Im here...hes there. — The Bump
Military Families

Im here...hes there.

Hello,

Long story short, found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left on deployment (i was lucky to come back to mainland and work and continue school while he was away and I was able to be with family).....Im now 33 weeks and due to our very close PCS (2-3 weeks after baby's due date) I didnt move back to Hawaii after his deployment was over. We  move from Hawaii to California so Im staying on mainland while hes in Hawaii until baby is born and then we move.

Well Im getting nervous about him missing the birth. Its good to know the due date but theres only a slight chance of that actually being the day. So far I have no complications.....but Im afraid my water will break or something and by the time I notify him and he gets a ticket and makes the 5hr flight over the ocean plus any additional flights and drive time that it will be too late and i would of had baby already.

Basically not much I can do....it was too much for me to change OBs and doctors when Im so far along so thats why Im staying mainland and cant be with him.

Anyone have a birth story where their partners made it in time? My friend suggested using skype if he absolutely cant make it, one said to be induced but I dont want to unless I absolutely have to and I want to carry full term. I know things can change so fast in labor and stuff.....I guess Ill just have to pray and hope hes here and keep him updated and ask lots of questions at my OB appointments..... 

Re: Im here...hes there.

  • I'm sorry you're stressing out about it, but unfortunately this is one of the consequences of living apart and him being a geo-bach.  Going into labor is not considered a family emergency where his command HAS to let him go, and really there is no emergency where a command can't deny leave.  While he is allowed paternity leave, it is completely up to his command's discretion when he can take it and how quick he can leave.  Have they told him that they will absolutely drop everything and hop on a plane when you go into labor?  Hopefully they have, but there is always the possibility that things could change as well.  I'm not trying to be completely negative about it, but just want you to realize that there's a decent chance he won't be able to make it.

    I don't know how much info your OB can give you on it, other than average time frames of women going into labor.  Most doctors aren't going to delay medical care while they wait for him to get there.  I would have your backup plans in place for in case he can't make it.  Do you have someone else who would be there in the delivery room with you if he can't make it?  Have a plan set up for that person to be in contact with him, via calls and/or text, and skype setup.   

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    I'll be blunt and say that you should stop planning for him to be there for the birth. Chances are slim that it will happen, and it's causing you both a significant amount of stress. Start making plans in line with the idea that he won't make it disappointing, but not the end of the world as I can personally attest to give you peace of mind.
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  • Is there any way they would consider PCSing him a month earlier than planned?  It doesn't hurt to ask.  If his chain of command is family-focused they could push to make it happen.
  • Yeah he mentioned that option, seeing if it happens. Like the other posts said I am starting to get in the mind set of him not being for it but shortly after...its hard but I know its part of the military life and stuff. He also has some leave saved up since he didnt take it all after deployment since he was thinking ahead for baby. 

    Thanks for everyones responses.  

  • Yes thankfully I have a great support system where Im at so Ive already talked to my sister about being the person to relay information. Im hoping for the best though and know that I have no control over when baby wants to come! 
  • I'm not sure if you can fly, but here's my experience.

    I changed OB's at 36 weeks. I was using my own personal insurance and not Tricare. My insurance would have been too costly to add my daughter, so I made a last minute change.

    We too were in Hawaii. Tripler is freaking expectant mother central, and I had zero issues changing docs last minute. My labor and delivery were AWESONE. I had heard so many horror stories, but I threw them out the window after my first doc apt.

    I know it's not ideal to fly out there and fly back, but I wouldn't want my husband to miss such an important event.
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