August 2011 Moms

This AE is Necessary

So, despite being a regular, I am using an AE. Not for my own sake, but for the privacy of my family. Since I am on here so often, can I ask that you please not call me out on here via my "real" name? I need the anonymity. 

I am in a baaad way. There have been a lot of family issues lately and last night a few of them came to a head.  

My brother confessed to me that he has been injecting heroin and smoking methamphetamines, in addition to doing every other drug known to man. I have long since known he was an addict, but I was unaware of how far gone he had become.

Guys, I am literally despondent. I can't eat. I didn't sleep all night. Our parents don't know and the burden of this secret is too heavy for my shoulders. I have reached out to my spiritual care counselor, as well as someone in recovery who has reached out to my brother.

You don't mess around with heroin. I know he is near or at is rock bottom, but all it takes is once to die from heroin. He has lost four friends in four months, all under the age of 21.

I can't see out of my hole of despair today.  My relationship with Jesus Christ is helping, but honestly, I feel like I have been hit by a train. And then that train backed up. I simply cannot shake this grief. 

Totally one of the Top 5 Worst Moments of My Life.  

Re: This AE is Necessary

  • HUGS... You did the right thing by reaching out for help. 

     I hope you can find peace in the situation as well.

  • If I was really worried over my bothers life, I would say screw it, and tell someone who can help him.  Even if that was the cops to get him arrested to stop him. Better him mad at me for life than dead.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Loading the player...
  • I'm so so sorry you are dealing with this. You definitely did the right thing by asking for help. You can't deal with this alone. I have struggles with my sister (different type) but I understand the burden and pain it can bring. Keep asking for help! Don't go through this alone. Thoughts and prayers. 
  • imagecountrywed:
    If I was really worried over my bothers life, I would say screw it, and tell someone who can help him.  Even if that was the cops to get him arrested to stop him. Better him mad at me for life than dead.

    What she said.

    Not to invalidate your desire to protect your brother from backlash and judgement, but this is dangerous beyond anything.  It really is a life or death situation, and, now that you know, I feel as if the best thing you can do is to get him help ASAP or he could die.  You are right - it only takes one OD.  Just one.  One bad night.  If it were my brother I would spend about 2.5 seconds debating with myself and then call whoever I needed to call to separate him from his environment as quickly as possible.

    Since I'm in Florida (if I were in your shoes) I'd have him taken into custody under the Baker Act - just in case he wasn't inebriated or in possession at the time - and they'd know within hours that he was an addict.  He'd be in custody at a mental rehabilitation facility, and then court-ordered to a drug rehabilitation facility, and probably placed in jail for a while, or probation at least.  He'd probably hate me forever, but better that than dead.

    image
    // I love you too. //

  • imagecountrywed:
    If I was really worried over my bothers life, I would say screw it, and tell someone who can help him.  Even if that was the cops to get him arrested to stop him. Better him mad at me for life than dead.

    As blunt as this is and as hard as it would be to do, this is exactly what you need to do.  You can't beat this yourself and he told you which in my eyes means he wants help, but doesn't know how to get it.

    He'll likely get mad at you, but he'll get over it.  What he won't get over is an OD if it happens.  Quite frankly, I don't think you would either.  I couldn't live with knowing I had the information to help someone, but didn't do it because I was worried about their reaction.

    Good luck ((hugs)) 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • The fact that your brother confessed to you indicates to me that he cares about you and is reaching out for help.  Otherwise addicts are pretty much content to get high and stay withdrawn.  They say in AA the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem.  Sounds like he just took the first step, whether it was his concious intent or not. 

    The problem with heroin usage is it doesn't take long to develop physical withdrawal.  Most of the addicts I've known don't keep shooting up to get high, at that point it's simply to avoid getting sick.  He's going to need a hardcore inpatient detox program and a really strong support network throughout outpatient. 

    Has he attempted treatment before?  Are your folks nearby?  I don't think it's fair for you to take on all of the burden.  Your parents deserve to know the truth, not so that they can worry or stress (they will) but so that they can understand how they can be of utmost support to him in a time of need.  It sounds like you guys would benefit from looking into Al-Anon or other support groups for family & friends of addicts.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker imageimage image
  • No advice, but sending prayers your way.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

  • The fact that he came to you and told you this probably means that he wants help or is getting ready to want help.  You were right to reach out to members that you know/hope can help. 

