Out of town wedding at 37 weeks.....help!

davisislands

Recently my DH's brother became engaged. Since he is older they are having a short engagement and are thinking of having the wedding the first weekend in August. Obviously this is DH brother and not exactly a wedding we can skip. I will be almost 37 weeks at that point AND it's a 4 hour drive (normally we would fly, but that is out of the question) Since the date has not been set in stone yet, I have kindly asked DH to talk to his brother about our situation. Even though they plan to have a small wedding, by no means are we trying to have them center their day around us. But I do think it's something that needs to be discussed. BIL doesn't have any children and does not understand pregnancy and what being 37 weeks means! That's why I need DH to interviene. Also, we are talking Miami heat in August...not very plesant (and I am assuming wedding is outdoors)

What would you guys do? Am I over worrying about all this (I am a FTM)? Any advice is greatly appreciated

peanutmuse

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

Soleil3

I'd suck it up and go, or if the date rolls around and I really am feeling crappy, I'd just have H go.

37 weeks is still a good 3-5 weeks until you have the kid, you might be a little uncomfortable but I think you are over-worrying about it. Get a nice linen dress for that Miami heat and have fun, treat it like a last date with your H. 

Creedon778

Personally I wouldn't intervene.  It's their wedding and they should be able to choose the date regardless of other people's circumstances.  Asking them to change it because it's going to be hot and you'll be pregnant I think is unreasonable (even at 37 weeks).  A four hour drive at 37 weeks is completely doable assuming all is going well with the pregnancy.  We did a 12 hour drive each way for a wedding at 36 weeks.  Lots of pee stops and I didn't stay up late at the wedding, but otherwise fine.

nawlinsgrl

peanut+muse:

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

I agree with this.  I debate whether to even propose this, since you are a FTM, but the only compromise I can think of is to have DH attend, and you stay home.  This is only if there is no wiggle room on the wedding date.  First pregnancies usually have pretty long labors, so if you happen to go into labor during the wedding, DH, could hop in the car immediately and be back before it's too late.  But, I totally recognize that is still not ideal, and that you would probably want DH with you the entire time, and he may want that as well.

The one thing I am certain of is that I would in no way travel that far at that point in my pregnancy.  Good luck to you!

davisislands

peanut+muse:

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

Yes, this is another factor! I will mention that to DH.

Emmakins87

I agree, if you are nervous about going, just have H go and stay home

Creedon778

nawlinsgrl:

peanut+muse:

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

I agree with this.  I debate whether to even propose this, since you are a FTM, but the only compromise I can think of is to have DH attend, and you stay home.  This is only if there is no wiggle room on the wedding date.  First pregnancies usually have pretty long labors, so if you happen to go into labor during the wedding, DH, could hop in the car immediately and be back before it's too late.  But, I totally recognize that is still not ideal, and that you would probably want DH with you the entire time, and he may want that as well.

The one thing I am certain of is that I would in no way travel that far at that point in my pregnancy.  Good luck to you!

I'm not one to argue on TB, but I have to say I completely feel the opposite.  When we asked our OB about the wedding we went to at 36 weeks his only advice was you should either go together or not at all because you'll want to be with eachother if something were to happen.  Every pregnancy is different, but when I did go into labor at 40 weeks my labor was 5.5 hours start to finish. 

peanutmuse

davisislands:

peanut+muse:

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

Yes, this is another factor! I will mention that to DH.

I kind of ignored the question about you going, because if they do decide on that date, I really think that's a decision you need to make when it gets closer. I just think it's necessary for the brother to know that it's possible your husband will miss it. I have friends who delivered between 36 and 38 weeks -- three that I can think of just off the top of my head.

JilllyBean

I don't realy agree. I would say something if I were your H. Not like, change the date, but, hey just so you know, we might not be able to make it. I also wouldn't want my H 4 hours away when I could possibly go into labor, but hey, that is just me. Even 2 weeks earlier would help you guys out. In the end it is up to them, but it can't hurt to mention that you may not make it. 

davisislands

Creedon-  I am not asking for them to change their date becasue it's hot. I am asking for him to consider the impact it has on his brother/best friend. Since they are having suchg a small weddding anyways, wouldn't it be important that your best man be able to give 110% ?

