February 2013 Moms

38W Appt Update and 2 Q's

Baby J is still head-down and I'm still not dilated.  AT ALL.  The doc also said he *thinks* baby dropped, but I guess he's not sure?  I personally can't tell, but I think I have been feeling the whole "lightening crotch" I keep hearing about.  Boy is that fun! Confused

Two questions for you ladies:

1) Does anyone else feel a bit uncomfortable with a male OBGYN doing internal exams?  I had to see this doctor today (office policy to see everyone in the practice), and I refused to do an internal.  They told me I had to.  Thankfully, the nurse that I really like came in with the doc to make me feel more comfortable, but I still wasn't happy about it.  I have nothing against male OBGYNs, but I just feel uncomfortable with any male "down there" who isn't my husband.  So, anyone else?

2) I had heart palpitations prior to being pregnant and had them checked out years ago.  I was told they were fine and that if nothing changed, I didn't need to look into them further.  Fast forward to now.  My palpitations have increased (which is expected from all the extra blood flow), but now I am also having shortness of breath at the same time.  The doc listened to my heart and took my heart rate, but said I really need to get my heart rate when I'm having one of those "episodes"... which will probably be tonight when I lay down.  If it's 100 or above (beats per minute), then I may have a problem and have to get checked.  Anyone else have/had this?  Not gonna lie, I'm a little scared about it!  I don't want my heart to give out in the middle of labor!

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Re: 38W Appt Update and 2 Q's

  • I definitely feel more comfortable with a female, but i've had a male gyno before too and I got used to it.  Keep in mind that it is their JOB and that they've seen a lot of vaginas lol.  That seems really bizarre though that they told you that you HAD to get an internal.  I personally don't mind them, but if you didn't want one I feel like you shouldn't have been forced into it.

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  • I have a male OB, but he's the only one in his practice. I did have him for my DD#1 and he's like a gentle giant. When I was first referred to him I was skeptical because of him being male, but got to know him. I feel bad that you don't have that opportunity. At least you were able to have a nurse you liked in there with you.
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  • I've always had a male doctor, but I've also seen the same doctor for almost 6 years, so I'm very comfortable with him, but you do NOT have to do an internal check if you don't want to, they legally cannot force you to do anything that you aren't comfortable with, so that concerns me. If you have a history of palpitations in the past, it's very common for them to come back during pregnancy, it's just something to keep an eye, do not stress over them, I promise that will only make it worse, try to lay down and relax, take it easy, they usually do not treat a rapid heart rate unless it's over 160-180bpm. I promise your heart is not going to give out on you during labor. lol But if you'd be more comfortable and reassured, see if your OB or primary MD will refer you to a cardiologist, a friend of mine had to wear a heart monitor during her pregnancy because she was having episodes of SVT, and she had a perfectly normal vaginal birth, with no complications. Hang in there, and I hope you feel better!
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  • 1. Yes, I would say I feel more uncomfortable with a male doctor than a female one. I think that's totally normal though. In regards to the internal exam, it's not legal for them to say you "have" to do it. You have rights as a patient, and one of them is refusing treatments or exams that you don't want.

    2. At this point, I think all you can do is follow the doctor's advice. Take your heart rate next time you experience palpitations, and try to get in with a cardiologist as soon as you can. During my first and second trimesters, I was a little concerned because my heart rate was often above 100 and felt like it was just pounding in my chest. Keeping myself hydrated seemed to solve the problem, but my OB told me that if it was still bothering me, I should see a cardiologist. 

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  • I'm furious for you that they didn't respect your wishes and forced something on you that you didn't want to have done.  I would make sure you do not have that doctor while you are in labor, not only because you are obviously not comfortable with him, but also because if he is forcing things on you now he will probably do it during labor.  I would let the office know about it.

    As far as being uncomfortable with a male, yes, I am.  I've never seen a male doctor - always a female midwife.  I would have a hard time with a man seeing me down there and also feel like a female practitioner, especially one who has been through childbirth and breastfeeding before, has an empathy that a man could never have.

        
  • I think that for some women anyone being down there is just uncomfortable and we all deal with it because it's necessary.  I'm a lesbian and have a female OB - so i'm pretty uncomfortable with a woman down there when the only one who should be down there is my wife!  

