new baby, deployment, new house, toddler..... — The Bump
Military Families

new baby, deployment, new house, toddler.....

hey all!  i was on this board a longggg time ago when i first got pregnant with my daughter and it helped a lot, i am back now, with a second pregnancy, and looking for a bit of advice.  my 2nd is due september and hubby is set to deploy sometime afterwards, very soon afterwards.... we just bought a house here in colorado, and I am from new york.... my questions is, would you go home???  i know quite a few women that go home during deployments, this will be our first deployment as a family, my daughter is two and i'll have a newborn as well, and just got here so i really dont have anyone (friends/family) for help.  i'm a teeny worried about leaving a house for about 9 months.  has anyone done that before?  just thinking ahead, i will be a SAHM bc daycare is not a financial option for two kids.  thoughts?  pros? cons?

(sorry, i know thats a lot in one question lol)

thanks in advance for all your encouragement and help :)))

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Re: new baby, deployment, new house, toddler.....

  • imageAFwifelife:

    It really is your personal decision on whether you want to go home or not.  For me, I wouldn't.  My mom is great but I would be more worried about my MIL.  DH is going to be here after we have our 1st (also due in Sept.) but even if he wasn't I wouldn't even think about going back home.  My mom is already planning to come out when the baby is born to help out for the first 2 weeks.  After she leaves, I have friends that have already expressed their interest to help. 


    well the nice thing is that my MIL is in another state, its only all my family and friends at home.  it kinda stinks because my mom has a TON of animals so she rarely ever goes away so it would be really hard for her to come out here.  on the one hand its easier for me to go home because everyones there, but on the other hand the personal space is a little tight being home that long!  i was just wondering if anyone has done that before where they went home for that long of a period.  thanks for your input :))  i apprecaite it!!

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  • If it were me, I'd start finding mom groups in my area and stay put.  It is a personal opinion, but when my husband is gone, I need to be in our house surrounded by his things.  I need to sleep in our bed and hold on to his pillows.  It's nice to go visit other people, but I need to be in our home.  I would plan a trip or two away and plan for a few people to stagger visits to your home so you can get breaks.  

    Get out and start meeting people.  Join mommy groups.  Find crafting groups or people who share your interests.  Do you have an FRG or a spouse's club.  Ours has been a life saver.  

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  • We did leave our house while my H is deployed, we are renting but we love our house and it took a long time for us to find one where we are stationed. I also wanted to be able to go back if I got tired of living at home or if it wasn't beneficial anymore. We have a friends teenage son going by a few times per month to check on everything and do things like mow the lawn. Also, my next door neighbor is keeping an eye on the house, her H is deployed with mine and she is a SAH mom so she is around and would let me know if anything looked out of the norm.
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  • I'm due in May and my hubby deploys early June - we're packing up our house, putting it all in storage and I'm going home with baby until he returns. We aren't keeping our house to put us in a better situation financially.This is his fourth deployment, but first with a baby - and I'm sure I'd appreciate the help of being home near family, since we are new to our base and my support system is not built up.

    I had two friends that did similar things to what your thinking of. My one friend went home for the first deployment with her new baby, and then the second deployment, she had another baby while he was gone, but stayed put at her house and her mother came to live with her for a few months.

    My other friend kept her house on base, and went home for the whole 7 months. She had me keep an eye on her house and check up on it (gave me a key and even a blank check just in case anything happened). If you have a friend that can watch the house for you (not live in it, but just keep an eye) - then it would probably relieve some of your stress!

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