NawlinsGirl- There is definately wiggle room with the date, that's why I think he should talk to him about it sooner than later. (It also makes me wonder why they are even considering that date...)

davisislands

JilllyBean:

I don't realy agree. I would say something if I were your H. Not like, change the date, but, hey just so you know, we might not be able to make it. I also wouldn't want my H 4 hours away when I could possibly go into labor, but hey, that is just me. Even 2 weeks earlier would help you guys out. In the end it is up to them, but it can't hurt to mention that you may not make it. 

 

I agree with everything you are saying. I just want DH to help BIL understand where we will be at that point....and yes, 2 weeks would definately make a difference!

Cosmic+Love

JilllyBean:

I don't realy agree. I would say something if I were your H. Not like, change the date, but, hey just so you know, we might not be able to make it. I also wouldn't want my H 4 hours away when I could possibly go into labor, but hey, that is just me. Even 2 weeks earlier would help you guys out. In the end it is up to them, but it can't hurt to mention that you may not make it. 

Agree with this 100%. Let his brother know the situation and they will do with it what they want. I would not want DH 4 hours away that close to my due date. DH was supposed to be the best man in a wedding 1 week before our due date and he is opting out because the wedding is 5 hours away.

FWIW, my cousin just had her first baby 4 weeks early. Not the norm, but something to consider.

MommyAmes2

I had both my kids at exactly 38 weeks. Chances are you won't go into labor at 37 weeks, and you could actually go without issue. That being said, if your uncomfortable, just have your H go. No matter what though your H needs to inform them that you both may not make it, depending on how the pregnancy is progressing. Hopefully they understand.

VTFutureMrs

If it was me, I wouldn't be too concerned. Yea, there is a slight chance you might go into labor or something may prevent you from going, but that could be any wedding. Something can always come up if you are pregnant or not. That being said, we are going to the beach 4 hours away for a whole week when I am 35-36 weeks and it doesn't worry me at all. 

ScarletOflaherty

Soleil3:

I'd suck it up and go, or if the date rolls around and I really am feeling crappy, I'd just have H go.

37 weeks is still a good 3-5 weeks until you have the kid, you might be a little uncomfortable but I think you are over-worrying about it. 

This, Miami is a big city and they have LOADS of hospitals, it's not like you will be away from civilization. 

Iblamethebeer

Maybe you let your MIL know what's going on, because it might be easier for her to lean on them about this then for you or DH to do it directly.  Just for the love of god do NOT bring up the fact that you will be really pregnant and it will be hot and uncomfortable, because that will destroy all your credibility. 

Maybe you say something, like "hey, baby could arrive anytime between [tentative wedding date] and 4 weeks after that, and we won't know until closer to [tentative wedding date] whether I'll be able to travel at that point.  Obviously we'll do everything we can to be there for you guys and we're SO sorry we can't commit, but we don't know whether either or both of us is going to be able to be there on [tentative wedding date]."

Because, really, this is your first pregnancy and you have no idea how things might go.  You may have some (minor) complication that means it's a BFD if you try to drive 4 hours away at 37 weeks, and that you really shouldn't be home alone at 37 weeks either, because you might need to get rushed to the hospital.  Placenta previa is the one that comes to mind first, because I know so many people who've had it, but I'm sure there are others. 

peanutmuse

Iblamethebeer:

Just for the love of god do NOT bring up the fact that you will be really pregnant and it will be hot and uncomfortable, because that will destroy all your credibility. 

Totally agree with this! The only thing that I would even mention in the discussion, to be honest, is that they should be aware that it's possible you and even your husband will not be there. Then they can make the decision that works best for them, end of story.

mbf124

Do they even know you are pregnant yet? 

I wouldn't ask them to change the date. I'd just explain that you will do your best to make it, but if something comes up with the pregnancy that you won't be able to come. 

kateisgreat

Heat and comfort aren't really the issue at all. It's generally frowned upon by OBs to travel past 36 weeks, and some set a travel cut-off earlier than that. It doesn't matter if there are hospitals around or not, it's not the hospital where you registered or where your OB will be able to deliver. Your insurance may not cover it if you travel that late and have to deliver elsewhere (which is what my OB told me when I had to go out of town at 35 weeks). There are way more serious things to consider than how hot it will be outside. 