    It's important to speak up and explain your discomfort like you did.  I'm glad you had a trusted nurse in there with you.  I just have to remind myself - repeatedly - this is medical - this is their job - nothing sexy going on here... 

    So to recap - lots of us experience a little uneasiness about the whole thing.  your not alone!  

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  • Actually I feel weird about ANYONE down there who isn't my husband. That being said I've actually liked male OB's better. I'm a nurse and I work with a lot of doctors. It's really just anatomy to them. As a nurse I have to put numerous urinary catheters in people, men and women. I've seen a lot of vaginas and penises, and it really is just anatomy and landmarks when your doing it.

    When I did go into my own ER for female problems with ectopic pregnancies last year I requested a female doc though...it's different when you know them.

    It's funny I've told numerous patients( and had others say the same) that male OB's are often gentler with our lady parts, lol.

    Also, he didn't invite the nurse in to make you more comfortable. They have to have a female chaperone or at least they are highly advised to do so. Our female docs don't need one, but our male docs do. They ask us to chaperone when it has anything to do with "private area" assessment.

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  • as to the palpitations - I have them occasionally, and have had them checked out in the past. With me it was related to both anxiety and thyroid problems. Before becoming PG with DS i was taking anti-anxiety meds which helped, and I?m on Levothyroxine full time now.  I try not worry when I get an episode, but easier said than done!

     As to the male OBGYN - before becomming PG first time, aged 35!, I?d never even had a pap smear as the thought of anyone  "down there"  for work, rather than pleasure, was just ....ugh! I couldn?t cope with it.

    But obv I knew that pregnancy wld change all that. My GP, of 11 yrs, asked me if I wanted a male or female OBGYN, and I said I wanted the best practicioner he could recommend. Turned out he was male. 

    Both myself and hubby think the world of him - he does such a great job and, in comparison to the several female midwives I had doing internals while in hospital who all had really heavy hands and hurt sooo much, my male Dr is very very gentle.

    TBH tho - I really wldnt care - male or female- as long as they were good at their job and I had confidence in them. That for me is the most important thing.

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  • I am going to sound totally weird with this statement, but I am pretty comfortable with doctors going down there.  I just kick my feet up in the stirrups and wait for it to be over.  Honestly, in my head they have seen so many hoo has that day that mine is probably pretty unremarkable.  Even males don't bother me because I know (or assume) they really arent interested in finding out anymore about my vag than medically necessary to know what they need to know... I actually get more nervous when it is my husband.  I always want him to see me in the most attractive light and still get jittery when he is hanging out down there or I think I am at a bad angle...I know, that is weird.
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  • i am equally uncomfortable with anybody's hands up in my business regardless of their sex.

    that being said, my doctor is a male and i don't have a problem with him doing things that are routine and part of his job. he's extremely reputable and is also the head of L&D at the hospital i'll be delivering at, so i am comfortable with his professionalism.

     

    that being said, you have every right to have a second party of your choice (your partner or a female nurse) in the room for any exam done by a male doctor. this is done by default at the practice i visit. if i am alone, the regular nurse stays in the room the entire time. if my husband is with me, she leaves. never ever let a doctor tell you that you cannot have somebody else present. 

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  • First off, hi! We're neighbors - I'm in Leesburg too :)

    I'm really shocked that you requested to not have an internal and the OB forced one on you. Completely unnecessary, I would be furious. 

  • image+adamwife+:

    I'm furious for you that they didn't respect your wishes and forced something on you that you didn't want to have done.  I would make sure you do not have that doctor while you are in labor, not only because you are obviously not comfortable with him, but also because if he is forcing things on you now he will probably do it during labor.  I would let the office know about it.

    Believe me, I was a little furious myself.  I know from reading this board (at the very least) that I can refuse an internal, and that should be ok.  But I said that to the nurse who took my BP and she shrugged and just said "Well you have to, you're 38 weeks!"  I told her I was very uncomfortable with it and she just said "Sorry".  I knew I could stand my ground and absolutely refuse, but I'm sure they would have given me a BIG fuss about it.  They acted as if they didn't even realize I *could* refuse one.  But I just grit my teeth and went along.  I did want to know if I was dilated, so I did get something out of it.  

