February 2013 Moms

people in the delivery room

So a background... my husband is out to sea, will be back feb 4-8 and then leaving again.. im due feb 15. since i am by myself (away from family) my MIL is coming up the week before my husband comes home (just in case baby comes early and because our families just get so nervous about me being alone) and then my mom will come up the week after my husband leaves.

So, if baby comes when we want and hubby is here.. he will be the only one in the room with me.

But if he isnt here.. should the moms be in the room? at first i was thinking sure, y not.. itd be nice to have some family around for support. but i have hired a doula to help support me.. and then it hit me all of a sudden that ill actually be pushing out the baby in there!! haha idk what i was thinking.. i was just focusing on the laboring part.. totally forgot about the pushing and then the boobs being out to breastfeed and all of that.

sooo.. what would you do? if my hubs isnt there.. ill have my doula.. should the moms be in the room too?? i feel like, at first i wasnt going to have a doula so i just assumed i would need someone so whichever mom is here could be with me. but now that i have one, idk that i want them in there for all of that. im thinking they could be in there for the laboring part but that i should kick them out for the delivery? idk.. anyone have any feedback whos done it before? would you want your MIL in the room??? or even mom?? granted, its extenuating circumstances but...

Re: people in the delivery room

  • I've had the following people present at all or some of my births - DH, doulas, MIL, mom, SIL, my three sisters, and my BFF.  I've also been present at several people's births and I can say with certainty that no one cares about your boobs or vagina and is looking at them or will even remember them after the birth.  People are there to support you and once you start pushing, they are looking at the baby coming out.  If you are breastfeeding with your boob out, they are still looking at your baby and not sizing up your boob.

    Your MIL is being nice enough to come and be with you and take care of you before and after the birth.  What an amazing gift to give her to be present for the birth of her grandchild.  My mom and MIL talk about the births of my children and thank me all the time for the gift.

        
  • Have them in the delivery room for the laboring and when they say your complete and it's time to start pushing everyone has to leave.  My mom was allowed in the room with us for the labor (and early on so was my dad, sis, and her fiance), but when things got ugly (lol) only my mom stayed and when I was completly dialated it was down to just me and DH.
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  • Totally depends on your relationship with them... I'm close with both my mom and MIL, so they'll both be there as well as my DH. I also want some pics taken right after birth and don't want DH to have to think about it so he can live in the moment, so our moms will be able to snap some...

    I know if I was in your situation I would want some support there... I know your doula will be supportive, but personally I'd want family with me.

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  • I agree-- it depends on your relationship with each of them. My mom and DH were with me when DD was born. My mom was super grateful for the experience. She has been on the delivery side of things, but said it was completely different witnessing her daughter give birth. She and DH both helped a lot and my mom knew when to tell DH to be quiet (I am a super talkative person, but in stressful situations I don't want people to talk to me and DH was being way too chatty!). My mom is a nurse, so she wasn't bothered by any of the "ugly" stuff. She is actually a little sad she won't be there for DS's birth (she will be watching DD).
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  • I agree with PP, it depends on your relationship with the two of them. 

    I think maybe, if my DH wasn't going to be there, I'd want another support person (aside from the doula). But you know what? If you're not comfortable with either of them, you CAN pick a friend or someone else that you are more comfortable with.

    At first, I was all like "sure, my mom can come in, and my MIL, and oh, we can't leave my step mother out!"

    As the pregnancy has progressed, I have come to realize that those initial thoughts were indeed, insane. My mother is a  fainter. And she says weird crap that I couldn't put up with in that state. So she's out. I love my MIL, but this is my vagina we're talking about. And she is also somewhat of a fainter. So she's out. My stepmother is an RN, and would be a great support person for me, but I feel like my mom (actually I know) that she would be peeved if I let her in and no one else (even though she's a fainter, logic is not her strong point...).

    Anyway, we live on a small island quite a way away from the city. In the event that my DH or any of the rest of my family can't make it or something like that (though I'd be super upset) I plan on asking the friend that I will be staying with in the city to be my support person. I think it would be better to do it with her, than alone...

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  • My husband is going to be gone for the delivery, Air Force, so it's going to my sister and my mother in the delivery room, possibly my mother in law, but her and I have a very close relationship and we agreed to just wait and see how I'm feeling at that time. I'm a very private person, so this is very strange to me, but at the same time, I depend heavily on my husband so not having him there is really hard for me, and if I can't have him there I'd like to have family there to help and support me. It it honestly completely up to you and whatever you're comfortable with. And you don't have to make a decision right now, you can wait and see how you feel when the moment comes. Fingers crossed that your husband can be there though!
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  • I agree with those who said it's all about your comfort level. Do YOU want them there? Personally, I want it to just be me and DH, and my mom knows she's on call if DH is at the office when I go into labor, she'll stay with me til he gets home and be my support person during delivery if necessary, depending on how quickly things progress.

    I love my MIL, but I'm simply not comfortable having her there and same goes for pretty much everyone else in the world who isn't there in a professional capacity. But again, everyone is different, and ultimately this is the one time in your life where i think its ok to say it's all about what YOU want and need, not about what would be perceived as "fair" or what someone else feels entitled to.


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  • This is my third and I have only had my husband with my during my other two deliveries. I would NOT want anyone else in there. However, if I couldn't have my husband with me I would probably reconsider. You have to decide which is the "lesser of two evils"!
  • The first I just wanted H and I. This time I think it will be my mom and H. She has yet to experience her grandkids births. My sister had a c-section, my sislaw was in Texas and the first one I wanted it to be our experience. So I really want her there. I haven't told her because she will brag and upset my MIL. She will not be invited.

    I am also debating about having my sister there to photograph the experience. If she can make it..lol. I don't know anyone else who will do it. We shall see.

    I would go with makes you feel comfortable. Don't tell anyone your thoughts and just wait until it's time. You go with the flow so much when it comes down to it. When I was ready to push my mil, fil, mother, two sisters and grandmother were all in the room just talking. At first I didn't care until they were really serious about me pushing and then I kicked them all out..lol.

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  • My mom is going to come to my delivery. With DS, she stood at my shoulder and didn't see anything. If my DH and mom couldn't make it for some reason, I would want a friend or female family member with me. I want someone with the baby when she gets her bath and someone there that I trust to make decisions if the worst should happen.
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  • If it were me, and i had to choose which person to be in there, i'd probably have my mom in the room as a support person - I have never felt uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of her and i wouldn't feel weird about any modesty issues.  However, i know she would be really hurt if she were there for the labor part, then asked to leave for the pushing/birth part.  However, i might opt to just have the doula there and not have an additional support person.  My mom hates seeing me in discomfort or pain and i think that would stress me out. Maybe have them right outside so that right after the baby is born, they can share in the initial joy?  Good luck in deciding whatever is best for you!
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