In another thread I was mentioning how I think sometimes we know so much in our culture about what we think is "normal" that we often look for problems that aren't there. It got me thinking about labor and post-partum stuff. I just had a few thoughts I wanted to share.
The average first-time mother won't spontaneously go into labor until past her due date (40w5d is the stat, I think). If you're approaching your due date and you feel like everyone else has already had their babies, remember that most first time moms will go past if they do not induce. You are normal and fine.
The average mother's water will not break prior to labor beginning. Only 10-15% have that happen. You may be one of those women (like me) whose water won't spontaneously break until they are pushing - that is fine and NORMAL for many women. Don't let someone tell you otherwise and force you to have your water broken if you don't want it done to you (the longer the waters remain intact = less risk of infection and more cushion for natural pain control). Babies can even be born with the bag of waters intact.
The average first-time mother will be in labor for about 16 hours from start to finish - with the length of stages varying greatly (despite the fact that most hospitals have a policy requiring you progress a certain amount each hour or two). The average first-time mom will push for close to two hours. This is so important to remember if you have a pushy doctor who seems to be wanting to rush you along. You could be one of those moms that stalls at 4 cm for five hours and then BAM goes to 10 cm in less than thirty minutes (like me). That could be YOUR normal. You could be one of those moms that has to push for more than three hours and that is YOUR normal. Educate yourself and don't let anyone bully you into doing something you don't think is necessary.
The average woman's milk will not come in for 3-4 days after the birth. It took me almost a week with #2. That is fine and normal. Don't let someone give you bad breastfeeding advice and tell you your baby is starving just because your body doesn't do what the textbooks say is average. As long as your baby is getting colostrum and having enough wet/dirty diapers it is fine.
Remember that you are an individual and that the textbooks are merely reflecting averages. Don't let anyone make you do something that doesn't feel right for YOU individually just because you don't fit the typical pattern that the books say most women should fit.
Re: s/o - knowing too much - advice as we approach labor
Totally agree-- and I basically fit each of these when I was pregnant with DD. Went into labor at 40w3d, went into early labor at 11am, went to the hospital at 8pm, delivered the next day at 6am, my water never broke on its own (the dr. did break it, but asked first), milk came in right around when we left the hospital, maybe a day later...etc...
I think dealing with the what-if scenarios are the things that make FTMs anxious...this time I am definitely excited to meet LO...but for whatever reason feel less urgency than I did the first time.
I guess really the best advice is don't over think it, or over rationalize it, etc...easier said than done...if you are really concerned just call the doc...
Freya Lillian - 11/15/15
Thank you for this! Most of this I've been trying to remember - though it is hard when you've never been down this road and you have so many opinions and thoughts coming at you.
My biggest concern is that I just learned that my hospital apparently only lets you push for about 2 hours... 3 max if you are making progress. I plan to talk to my MW about it at my appt on Tuesday because that just doesn't seem like a lot of time and I don't want to start panicking as we get down to that 2-hour mark and potentially put myself or the baby at risk by 'trying too hard' to meet that window. I'm not sure why a hospital that seems so well versed in natural birth methods will only let you push for 2 hours. But I guess in the end, a hospital is still a hospital.
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All that you say is 100%! I'm hoping LO comes a day or two after the EDD mainly because it'll be over the weekend that way and I'll be able to finish work on the Friday...But, I have in mind that I'm full term the first week of February and that realistically after that week, LO can come at any time and I've started making contingency plans for work related events to have a back up in case I can't be there. And so I'm trying to get all my work done in the next few weeks so even if I have February to do work, it'll be a pretty relaxed and easy-going month.
I know lots of FTM who were in labour for 9 hours, some for 12, others for 18 and others for 24+. So I have no expectations about my own labour, just that I hope it'll go smoothly and I'll actually recognize when things are happening.
Thanks for this post
My super all about me birth story:
Then: Fraternal twins born at 26 weeks in 1983. Me: 640 grams. Brother: 840 grams. Family kept watch in the NICU for 5 months before being allowed to go home. On oxygen for a year and a half after being released.
Now: Me: PhD student and married. Brother: Lawyer and married.
Dad's wedding speech: Thank you to all the family who stood watch and prayed for our children's survival. Well now the little scrawny chicken is married. Who would've thought? (Thanks dad for making me laugh and cry at the same time).
My BFP Chart