    When I called a few weeks ago to see when I was seeing the male doctor again, I asked to change it because I knew they'd want to do an internal.  They refused, saying I needed to see everyone in rotation (not just see them once, but in rotation), which is BS because I have been with their practice for more than 10 weeks, and I still haven't seen 1 of their (best) doctors.  I've seen everyone else at least twice.  So I told her that I would then be refusing the internal exam, to which she replied that I would have to talk to the doctor about that.  So I really doubt they would care if I told them I was told I *had* to have an internal.  Not really sure who I would even complain to.

    I don't know what I will do if he is the one on call when I head into L&D.  I'm not sure I will have a choice.  It may be him, or some other random doctor there who doesn't know me.

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  • imagelylahlove:

    First off, hi! We're neighbors - I'm in Leesburg too :)

    I'm really shocked that you requested to not have an internal and the OB forced one on you. Completely unnecessary, I would be furious. 

    Hi-de-ho neighbor!   I just sent you a PM btw!

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  • imagePrplMonky5:
    image+adamwife+:

    I'm furious for you that they didn't respect your wishes and forced something on you that you didn't want to have done.  I would make sure you do not have that doctor while you are in labor, not only because you are obviously not comfortable with him, but also because if he is forcing things on you now he will probably do it during labor.  I would let the office know about it.

    Believe me, I was a little furious myself.  I know from reading this board (at the very least) that I can refuse an internal, and that should be ok.  But I said that to the nurse who took my BP and she shrugged and just said "Well you have to, you're 38 weeks!"  I told her I was very uncomfortable with it and she just said "Sorry".  I knew I could stand my ground and absolutely refuse, but I'm sure they would have given me a BIG fuss about it.  They acted as if they didn't even realize I *could* refuse one.  But I just grit my teeth and went along.  I did want to know if I was dilated, so I did get something out of it.  

    When I called a few weeks ago to see when I was seeing the male doctor again, I asked to change it because I knew they'd want to do an internal.  They refused, saying I needed to see everyone in rotation (not just see them once, but in rotation), which is BS because I have been with their practice for more than 10 weeks, and I still haven't seen 1 of their (best) doctors.  I've seen everyone else at least twice.  So I told her that I would then be refusing the internal exam, to which she replied that I would have to talk to the doctor about that.  So I really doubt they would care if I told them I was told I *had* to have an internal.  Not really sure who I would even complain to.

    I don't know what I will do if he is the one on call when I head into L&D.  I'm not sure I will have a choice.  It may be him, or some other random doctor there who doesn't know me.

    It doesn't sound like the doctor forced an internal, it sounds like the misinformed ancillary staff said you had to have it. I'd imagine they are medical assistants, not RN's. Most RN's would know you can't force things on patients. I tell patients all the time that  "this is how we do it"...but they can refuse anything they want.

    Is there a "member services" number or something? That's what it's called with my insurance/hospital. I would probably complain to them or the manager/supervisor or nursing or ancillary staff. Couldn't hurt to bring it up to the doctor too saying that you know you don't have to undergo a procedure (internal exam) if you don't want to, and you felt bullied by the last staff member into getting one. When a patient refuses something that is supposed to happen, you just chart that they refused it, and that's it.

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  • I've had my male gyne for 15 years and I absolutely love him and his partner, who is a male too.  He was way more gentler than the female gynes I had seen in the past.  He keeps me laughing during all my annual checkups and he's done before I know it - great bedside manner.  The female gynes were rough and didn't have anywhere near the same warm bedside manner.  I understand your discomfort but I thought I'd share my experience with you that sometimes a female isn't always better just because of her gender.
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  • imageelena_bradie@yahoo.com:
    I've had my male gyne for 15 years and I absolutely love him and his partner, who is a male too.  He was way more gentler than the female gynes I had seen in the past.  He keeps me laughing during all my annual checkups and he's done before I know it - great bedside manner.  The female gynes were rough and didn't have anywhere near the same warm bedside manner.  I understand your discomfort but I thought I'd share my experience with you that sometimes a female isn't always better just because of her gender.

    I feel exactly the same! I've been to my obgyn - who is male- since I was 16yrs. He was my mother's doctor. Basically he's the best in town and hasn't been accepting new patients in years. To get into him you almost have to be referred by a long-standing patient. The best bedside manner ever! I even moved to a town 20 miles away and still drive back to see him for appointments. I'll also be making the drive to the hospital there when I deliver.  

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  • I'm surprised they made you have an internal....that doesn't seem right. I mean even if you are dilated it doesn't mean you're going to go into labor right away.

