Wille's secret got me thinking... — The Bump
Success after IF

Wille's secret got me thinking...

I have everything I have ever wanted.  I have an amazing husband, a gorgeous daughter who is everything I ever wanted and more.  And yet, at 6 months, I feel like we are still in survival mode.  I feel like I am barely making it.  I enjoy every minute I spend with E.  But I still cry most nights in the shower because I'm just so tired, and I constantly worry that I'm not doing it right.  I am stressed all the time.  As much as I want another LO (or several more!) and my doctor suggested sooner is better than later, the thought of another one right now terrifies the crap out of me.  Even the littlest things still seem so hard.  Like trying to get out of the house to get a pedicure is a monumental task.  There's no way I could handle pregnancy and another LO right now.  So what gives?  Should it be easier by now?  Am I just terrible at this?  Am I not cut out to have more than one?  Or is this normal?

Sorry to be so whiny on a hump day morning.  But MH and I had a very serious talk last night, and now I'm doubting myself.  I thought I was doing okay, but he's not sure if my feelings are normal are not.  How do you know?  What is normal?

TTC with PCOS since November 2009
IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
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Re: Wille's secret got me thinking...

  • you are totally normal!! at 6 months you are just getting used to a whole new lifestyle and living on little sleep! I certainly didnt want my post to make you feel bad! It is still hard for me too, I just love chaos.  you are right were you should be in your feelings, i dont think its normal to want to get pregnant when your baby is 6 months old, you are probably more normal than me!! There are days when I want to cry because I have to leave the house with the kids and just the thought of leaving stresses me out! you arent being whiny girl, you're being honest and there is nothing wrong with that! give it a few more months to get a little easier and i am sure you will feel differently. hoping you have a good hump day!
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    TTC since 2005
    missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
    3 failed femara iui cycles-
    moving on to IVF oct 2011
    ER nov. 7th
    tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
    lots of +hpt!!
    beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
    beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
    another miscarriage 12/23
    moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
    ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
    ET 4/28 3 transfered
    Beta #1- 356
    Beta #2- 870

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  • Totally normal TJ, try not to be so hard on yourself.  You are doing a great job trying to balance working outside of the home & taking care of your new family.  It is hard & six months out or sixteen months, we all have those days when you are filled with self doubt & wonder if you could ever handle more that what you have.  In a "normal" situation I don't think most new moms would be thinking about adding to their family when their LO is six months old but when IF is at the back of your mind it changes your perspective & it doesn't always allow you the luxury to wait a few years.  Some things get easier as time goes on but there are always new challenges along the road when raising your LO.  Cyber hugs going your way!
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  • I think that it is normal to not want to have another baby when you're only 6 months out of having one.  However, I don't know if crying in the shower every night is normal either.  I know that living on little sleep and being stressed is normal at this stage, but I do think that you might want to talk to someone about crying every night.  Have you been crying every day for a while?  Perhaps it isn't PPD, but more like PP anxiety (ie, not doing things right, constantly worrying, etc). You might be crying not because you're sad or depressed, but because you are overwhelmed. 

    For me, I knew that I had PP anxiety when I would worry about things that weren't rational.  I hate to use that word, but I think that helped me identify it.  When I would worry about things that were irrational and would keep me up at night, I realized that I needed help.  Granted, I also had all the drama (which didn't help), but I went on Zoloft for about 4-5 months and it really helped me "reset".  I was on it from June through the end of October. 

    Either way, we're here to support you and help you! 

    TTC Since July 2008.
    Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
    Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
    Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
    IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
    9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
    FET 1 3/2013 BFN
    FET 2 5/2013 BFN
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  • I'm sorry you feel like you're struggling. 

    I'm similar to Willie in that I love choas and need to be busy all of the time so I would welcome another baby with open arms right now even though both of my kids are under 2!  Not everyone is like that and that's okay. 

    I do agree with DrRx though.  If you feel like your feelings are getting out of control maybe it would be better to talk to someone about it.  I had HORRIBLE anxiety after having DS - I worried about the kids getting hurt all of the time.  I would literally have panic attacks that I would have to talk myself out of before getting into the car with them, etc.  I felt awful until I stopped breastfeeding and my hormones got back to my "normal."  Looking back I wish I would have talked to someone about it instead of suffering for 6 + months the way that I did. 

     Hang in there momma.  You're doing just fine. 

    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13



  • image DrRx:

    I think that it is normal to not want to have another baby when you're only 6 months out of having one.  However, I don't know if crying in the shower every night is normal either.  I know that living on little sleep and being stressed is normal at this stage, but I do think that you might want to talk to someone about crying every night.  Have you been crying every day for a while?  Perhaps it isn't PPD, but more like PP anxiety (ie, not doing things right, constantly worrying, etc). You might be crying not because you're sad or depressed, but because you are overwhelmed. 

    For me, I knew that I had PP anxiety when I would worry about things that weren't rational.  I hate to use that word, but I think that helped me identify it.  When I would worry about things that were irrational and would keep me up at night, I realized that I needed help.  Granted, I also had all the drama (which didn't help), but I went on Zoloft for about 4-5 months and it really helped me "reset".  I was on it from June through the end of October. 

    Either way, we're here to support you and help you! 

    I agree with a lot of this. I had PPA and it helped to talk to someone. I also took Lexapro for awhile. At the very least you might want to talk to a professional. Hang in there mama. You are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  


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  • Thank you all for your kind words and your wisdom. I think there might be something to the PP anxiety idea. I have had anxiety issues in the past, but when I attempted to find someone to talk to after my mc and about IF issues in general, my insurance didn't cover it. It has been a couple of years so I will try again. Hopefully after my long talk with MH last night, the extra support will help me out.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
     image
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPicimage
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    imageimageimage
  • I agree with the PPs that seeking help for the crying would be good for you. I've never had anxiety, but when pg with DS2 I was very stressed and hormonal and made DH go to couple's counseling with me. (And now that I think about it, I made my parents go to counseling with me when I was pg with DS1. I had some unresolved issues from growing up with a special needs sister and the pg hormones and the worry about what would happen with her interactions with my baby, my parents etc. ) Anyway, I think that having someone to talk to is very, very beneficial.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that you are working full time. I don't cry in the shower, but when my kids were 6 mo. old there was no where I needed to be at any time. Didn't matter when I showed up at the grocery store, so my stress level was greatly reduced. I think I would be a not so great mom, and not as patient, if I had to get everyone up and dressed and out the door in the morning and get to two different places at certain times. That is a monumental effort in my opinion, and I say God bless all the working moms who can pull that off everyday and live to tell.

    Also, take what your dr is saying with a grain of salt. Deep down I feel like all REs have a little bit of the used car salesman in them. Of course he will encourage you to come back asap, then he'll get money from you sooner! Know what you are capable of. I knew I would be no good as a 2u2 mom. I'd frankly prefer a 3 yr spacing between kids, but felt pressured this last time since I'm AMA. Don't feel rushed to go back for treatment sooner than your heart is ready. :)

    Married 9-4-04

    ***PM me for my IF history***

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