Would you

catchafallingstar76

adoptive parents would you say, let your child's birth father meet them after getting out of prison for 5-7 years? my baby's father is in prison after my parents pressed charges on him and he has some theft in his past as well and I'm worried that he'd never get to meet the baby.

please be honest

Dr.Loretta

It depends. I wouldn't let my child meet him right off the bat. We'd have to establish some sort of distant relationship first before any in-person meetings.

IRR

I agree with PP.  It would depend on many things and having some sort of a distant relationship first would certainly help for a future meeting.  Do you have a child you are considering giving up for adoption?  If so, the baby's father would also have to provide consent regardless if he is in prison.  Are you sure he would want to meet this child? 

catchafallingstar76

well I'm pregnant and considering adoption right now. I'm not really sure what he wants but I'm pretty sure he would go with I want and I know he'd want to meet the baby.

HouseofLovelock

Is he asking to see the baby?  I would definitely leave the ball in his court, not bring it up, and if he initiated then set some guidelines for the how, when, where - and of course, only if it was supervised by people who know you and can keep you safe, draw lines of privacy, etc...  Sometimes agencies will even help mediate in sticky situations.

catchafallingstar76

well the baby isn't here yet, he doesn't even know yet but I know him and he'll want to when he gets out.

ycristina84

I'm not sure that I would want my child to have an unstable person in their life of any capacity. I'm with the other PPs, I would have to have all the facts first. Generally speaking, if he had any type of violence in his past, then I absolutely wouldn't allow him in their life at all. And if there was any possibility he would commit another crime and go back to prison, that would also keep me from letting them meet. I just don't think it's healthy to have someone in and out of a child's life like that. I would be open to sending updates and pictures, but I wouldn't introduce them until the father proved himself to be reliable and trust worthy for a long time.

arbutusbride

If the birth father is on parole he may have restrictions on being around people. I would get input from the parole officer. Otherwise I would talk with you social worker. He/She may have some advice.

 

Dr.Loretta

Given your follow-ups, I'd start with 1) telling him and 2) talking to a counselor (adoption-related or otherwise) about your options if you make an adoption plan. I'm sure they've handled situations like this, and could give you guidance on how most expectant fathers handle the news and what kind of contact they want.

The advantage to open adoption is that it can mean a lot of different things. If he's in prison for something violent and the adoptive parents didn't want direct contact, there can still be something like letters and pictures through a 3rd party.

Explore your options and go from there

Ginger71

Ditto what the others have said. I would need all the facts. As long as it wasn't for a violent crime I would be comfortable with starting a relationship. I think I would like the EM present until I got to know him.

FWIW, I know of an amazing guy who I worked with when I was younger. He got into trouble when he was young but he was a good guy with a tough family life and just hung with the wrong crowd for a while. He now has a family of his own and is a great father and husband. Everyone deserves a chance.

Good luck with everything!

amm78

I think it's important for a child to know his/her roots... so, we would be open to having a visit with the birthfather.