Am I being unreasonable?--DH Vent!

fennyann

Ok, please tell me if I'm being a total brat. But..DH has been rubbing me the wrong way this week. I feel like our house is a total disaster. All I need is a little help getting things cleaned and organized. But, DH feels that he would rather use his extra time to play around on the computer and watch TV. Today was the last straw for me and i snapped...I hate to say it but I did. First off,I have not been feeling well the past 3 days and have barely got an sleep. Secondly, I am confined to a desk with a headset on, listening to people b!tch and moan about their health insurance. Today was NOT a good day at work. DH was home before I was...there was a sink full of dishes, babys bottles needed washed and 2 baskets of laundry on the living room floor. And he's watching Youtube videos online. I was soooo ticked. He's usually not like this but I have no idea what his deal is this week. I'm exhausted and sick of asking for his help. And to top it off, he now magically doesn't feel well himself. He decided to go to bed 40 minutes ago....

I just exploded...and I wished I wouldn't have...I don't want my LO to have to deal with this as he gets older.  I'm frustrated and need a glass of wine...

kateraid

If my DH was lazy like that I would do my own laundry/dishes etc and let him see his own mess until he realized. That's super annoying.

katigox

kateraid:

If my DH was lazy like that I would do my own laundry/dishes etc and let him see his own mess until he realized. That's super annoying.

My DH actually does this to me (I suck at doing dishes - but am great with everything else).  I learn real quick how big that pile gets when I'm the mess maker . . . he'll learn, too.  So I definitely second this advice!  

kieannb

My DH needs to be reminded that things need to be done. I think they have a one track mind and house work doesn't usually fall into their thinking. It frustrates me beyond belief.. See early post of me venting about DH.. He's awesome when I say, hey can you do this, this needs to get done today.. Usually he gets it done.. Sometimes I need to remind him multiple times, but it still gets done.

iggywan

No. Not unreasonable. I totally get it.

 

Go have that wine.. I hope it is a good bottle. 

143BabyCakes

kateraid:

If my DH was lazy like that I would do my own laundry/dishes etc and let him see his own mess until he realized. That's super annoying.

I am currently doing this. Started Sunday. SO couldn't find a clean work shirt this morning

BarooGirl

MandJS:

Okay, so... yes. I think you're being unreasonable. You both work. You both have a new baby. Just like you're tired, so is your spouse. He needs down time, too. You need to let some of the house cleaning go. Seriously. It's just not worth it. You will both be better off being rested and having some down time. 

When you are both calm, rested, and healthy, maybe talk to your DH about a compromise, if it's really that important to you. E.g., every day he does 30 minutes of "cleaning" - loading/unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, whatever. But seriously? I feel like I have this problem with my DH sometimes, but when I step back and look at the bigger picture, I realize HOW MUCH my DH actually does. In my situation, he does all the grocery shopping. He organizes the pantry. He does the bills. He takes care of the dog. He makes sure the house is "functioning" (e.g., small home repairs, etc.) He shovels snow and mows the lawn. Etc. Etc. Etc. I would bet your DH is actually doing things and you're just not registering because they aren't the things you see. Does that make sense? For me, I don't "see" the stuff my DH does because it's just done. It's behind the scenes stuff (like making sure the pantry is stocked or the lightbulbs get replaced or whatever). Dishes stack up and those are visible. But that doesn't make the non-visible things any less important or necessary. DH and I made a list once of all the things we each think we do. I hate to admit it, but he was doing more than I was, and yet, I was the one always complaining that he didn't do anything!

I get this. I get it because I am the same way. I find myslef getting irritated because there are things that need to be done and we both arent great at doing them --or they would be done.

DH does do a lot and so do I. There are just a few things that our "joint chores" that we both overlook or hate doing. Mostly kitchen clean up.

I have started asking and it is working. I also sometimes lay out "the plans" and he helps out. "I need to pump and then clean up the dishes..." He usually offers to do the dishes after that.

And on the weekends I just say that when Audrey takes her nap we are having a power cleaning session. We see how much we can get done during her nap. Which usually includes a quickie afterwards... Men can be trained and cleaning can be funish

fennyann

MandJS:

BarooGirl:

MandJS:

Okay, so... yes. I think you're being unreasonable. You both work. You both have a new baby. Just like you're tired, so is your spouse. He needs down time, too. You need to let some of the house cleaning go. Seriously. It's just not worth it. You will both be better off being rested and having some down time. 

When you are both calm, rested, and healthy, maybe talk to your DH about a compromise, if it's really that important to you. E.g., every day he does 30 minutes of "cleaning" - loading/unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, whatever. But seriously? I feel like I have this problem with my DH sometimes, but when I step back and look at the bigger picture, I realize HOW MUCH my DH actually does. In my situation, he does all the grocery shopping. He organizes the pantry. He does the bills. He takes care of the dog. He makes sure the house is "functioning" (e.g., small home repairs, etc.) He shovels snow and mows the lawn. Etc. Etc. Etc. I would bet your DH is actually doing things and you're just not registering because they aren't the things you see. Does that make sense? For me, I don't "see" the stuff my DH does because it's just done. It's behind the scenes stuff (like making sure the pantry is stocked or the lightbulbs get replaced or whatever). Dishes stack up and those are visible. But that doesn't make the non-visible things any less important or necessary. DH and I made a list once of all the things we each think we do. I hate to admit it, but he was doing more than I was, and yet, I was the one always complaining that he didn't do anything!

I get this. I get it because I am the same way. I find myslef getting irritated because there are things that need to be done and we both arent great at doing them --or they would be done.

DH does do a lot and so do I. There are just a few things that our "joint chores" that we both overlook or hate doing. Mostly kitchen clean up.

I have started asking and it is working. I also sometimes lay out "the plans" and he helps out. "I need to pump and then clean up the dishes..." He usually offers to do the dishes after that.

And on the weekends I just say that when Audrey takes her nap we are having a power cleaning session. We see how much we can get done during her nap. Which usually includes a quickie afterwards... Men can be trained and cleaning can be funish

No no no. Weekend naps are for family naps.  

haha. Thank Ladies. AF is about to rear her ugly head...could be the reason for the bitchinesssss.