I'm posting here because I can't talk to DH about it IRL. His grandfather is not doing well at all right now, and there's a decent chance he will pass soon. It's so very sad, and after 12 years with DH and knowing his whole family this whole time my heart is heavy about this, too. My ILS are driving up to see DHs grandparents right now.
I'm afraid to ask DH what he'll do if his grandfather passes away in the next few days. I know it would totally break his heart not to go and be with his family and I know they would be heartbroken, too, but I personally really can not risk going so far from home after already making it farther in this pg than my previous one, and I would be SO stressed out if DH drove 6 hours away without me. The logistics of trying to get DD to my parents, then myself to the hospital, and then delivering all alone....
I feel so selfish even worrying about this, but I just feel awful that DH might be put in this position. I assume he would choose not to go, but I'm scared that he would ask me what I think he should do and I REALLY don't want to be the one to make that decision, even though I feel like there is a clear answer.
So sad.
Re: Selfish worry. DH's grandpa ill...
I was in a really similar situation just a couple weeks ago. My grandfather passed away on the 7th, but we didn't know even a few days before if it was going to be days or weeks before he went and I was terrified that my mom was going to be dealing with funeral arrangements and her father's death at the same time I was going to be delivering. It is completely guilt-inducing, and you hate feeling like "why is this happening now?" but you do feel that way.
Is there any way someone from your family - your mom and dad, siblings, some good friends - could come stay with you if your husband needs to go be with his family? That way, if you happened to go into labor while he was gone, there would be people with you if he didn't make it back in time.
I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. I hope everything works out the way it should, whatever that is.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
You've probably already considered this, but do you have friends or neighbors nearby who can help you? I know it's terrifying to think of him gone while the baby is being born, but maybe you can find a Plan B? Can someone come in to stay with you while he's gone?
Regardless, I would definitely have this conversation with him, because it may be a legitimate fear in his mind as well, but it's not easy to talk about. He may be wondering what to do as well because he will likely not want to risk missing his child's birth.
ETA: Maybe your parents can come to you, instead of you going to them, and one can stay with your daughter while the other takes you to the hospital?
I'm really sorry that you even have to worry about this and your family is in my T&P.
My advice may kind of suck, but if it were me I would not address it until it's an actual issue where a decision HAS to be made. You have no way of knowing God's plan for either your child's birthday or DH's grandpa's day of death. All you can really do now is wait in both cases. If his grandfather does pass you could be at a multitude of places in this whole thing. You may be in labor, you may have a newborn, who knows. DH is a smart man I'm sure and I would be willing to bet he wants to miss his child's birth about as much as you want him to. If it comes to making that decision and he won't make it on his own, gently tell him your feelings. It's not selfish, and I don't think his family or his grandfather would want him to miss the birth of his child to comfort them. He's already had a lifetime with his grandfather, this is the beginning of his lifetime with LO.
I don't think it's inconsiderate at all to talk about what you would do if he passes around the time of delivery.
I will be praying for your DH, his grandpa, and his family. DH lost his grandma last month and I lost my step-grandpa a few weeks ago. It's never easy
Thanks ladies. The only people we have nearby are my parents. I'm sure I could get DD to their place or have them pick us up without much trouble (they are close to the hospital) but my dad isn't capable of caring for DD by himself so I wouldn't be able to have my mom with me during labor if DH was gone and I would NOT want my father there. The only other person in the world I would want there is my BFF but her newborn is in the NICU right now so obviously she is not available. I could give birth alone but for obvious reasons would rather not.
I sort of casually brought it up over lunch and he said, "They're 6 hours away.... it seems kind of far." and then just waited. Truthfully, I think he wants me to tell him what to do, but I don't think that's fair. It's his baby, too, and I don't feel like I should be the one either telling him he can't go, or giving him permission to possibly miss the birth of his baby. This is very like him, though, to just wait and see if I will force the decision. I am not enjoying this stress right now....
I'm fine with having a discussion about it, but I'm not ok with him just sitting quietly and waiting for me to make a call which is exactly what I think he would try to make happen.
I'm so sorry for your situation and hope for all the best for your husbands Grandfather.
I'd be willing to bet every one of your concerns are the same as your husbands right now. If something were to happen at the same time (which it might not and I hope it won't) there will never be an answer which satisfies all the needs of all parties. Obviously for you it is best if he is there with you, and you don't have to feel guilty that is your main priority and concern. It should be. But in the end, you are right, it needs to be his choice as he is the one who would be sacrificing one over the other and he has to come to terms and peace with whatever he chooses. I wish you and your family all the best.