Definitely talk to your BIL about this, and I agree with PP, don't even bring up the heat and comfort level at 37 weeks.  

Stewartandmaura

Creedon778:

nawlinsgrl:

peanut+muse:

I definitely think this is something that your husband needs to talk to his brother about. Another thing to consider is that you could have the baby before then and your husband could potentially not be able to make it, let alone you. I'm not saying that the brother needs to plan his wedding around your pregnancy. But it is something that he should be aware of -- that neither of you might be able to make it.

 

I agree with this.  I debate whether to even propose this, since you are a FTM, but the only compromise I can think of is to have DH attend, and you stay home.  This is only if there is no wiggle room on the wedding date.  First pregnancies usually have pretty long labors, so if you happen to go into labor during the wedding, DH, could hop in the car immediately and be back before it's too late.  But, I totally recognize that is still not ideal, and that you would probably want DH with you the entire time, and he may want that as well.

The one thing I am certain of is that I would in no way travel that far at that point in my pregnancy.  Good luck to you!

I'm not one to argue on TB, but I have to say I completely feel the opposite.  When we asked our OB about the wedding we went to at 36 weeks his only advice was you should either go together or not at all because you'll want to be with eachother if something were to happen.  Every pregnancy is different, but when I did go into labor at 40 weeks my labor was 5.5 hours start to finish. 

I agree with Creedon. You may also want to familiarize yourself with what hospitals are available in that area (just in case). It'll make you feel more secure in travelling if a plan is in place for if you happen to go into labor while you are there.  (And if you are having a difficult pregnancy or are high-risk, ask your doctor for a copy of your records before you go.)

LnR70707

I'd talk to him about changing it.  Yes, in a perfect pregnancy world you won't be anywhere near delivering, but everyone needs to aware of the very real chance that you will be and won't make it.  I delivered DS at 34w6days with no signs of trouble before I was admitted at 4cm dilated and 80% effaced.  Of my 3 close friends with kids, one was on bedrest and induced because of pre-e at 37.5 weeks and the other just went into labor with no problems at all at 37 weeks exactly.   As long as no one assumes anything it will be fine.

cortneyloo

I think it would be uncalled for to ask someone to change their wedding date around your schedule, but it doesn't sound like that's quite what you're doing. Obviously your BIL will want your husband there and because of how close you will be to your due date there is a real possibility that he might not be able to attend baby comes early or complications arise and your doctor prefers you not to travel. I don't think it's rude to simply let them know the situation and then decide if they want to use that information in setting their date, especially since it's family. As a comparison when I was choosing my wedding date I found out one of my bridesmaids had already scheduled a missions trip for the week of the original date i was considering, so of course I had no problem changing the date since I wanted her there and nothing had been set in stone yet. Obviously it's different if deposits have already been put down and save the dates created but it doesn't sound like that's the case for you all.

davisislands

mbf124:

Do they even know you are pregnant yet? 

 

Yes.......

cortneyloo

Stupid mobile bump eating my punctuation again! There should be some parentheses up there.

janneann1127

Soleil3:

I'd suck it up and go, or if the date rolls around and I really am feeling crappy, I'd just have H go.

37 weeks is still a good 3-5 weeks until you have the kid, you might be a little uncomfortable but I think you are over-worrying about it. Get a nice linen dress for that Miami heat and have fun, treat it like a last date with your H. 

Yeah, not necessarily. At all actually. I went into labor with my son at 37w3d. It happens all the time. Generally, I don't think your OB is going to want you to travel at 37 weeks, but that is just my guess.

If it were me, I would tell DH to let his brother know that if they get married at that time, you guys might not make it. If it means enough to them to change it, then they will. If not, then at least you put it out there.

rissa06

janneann1127:

Soleil3:

I'd suck it up and go, or if the date rolls around and I really am feeling crappy, I'd just have H go.

37 weeks is still a good 3-5 weeks until you have the kid, you might be a little uncomfortable but I think you are over-worrying about it. Get a nice linen dress for that Miami heat and have fun, treat it like a last date with your H. 

