death of getting kicked out of this DC we love.

Is there anything I can do to help him get through this?

He's only 2.5 and he is a few months behind on language, so I'm never sure how much he really understands. Tonight he wanted a treat after dinner and I told him no because he was naughty at school, and explained that we don't hit or push our friends. I explained a couple times (concisely) but I don't know if he understood, and it's probably way too much to expect him to remember to be good tomorrow so he can get a treat.

Sorry for rambling, but does anyone have advice on 2-year-old misbehavior at DC?

brettsmama

My son was having behavior problems at dc too when he was about 2 or 2.5 y/o. If the behavior is provoked, there needs to be a discussion about how to prevent the provocation. It's not acceptable to allow the provocation but expect him to do nothing in return. For my son, a lot of the behavior was because of his frustration from not being able to communicate well. We taught him sign language for his basic needs and it helped his frustration level dramatically. Also, I think kids with delayed speech understand far more than they can speak. However, I think the no treat because of school behavior probably won't help because the events were too far apart to truly relate one to the other. Last, see what the dc is doing for correction, if timeouts work at home, maybe they'll work there too. Keep working with the dc, if they see you care, are involved and want to resolve the problem, they likely won't kick him out. Good luck

laxkal23

2 years old is way too young for delayed consequences.i teach 1st grade and find that it is not effective with most 6year olds either. Children really don't start to be able to understand this till between 7 & 9 years old. In order to stop the problem 1) day care needs to impose the consequence immediately but then when that's done it's done (otherwise you risk confusing LO. No treat after diner they are trying to figure out what they did a dinner). 2) if the child is being provoked you can find out in wat ways and help the child by acting out and modeling these scenarios at home. Make it light and fun (let's play pretend) and show your child through pretend the right way to respond.

Virgo17

I agree with PP comments.  It sounds like he may be frustrated and hasn't found an acceptable way to express that.  I also wouldn't punish him at home for behavior at school, it is not immediate enough to have any impact. 

Is he able to communicate well?  Is it possible that he is getting overstimulated?

jlaOK

brettsmama:

My son was having behavior problems at dc too when he was about 2 or 2.5 y/o. If the behavior is provoked, there needs to be a discussion about how to prevent the provocation. It's not acceptable to allow the provocation but expect him to do nothing in return. For my son, a lot of the behavior was because of his frustration from not being able to communicate well. We taught him sign language for his basic needs and it helped his frustration level dramatically. Also, I think kids with delayed speech understand far more than they can speak. However, I think the no treat because of school behavior probably won't help because the events were too far apart to truly relate one to the other. Last, see what the dc is doing for correction, if timeouts work at home, maybe they'll work there too. Keep working with the dc, if they see you care, are involved and want to resolve the problem, they likely won't kick him out. Good luck

I completely agree with this, especially the bolded.  I think that teaching him some signs is a really great idea.  You might schedule a meeting with the teacher to come up with a game plan that can be implemented at both school and home (although home will just be practice since he doens't act out much there).

JennJenn613

He does speak, he's just behind. At home he says "no" etc. when we do something he doesn't like, but at DC I guess the response is hitting.

I agree that I can't really do much at home (though I like the modeling idea). I did buy some books ("Hands Are Not For Hitting" and so on) to try.

It's stressing me out to get these terrible behavior reports and not be able to do anything. I'm trying to have DH talk to the teachers and find out more about what's going on and how they're responding to his misbehavior. I'm a little concerned at how violence can happen in one day... it sounds like Toddler Thunderdome in there.

JWSchwarz

I think you just need a behavior plan with the teachers. They should note the circumstances of the incident, pull him aside and tell him what he is doing is wrong, etc.

also don't ever use food as a behavior tool. It's just a bad idea for a lot of reasons.