16 month old hitting me

aleksmar

Ladies, my 16 month old DD has started to hit.Me.not DH, just me. I'll pick her up when she wants to be held and ask her for a kiss and she'll start swatting at me. I tell her no, I hold her hands and tell her not to hit me, but she'll continue to do that.
Any advice?
Oh, I'd like to add that I was like that at her age-I'd hit my mom. she ignored it and let me walk all over her...but she keeps repeating that she hated it and her heart broke every time I hit her. My dad took the hands on approach:he spanked me. serioulsy spanked. I stopped hitting her...
I don't think violence is the answer, especially with a little child like that who may not really understand what she's doing...
please help!

EDWHIP

My daughter (21 months) has just started hitting me.  It sucks, but I've noticed it happens more when she is either hungry or tired.  Are there certain situations where she does it more than others?

sanderson109

I'm in the same situation with my DD . She is almost 15 months and she is constantly hitting me, never her father  and has only hit 1 other person once . I've tried telling her no and holding her hands and she just laughed at me and would do it again . Finally I had enough and when she would do it I would immediately put her down, used a firm voice and would say no thank you mommy doesn't  like that and walk away. The first couple times she stood there puzzled and then finally realized that I wouldn't tolerate her behavior . She isn't hitting as often but I get the occasional swat but I just walk away and she doesn't like it so she immediately comes running and feels bad for being "fresh".

kxp004

DS does this when he's frustrated sometimes... I just get up and walk away after telling him that's not nice we don't hit people... does he understand it yet? idk but I just try to remove us from the situation and redirect his attention elsewhere...

I doubt your child is hitting you to be mean or anything... it sounds like she's trying to tell you you're in her space and she doesn't want a kiss... DS isn't a kissy baby... he does kiss hello and bye bye but nit usually any other time

also, it seems silly to spank them for hitting... "we don't hit" spank.... yeah, kinda hypocritical there...  

ETA: DS dies this to my younger sister who sometimes invades his personal boundaries... he'll whack her right across the face... he just doesn't know how else to express "HEY you're in my space" so that is how he tells you... granted we try to correct the behavior by telling her to not get in his face and him the same as I said earlier (not nice, back away)

Jen0204

When they sit I say "we don't hit".  If they do it again, then I put them down and say "if you're going to hit me then I can't hold you". 

aleksmar

but here's the thing-DD loves giving kisses. to no one else just me...
When I put her down and tell her not to hit she just starts crying and screaming...she doesn't follow, she just stands there and cries

 

LatteLady5

OMG Jen0204 You're kids are insanely adorable!!!

As far as the hitting goes, I think different things work for different kids. Does she think it's a game? When DD hits me I sing and say "owie" and then "gentle hands" and demonstrate. If she does it again I say just say " We don't hit. If you hit me again you will have to play by yourself. Momma doesn't play with hitters."  If she does it again I put her down and walk away. She usually melts into hysterics. I let her cry for a short time and pick her up and she'll usually sign sorry and kiss me. I don't think she gets everything right now but this usually stops it.

I know some kids you can just ignore it, while for others a reprimand works. Just be consistent and don't let her make it into a game. 

PayolaCrayola

DD was doing this to me too. Never to DH just me. I tried ignoring and saying no and walking away and she would just cry and cry. She thought it was a game. When i would try and put her to sleep (we bedshare) she would jump on me and pull my hair. Finally one night I was so tired and after an hr of ignoring it I just snapped and yelled at her really loudly "stop hitting me!" It wasnt my proudest moment but she stopped after that. Now she will only rarely do it and like pp said its usually when shes tired.

Jen0204

LatteLady5:

OMG Jen0204 You're kids are insanely adorable!!!

Thanks 

aleksmar:

but here's the thing-DD loves giving kisses. to no one else just me...
When I put her down and tell her not to hit she just starts crying and screaming...she doesn't follow, she just stands there and cries

And OP, that's kind of the point.  She's crying because she's not getting what she wants, which is for you to hold her.  She's not getting what she wants because she hit you.  But that's why first I give a warning, sometimes the second time I'll say "I told you not to hit, if you do it again I'll have to put you down" and then the third time I put her down (or if it's a bad day and I have a short fuse she gets put down the second time).  If they cry I say "this is why you can't hit, because then I have to put you down".  Then I go play with them with their toys, but I don't pick them right back up, I just distract her so she stops crying.  I'm not saying ignore her, but there has to be something to show her that you're serious.

When we discipline them - however we do it - they're not going to like it.  But we still have to do it.

TiffanyBerry

If she hits you, don't hold her hands or hug her or talk to her (other than to say "no hitting!" and walk away.  Go to another room, go somewhere else in the same room, whatever - ignore her for a minute or two (or three, depends on your kid).  And do it EVERY time she hits you.  Otherwise, she's just getting to hit you (which is fun) AND get your attention (which is fun).

aleksmar

Ladies, a big thank you!! I'll try everything that you wrote and I hope I'll be able to teach her to stop. My dad still insists that a good spanking never hurt anyone, but at this point, I am hopeful that your way will work better!!
wish me luck!

TiffanyBerry

aleksmar:

Ladies, a big thank you!! I'll try everything that you wrote and I hope I'll be able to teach her to stop. My dad still insists that a good spanking never hurt anyone, but at this point, I am hopeful that your way will work better!!
wish me luck!

Im in the "hitting someone just teaches them it is ok to hit" camp.   

jaymiegerard

I've been dealing with this for a few months now.  Here's what's helped me with DS:

 - When I see his hand coming toward me to hit, I gently hold his arm, bring his hand into my mouth and kiss it.  Then I say, "hitting hurts, I like kisses better" or, "we don't hit, hitting hurts"

- I stop what I'm doing when I see that he's obviously frustrated, get down to eye level with him and mirror his feelings or name what he's feeling, i.e. "I can tell that changing your diaper made you very angry," or "It made you frustrated when Daddy moved your toy"

 - The other thing that's been working the best is whenever he hits, I ask him for a kiss where he hit me.  Lately he's been coming up to me ready to hit but leans in and gives me a kiss instead.

We don't believe in spanking or hitting our kids (though every parent has to make their own decision), especially when they are too young to really understand "no" and consequences of their actions.  We try not to use the word "no" unless it's something dangerous.  Instead, we re-direct.

It's hard, but pick one response that you and your husband can both do and do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she hits.  Be consistent and she will get the message.  And don't forget, this sucks but it's just a phase!

mrsjune25th

Set her down and walk about. If you give her "attention" for hitting you she will keep doing it. LO did that briefly I would just tell her it hurts me when you hit and I would set her down and move on to something else. I agree with you spanking/hitting a child is not the answer it is completely counter productive and teaches kids it is ok to hit. Good luck, don't worry this phase will pass!

HeidiP14

My DS has been doing this too to both me and my hubby. It is only when we are playing and my face is right in front of his. I tell him no hit and if he continues hold his hand down and then will sit him back down on his bottom and tell him no or no hit at which point he will usually cry. Usually if I just say no hit he thinks it a game and laughs. I'm sure it will pass.