    My dr is a male and I'm fine with him. He's older though...maybe it might be different if he was 20-something lol. I mean, it's their job, so they see lady bits all day long. 

  • Thanks for the support ladies!

    You're all right, I need to speak up for myself more.  I'm always in the in-between phase of wanting to stick up for myself, but also not wanting to cause a fuss.  It's something I've got to work on.

    I do know the lady I talked to was a nurse, and I figured she was in communication with the doctor and she knew the office's policies.  But you know what they say about assuming...

    I will be bringing it up to the doctor I see next week.  It will be a different doctor, one I'm more comfortable with.  And I *will* be making a stronger case for myself.  Gotta stick up for myself.

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  • I have no answer for the second question, but as for the first one, I'm not bothered by my male OB in the least.  I honestly don't have a strong preference between him and the female midwife in his practice.  He's always been extremely professional, and he's never made me feel uncomfortable.  He's just doing his job, you know?  I'm sure there are specific OB's (male or female) out there that would be capable of making me feel uncomfortable, but it would be more about their behavior/demeanor than what's between their legs. Stick out tongue


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  • 1. It seems super weird to me they would require you to do an internal when you didn't want to.  Also, if you aren't comfortable with a male OB (and there is nothing wrong with that) you should find a female-only practice.  Otherwise you sort of get-what-you-get.  I personally really like my male OB.  He's this tiny older man who is very good.  Before him I had a woman I did not like at all.

    2.  I also have heart palpitations.  I got checked out, like you did, and they said it was nothing to worry about until I got older or the palpitations lasted at least 20 minutes.  They said to really know what is going on, I would need to wear a monitor to catch an episode, but since mine are so infrequent (I've gone months without one) I've never done it.  If yours are happening daily, you sould tell someone you want to wear the monitor and really figure out what is going on.  Be sure your anesthesologist (sp) knows about it when you go into labor.

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  • Firstly I'll let anyone look at my vag cuz I don't believe they're making a judgement but everyone's sensitivies are different.  Kinda like getting a massage when they ask if I want a male or female therapist, I just want who can do their job the best.

    Secondly, yes I have the palps & above 100 at times & my OB made me see a cardio.  The only shortness of breath is during the palps.  The cardio explained why & for my situation it's not a prob but for you it could be as your issue could be different.  My suggestion is to have your OB schedule an appt with a cardio for you b/c they can get you in immediately whereas if you call up blindly they'll make you wait weeks.  That's a dr thing, my friend is a dr & explained the whole appt emergency thing about getting in for an appt stat.  Best of luck. 

  • imagePrplMonky5:

    1) Does anyone else feel a bit uncomfortable with a male OBGYN doing internal exams?  I had to see this doctor today (office policy to see everyone in the practice), and I refused to do an internal.  They told me I had to.  Thankfully, the nurse that I really like came in with the doc to make me feel more comfortable, but I still wasn't happy about it.  I have nothing against male OBGYNs, but I just feel uncomfortable with any male "down there" who isn't my husband.  So, anyone else?

    I honestly don't care who checks down there as long as they are a medical professional. In all honesty, you're just another swollen, pregnant vagina that's likely not going to phase the dr. anyways. You're not going to care in delivery, as long as you have help. 

    2) I had heart palpitations prior to being pregnant and had them checked out years ago.  I was told they were fine and that if nothing changed, I didn't need to look into them further.  Fast forward to now.  My palpitations have increased (which is expected from all the extra blood flow), but now I am also having shortness of breath at the same time.  The doc listened to my heart and took my heart rate, but said I really need to get my heart rate when I'm having one of those "episodes"... which will probably be tonight when I lay down.  If it's 100 or above (beats per minute), then I may have a problem and have to get checked.  Anyone else have/had this?  Not gonna lie, I'm a little scared about it!  I don't want my heart to give out in the middle of labor!

    I was worked up for this same sounding thing 3 weeks ago. Heart pounding, racing at 118 bpm, short of breath, palpitations. I still get it when I lay down at night. My ER dr. said that I have a "flow murmur" which happens in pregnancy as a result of all of the extra blood that the heart has to pump. It can cause all of these symptoms. I was also worked up for a blood clot in my lungs which was negative. Basically it's like another one of the lovely side-effects of being pregnant.  

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