    Coming from someone who has dealt with addiction in my family if you push to hard they will run.  You need to understand that this takes time and lots and lots of paticients on your part.  Be there for him when he needs the tough love and DO NOT enable him.  No money. no couch to sleep on ect. 

    I hope everything works out and I hope your brother finds his peace.  Keep your faith strong.  Hopefully your brother comes around soon.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagetandb2010:

    The fact that he came to you and told you this probably means that he wants help or is getting ready to want help.  You were right to reach out to members that you know/hope can help. 

    I truly agree with this, and what countrywed said.  I'm so sorry you are dealing with this situation, I hope your brother can get the help he needs.  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • I will try to answer as many people as best I can. I was purposefully vague in the part about the person who reached out to my brother because this post is not about him, really, but it is about me and how I am feeling. They teach you in Al-anon to not "make it about you" but when you love an addict, you are diseased, too. This post was mainly about the chance for me to bend someone's ear, in hopes of finding some encouragement. 

    I was not looking for advice, though I appreciate everyone's nice intentions.

    As for my brother, I have contacted the most able people I know to help me in helping him. He already has legal troubles, and while it may seem black and white from the brief description I gave, these professionals will vouch for me that it is not as simple as having him arrested, running to tell my parents, etc. I'm not sure about the law someone referened earlier, but having someone involuntarily committed can have ramifications later, and it is not so simple in the state I live in now, or our prior states (his and mine.)

    Also, and I cannot stress this enough, court-ordered or family-demanded rehab is NOT the answer. People do not stop doing drugs until they either die, or they grow tired of the exhaustion this life leads to. Most people who are in recovery will tell you addiction is a disease, and that the worst part is that it is a spiritual disease. I can't force him to get clean, my parents can't force him, and having him thrown in jail will only ensure that he is using dirty needles. 

    The person who is helping him is not only in recovery themselves (and therefore able to relate to his struggle), but this person is far enough in their recovery to aid people in theirs. My brother has already texted with this person and told me when I saw him earlier that he was considering meeting up. Prior to all this, I took measures to research facilities he could go to, and my liason has resources as well.  He had expressed to my mom wanting to go to rehab and she was going to check his insurance, and we both researched counselors for him today. She is aware he is an addict but not to the extent that this problem has reached. 

    Also, the plan was never to keep my parents permanently in the dark. There are other issues at play that have made it so that both people I have turned to for help, have suggested I wait a brief amount of time so that my brother can make the decision on his own. Next is the tough love. A plan is in place. Please believe me when I say that my worst nightmare is thinking my brother will die, and I will have to live knowing I knew what he was doing and 1. couldn't help him, and 2. didn't tell anyone. A natural reaction would to blame me, or to think they could've done something. But if that were true, and it really was something we could change, all our plrayers, begging, pleading and offering help over the years would've stopped this in its tracks long ago. Oh how I wish it were that simple.  

    Thank you Ladies, I am glad I could get this out. Sorry if I came across as rude or unappreciative...with this painful topic it is hard to convey tone via written word.  

  • Hugs, please know we're all here for you. You can always reach out to us if you need to talk.

    I will be sending thoughts and prayers to your family. Your brother has to make the decision to get clean and get help. Just remember, as hard as it is, only he can change himself.

    Again, so many hugs, we are here for you.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I cannot claim to know anything about the situation you are in but I will gladly lend you an ear or a shoulder. ::hugs::
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickersimage
    imageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Farewell, nesticle, you will be missed
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
  • We have been there with my BIL. 19 years old and 5 kids in town dead from heroin overdoes in a matter of weeks. Still now heroin is everywhere around here because is so cheap compared to oxy pot and pills. BIL got into a rehab in PA from NY he had to want to be there and it took months for him to realize. He's been clean for 2 years now. Went from rehab to military whole other story. As far as money and rehabs they have programs. BIL was able to go to one for cheap on assistance through my H's job. Good luck.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"