Yeah, not necessarily. At all actually. I went into labor with my son at 37w3d. It happens all the time. Generally, I don't think your OB is going to want you to travel at 37 weeks, but that is just my guess.

If it were me, I would tell DH to let his brother know that if they get married at that time, you guys might not make it. If it means enough to them to change it, then they will. If not, then at least you put it out there.

 

I was thinking this.  In general my OB does not want me to travel after 37 weeks to so far way.  I went to a wedding at 36 weeks and it was fine.  but we were not too far from the hospital.  I have a thing that I strange doctor will deliver my baby that doesn't know my medical history.

My friend had her baby aqt 35 weeks and although that is rare, there is no way to tell when baby is coming.  

I probably would just explain that most likely we won't be attending the wedding , but you will see how it goes and what the doctor says. See how you feel at that point in time.   

mom0509

I would mention it, but not be offended either way they went. This lets them know that there is a possibly you may not make it ahead of time. Also I had my baby at 37 weeks and it was a 4 hour labor. I wouldn't want to chance missing the birth of my child, but that may just be me. Also my obgyn does not like travel more than an hour away that late in pregnancy you never know when you will go into labor.

Soleil3

rissa06:

janneann1127:

Soleil3:

I'd suck it up and go, or if the date rolls around and I really am feeling crappy, I'd just have H go.

37 weeks is still a good 3-5 weeks until you have the kid, you might be a little uncomfortable but I think you are over-worrying about it. Get a nice linen dress for that Miami heat and have fun, treat it like a last date with your H. 

Yeah, not necessarily. At all actually. I went into labor with my son at 37w3d. It happens all the time. Generally, I don't think your OB is going to want you to travel at 37 weeks, but that is just my guess.

If it were me, I would tell DH to let his brother know that if they get married at that time, you guys might not make it. If it means enough to them to change it, then they will. If not, then at least you put it out there.

 

I was thinking this.  In general my OB does not want me to travel after 37 weeks to so far way.  I went to a wedding at 36 weeks and it was fine.  but we were not too far from the hospital.  I have a thing that I strange doctor will deliver my baby that doesn't know my medical history.

My friend had her baby aqt 35 weeks and although that is rare, there is no way to tell when baby is coming.  

I probably would just explain that most likely we won't be attending the wedding , but you will see how it goes and what the doctor says. See how you feel at that point in time.   

Obviously as with everything, there are exceptions. But the majority of FTMs go to full term at about 40 weeks or longer. I didn't think that need be clarified in my OP.

V&G101808

I'm in the same boat! Hub's best friends wedding is late July and I'm due 08/06.  We're just going to take it day-by-day and when RSVP time comes around we'll give him a call and explain that there's a possibility we won't make it.

It's a 4 hour drive for us as well -  and our OB already said she wants to check me out prior to going anywhere farther than an hour away that late in the pregnancy. 

I think if you just take it day-by-day and see how well you're feeling much closer to the wedding. I'm sure BIL would totally understand especially if you are so far along. No need for them to work around you, I think it'll work out well even if you are unable to attend.

sabrinatolga

Just FYI, I had my daughter at 37 weeks. And she is my first child. But I did have a 22 hour labor. Totally possible. Maybe you can check into a backup plan just in case. Check hospitals and insurance if something were to happen. I see someone in this scenario may be disappointed. I'm sorry you have to go through explaining this. 

kmr333

That stinks. Like many others have said, I don't think it would hurt to talk to them about the date. You could position it as just wanting to make them aware that you, and possibly DH, may not end up being able to make it. Who knows, maybe they're not set on the date. Or if it does en up being that date and you haven't delivered yet, you could ask your doctor to get you a copy of your chart to take with you to Miami.

LnR70707

Soleil3:

Obviously as with everything, there are exceptions. But the majority of FTMs go to full term at about 40 weeks or longer. I didn't think that need be clarified in my OP.

Link?  I've read that 80% go within 2 weeks either direction, with about 40% actually going past the EDD.

peanutmuse

L&R70707:

Soleil3:

Obviously as with everything, there are exceptions. But the majority of FTMs go to full term at about 40 weeks or longer. I didn't think that need be clarified in my OP.

