Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
DH wants to try for a baby girl
We have a 15month old little boy, and DH wants to try for a baby girl....how soon is too soon? How do I know when it's time and if we are really ready for another child?? I'm a very strict parent and teach my son dicipline but we never hit, it's frowned upon and ppl tell us we shouldn't have more children....I do want more children, I'm just not sure if we are ready or not...please help, TIA!
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Re: DH wants to try for a baby girl
Things like "don't grab that" or "don't play there", people say I should let him do what he wants because he is little, but if I don't show him right from wrong now when will he learn?
I also removed him from his baby tub when he started standing and walking on his own, and we are slowly taking away the bottles and substituting it with sippy cups...
i never knew that was bad?
No its not because its frowned upon, we dont hit because we don't think it's necessary, everyone has different parenting styles and we respect that. I am the youngest of 4 sibling and the last to have children so everyone does feel like they have more 'experience' than I...
but about the discipline they say I want him to grow up to fast, and I just needed some help an "out of the family" opinion, about it....I also sing the ABC's to him and the numbers and tell him about his eyes, ears, p nose, mouth...
im a first time mommy I guess I'm just scared ill d things wrong?
i think this is really a personal decision. if you can afford a second child, and both of you want one, and are in a stable place with your lo now, i say go for it.
we tossed around the idea when dd was 9 months but i was on the fence and didnt feel ready. in november, i literally woke up one morning and realized how much i wanted a second one. so we have been ttc #2 since november, and dd1 is 16 months.
I agree with PP that nothing you are describing in terms of discipline sounds wrong (it was just how you described it in the original post).
It's up to you and DH when to have another - but I would make sure that you are ready and on board - because going through it once - you know the toll it takes.
this. I understand this if you were on like your 3rd or 4th child and they were all boys and you were going to "try for a girl," but even then, it's strange as no amount of trying has anything to do with it.
If I were you I would take into consideration:
1. what happens if it's a boy?
2. your relationship with DH.
IMO babies are a huge committment and responsibility and shouldn't be brought into the world just simply because of "we wanted a girl/boy" or any other reason othere then because they are truely wanted. Our LO was a complete handful and still is, and people (my family) thought I was crazy when I told them that we were having another because of the struggling we have been through with DS. But DH and I know that our relationship is strong enough to support and love for more children no matter the level of difficulty and we want more children. Other than those factors, we didn't really discuss "a good time" to have them.
Goodness! I hope you can find some supportive friends to make up for the yammering family members! I definitely started telling my DS that it was not okay to bite mommy, hit her, pinch her, etc. before he was 15 months! He has managed to come out of the hitting phase for the most part and is almost 18 months - phew! It is just something that has to be said over and over again!
When it comes to having a second child, I think it is so important to pray about it! My DH and I conceived our second (due in 8 weeks) when DS was 11 months old. I had put a lot of prayer and logical thought behind wanting to post-pone for longer (I was trying to use NFP, but DH was being a child about it). I had several health issues that I was not seeking help for, including exhaustion from doing the littlest things. I was not getting any time to myself to work out, get my hair done, get a massage, zip! It had really started wearing me down emotionally and mentally. That is not even mentioning the severe issues we were having in our marriage!
Sooo, needless to say, I was quite against having another child until we could get things under control and get into a better place in our lives. BUT my DH just really wanted DS to have a little brother or sister. I tried talking to him a few times about what kind of stress that would put on me, asked him to pray about it and see what God was saying, etc. Long story short, I caved to his rather selfish wishes and he has had hell to pay for it since. Our relationship is still pretty terrible, I pretty much never want to have sex with him... he is an official work-a-holic. Even when he could have a day off, he volunteers to work. He had New Year's Eve off and maybe one Sunday this month. Yups. And I'm due in 8 weeks and have been having to clean and get everything organized by myself. He suuuure wanted another baby alright!
Lesson for you to learn - Both of you need to pray about it, together and apart. Talk about it a lot. Are you happy with your life right now? Are you both getting some time to yourselves each week/every other week? Are you getting a weekly date night or lunch together? Have you considered placing your DS into a mother's day out program a couple times each week once baby arrives? What does that expense look like? Can you financially handle another baby - prenatal care, delivery costs, etc.? Are you at a good place physically/health wise to handle having another baby? LASTLY, are you prepared to have another boy vs. desired girl?
Btw - cloth diapering can save loads of money when it comes to having 2 in diapers!
Hope all those questions give you and your DH some things to really think about! Best of luck to you!
Thanks so much for all your replies, and DH and I have since this post been talking more about trying for another baby...I have mentioned The comments to him about 50/50 the baby being a boy and he says he just wants another child...DS is the youngest in our families, his cousins ages ranging from 12 to 4 so that is his argument, that DS has no one to play with...I wouldn't mind waiting, because looking at it financially we aren't in a very stable place at the moment. What with the prenatal care and expenses afterwards, children are happiness, but they are also very expensive! So we have come to the conclusion that we should wait until DS is off diapers
Thanks again fellow mommies!! I really appreciate all your comments, advise, and feedback