Link?  I've read that 80% go within 2 weeks either direction, with about 40% actually going past the EDD.

I tried looking this up (albeit briefly), and couldn't find anything to support this claim.

Soleil3

peanut+muse:

L&R70707:

Soleil3:

Obviously as with everything, there are exceptions. But the majority of FTMs go to full term at about 40 weeks or longer. I didn't think that need be clarified in my OP.

Link?  I've read that 80% go within 2 weeks either direction, with about 40% actually going past the EDD.

I tried looking this up (albeit briefly), and couldn't find anything to support this claim.

It's a pretty widely accepted concept, I'd like to see your link about the 80% are either early or late though.

 

 

darjeeling

Maybe it's just me, but no way would I be going anywhere at 37 weeks.  My neighbor just had her (first) kid 3 weeks early.  I also wouldn't want my husband to go either.  I sent him up to his folks for 5 days after Xmas (I couldn't go), and thought it would be fine.  But it ended up really bothering me to be separated from him because I was having a few minor complications and was scared, and we also had a funeral to go to.  I don't like to separate the family.  

 Also, a 4 hour trip could easily turn longer if there was bad traffic/an accident.

Have you asked your doctor if he/she would allow you to travel then?  

Sounds like if there is wiggle room in the date and your brother hasn't even talked to him yet, then this might all be a non-issue...?  

peanutmuse

Soleil3:

peanut+muse:

L&R70707:

Soleil3:

Obviously as with everything, there are exceptions. But the majority of FTMs go to full term at about 40 weeks or longer. I didn't think that need be clarified in my OP.

Link?  I've read that 80% go within 2 weeks either direction, with about 40% actually going past the EDD.

I tried looking this up (albeit briefly), and couldn't find anything to support this claim.

It's a pretty widely accepted concept, I'd like to see your link about the 80% are either early or late though.

 

 

Soleil, rather than dodging, can you provide a link to your claim? 

Personally, I read the 80% claim here, but it's not really scientific.

However, the CDC stats in 2005 suggested that the mean gestational age for babies was 38.7 weeks. (clicky) It doesn't really support a claim of more first time mothers going over 40 weeks. Of course, it doesn't separate the two. Probably because every pregnancy is different. First, second, third, fourth, eighth...

ETA: My only point is, you shouldn't claim something as fact (or even as "widely accepted") if you don't know for sure that it is. If that's your experience, that's fine. Personally, more than half of my friends went early for their firsts. Maybe only a week or 10 days. But still early. Not late.

darjeeling

This is slightly off topic, but whatever happened to that one poster who was set on going to her husband's brother's wedding in Hawaii in September? 

peanutmuse

darjeeling:

This is slightly off topic, but whatever happened to that one poster who was set on going to her husband's brother's wedding in Hawaii in September? 

I vaguely remember that one. Yikes. I would probably be really mad to miss a wedding in Hawaii... until the moment the baby is born.

darjeeling

peanut+muse:

darjeeling:

This is slightly off topic, but whatever happened to that one poster who was set on going to her husband's brother's wedding in Hawaii in September? 

I vaguely remember that one. Yikes. I would probably be really mad to miss a wedding in Hawaii... until the moment the baby is born.

For real! 

LnR70707

 (meant to quote Soleil)

Since it is so widely accepted, I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding a legit website with any statistics....I sure couldn't.   From the not so legit sources:

pregnology:

Your due date is an estimate, it is an average. In the chart below you can see the reality.
In week 38, 2 weeks before the due date, 2 out of 10 women will give birth.
In week 39, 1 week before the due date, 2 out of 10 women will give birth.
In week 40, the due date, 3 out of 10 women will give birth.
In week 41, 1 week after the due date, 2 out of 10 women will give birth.
(that is 40% before and 40% after)

random survey:

https://spacefem.com/pregnant/charts/duedate6.php

The average first time mom had her baby at 39W,5D. 56.1% of first time moms delivered their babies on or before their due date.

multiple other forums like the one below suggesting that the average is 40w1 day, meaning to get that average, about half the women have to before 40 weeks.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/77608.page